|Reviews for Same ole Same ole Story|
| Crimsonlotus chapter 8 . 7/7/2009
id be embarrassed 2 if i screamed...!
| all4hydration chapter 6 . 2/13/2009
baha! i love austin's thought process!
| inkspatters chapter 4 . 12/28/2008
Review Marathon! Link in my profile
Well, the lameness at the end actually came off as kind of cute. I love how Austin's being so blase about things when the girl he likes is coming along too, that'll throw him a nice curve ball.
“Oh, yeah! Jacklyn, Lily, and Lily's best friend and” he said dramatically, “Kyle's cousin, Lyla Jennings.” - That line made it sound like there were four of them, when Lily's best friend and Kyle's cousin are the same person. I think you need to rephrase it, because it sounds awkward and is giving the wrong meaning.
You also switched tense a bit here. This was annoying, because everytime you did it, the sentences jarred for me, and it wasn't as easy to read anymore.
All in all, I think you need a good edit and then you'll have a good story on your hands.
| inkspatters chapter 3 . 12/28/2008
Oh, Austin, how mistaken you are. Haha.
Okay, I really liked this chapter, because you're finally showing me, and not telling me, who your characters are. I feel a lot of sympathy for Lyla at the moment, having to be her sister's maid of honour, and I'm intrigued by who Shelly is etc.
I also think you're beginning to build up narrative drive here, which is great. You have events building up upon each other that are building up this story and my interest.
Don't worry that this story is a cliche, just run with it. Most story ideas have been used before. That's not important. What's important is what YOU as a writer bring to the story :) (Just thought I'd mention that.)
Also, there were still quite a few errors in this chapter. So I think you need to edit.
| inkspatters chapter 2 . 12/28/2008
So far, the character I like best is Kevin...I know, weird, because he doesn't seem to be your main character. BUT he's the only character whose personality you're showing to me, rather than telling. We get a sense of who he is through funny lines like 'Details, details.' Everyone else feels 2-D at the moment.
And was it really necessary to put a description of her family in right there? Couldn't you gradually introduce them as they come into the actual story?
Your writing is quite nice, though, because it flows well and is easy to read...There are a lot of errors, but minor ones that are easy enough to ignore.
Oh and, in a random note, in the first chapter, you changed Lily's name to Angela at one point, by accident, I think. I forgot to mention it then, though.
Okay, good job, continuing on.
| inkspatters chapter 1 . 12/28/2008
Review Marathon! Link in my profile :D
Okay, so, I think while you have a nice story here, there are definite problems. Instead of telling us everything about people's personalities, which is what you're doing, how about showing it and letting them develop as the story progresses. If you give me details like this, all in one chunk, I'm bound to forget them. Plus it's not as believable if you tell me something about a character instead of showing me.
I think you do have great characters, from what I've seen so far. AND your dialogue is nice because it feels very natural.
One last note. Change your summary, writing that you suck at summaries doesn't really entice anyone into reading your story...It's best to leave it out, even if the summary does suck (yours isn't that bad.)