|Reviews for Shift|
| RemnantsOfSyreal chapter 2 . 3/1/2013
Before I say anything else, while it's fresh in my mind -
"Both Nicole and I looked gleefully to see his face. He gaped out the window with undisguised horror, his eyes wide and mouth open, the color draining from his smug face. "No! That was my science homework!" he spluttered." That line was fantastic, unquestionably. And it got a laugh from me. That usually takes some doing, and it usually means that what I'm reading is pretty good. *ahem* With that out of the way...
You've got excellent prose. You've mentioned you've been spending a lot of time working on it, having it looked over, and it shows. Everything reads smoothly and colorfully, and I never once have any confusion about what's going on. So that's a mark definitely in your column, and kudos for making me laugh, again.
The dialogue is also pretty tight. It reads well, it sounds quite a bit like the way teenagers speak, (I haven't quite forgotten, though it's been... well, long enough, anyways) and your characters seem to have their own tone. That's a difficult thing to do sometimes without going completely overboard, and I applaud you for pulling that off with alacrity. If I did have one eensy, teeny tiny bit of curiosity, though... he said/she said. I don't know if you've had to deal getting lectured on that point, or if it's even come up. Everyone's style is a little different, and you're certainly free to go the way you've gone if it works. The only reason I bring it up is that, over the years, I've found that avoiding things such as 'I replied', or 'she gushed', or 'I complained', and so on and so forth usually works out better in the long run. While there is nothing technically wrong about using them, and indeed, they do have their place, it's been my experience that dialogue and narrative reads smoother without them, because all the eye wants to do is hang up on them. I know simply using '*xcharacterx* said' is a tad bland, but when you're sitting and reading through it, it keeps the flow and the pace moving. And again, I certainly believe that the more flavorful descriptors have their place, just not quite so often. That's my two cents on it, anyways, and as I said, dis be your world, 'mon. Ya do what ya' 'eart says ta do, ya know 'mon? *ahem* Sorry, not sure where that came from...
Anywho, my ranting and rambling aside, you've got yourself the setup to a very creative, very well written little world here, and I'm glad to hear you're working on getting it published. You've got a built in market all ready waiting for you out there, and your work has it's own flavor and it's own little brand of pizazz that should stand out nicely. Keep up the good work, my fellow auteur.
| BlackTreaderWolf chapter 2 . 5/7/2012
Good story. I like how it started and how you described the events in detail that it was like watching a movie.
| The Imagination Addict chapter 32 . 11/16/2011
good luck with getting published! this story has been really interesting. i like the concepts of werewolves and shapeshifters, but i think the story can still be improved. the action towards the end was really good, but somehow, i wasnt that into the book at first. to be honest, i only continued reading because the english is fairly good (a treasure on this site) and i absolutely love werewolves. maybe it moves too slowly for the first part.
stylistically, i didnt really like the way she narrated... but that could just be a preference thing. im not sure exactly why, but it felt really detached, for some reason.
i liked her dream :)
btw, im curious, what did your betas do, exactly? did they do only minor edits? because if they did too many edits, that would a bit of a hindrance when it comes to getting published, not necessarily for this book but publishing in general. cos it wouldnt be all you when you submit your stuff for publication. then there could be the issue of copyrights and acknowledgment and everything...
i find the romance between her and connor really underdeveloped. of course, they're 15, so this may not be the main issue. i think the main problem is how detached the whole tone is. i dont really FEEL what she feels, for some reason. so that's something you might want to look into before submitting for publication again.
oh, i think bridget's character has been done really well though :) she seems to me to be the most complex character.
oh oh! btw, here's a link to a guide on manuscript formatting that a magazine sent me after rejecting one of my submissions: .
for all you know, just editing your format could help! :)
| The Imagination Addict chapter 17 . 11/15/2011
ooh im gonna go with... connor is a shapeshifter and he was that dog that stopped the bus for her! xD
| The Imagination Addict chapter 3 . 11/15/2011
you have a tendency to use 'they' instead of 'he'. for instance, in the previous chapter, you said something about "one of the teachers" and then used 'they' to refer to the teacher. 'one' is singular whereas 'they' is plural. similarly, in this chapter, you've used 'they' to refer to the bus driver. it's a fairly simple rule, so im surprised you've made this mistake at all, seeing as how the rest of your writing is fairly good.
| The Imagination Addict chapter 2 . 11/15/2011
Some suggestions for alternate phrasing:
- "Dancing was to her as swimming was to m.e"
- "She wasn't trying to pull off her outfit; she just did."
| The Imagination Addict chapter 1 . 11/15/2011
hey :) you said even feedback on commas is appreciated so... there's no need for the comma between 'wonderful' and 'people'. it should just be "My friends were wonderful people I did literally everything with..."
btw, i like your starting. it's unusual.
more punctuation: try editing the sentence so it becomes "At least, where it was going right now; my future wasn't exactly set in stone." Note the comma added and the semi-colon that's replaced your comma. Semi-colons basically function like a full-stop, only they join sentences that are related and bring them closer together in a sense. Eg. "I have a ball; it's red."
| Aztira chapter 1 . 10/27/2011
This is an AMAZING opening for this story! Sounds very professional:) I feel strongly compelled to read the rest of it!
*faves story* and *faves author*
| BlackTreaderWolf chapter 31 . 8/13/2009
Yes a werewolf fic.
| EN Vincent chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
Hey! What's new?
You asked me to tell you what I thought, and I feel I can tell you part of that now. If I don't tell you what I thought so far, you might not get a review from me for a while yet.
I've read about halfway through. The beginning couple chapters really caught and drew me in with the style and personality of your writing. As the story progresses, your spelling gets sloppy and the thoroughness gets lesser and lesser. I completely understand it's hard to keep your original quality through a whole story, because I have lots of trouble with that.
The plot advances slowly, a little too slow for me, though. I appreciate the uniqueness of a female new kid as opposed to the boy new kid, but that confuses me as to who gets Claire in the end. Connor, I suspect, is also a wolf, and I don't really like his character or the chemistry and relationship between him and Claire.
It's a good story. Please don't feel this is a personal attack. I will review again once I am finished.
| KMx0x chapter 31 . 8/1/2009
I love this story.
You have no idea how obsessed and determined I was to finishing this once I started reading it.
This should definitely be published.
| Hehe-Blixie chapter 24 . 7/26/2009
i thought katie mentioned the girls death...
claire really needs to learn the concept of the word no...lol
| Hehe-Blixie chapter 23 . 7/26/2009
i keep thinking that nicole or connor are going to end up being shapeshifters. lol. probably not going to happen though after the names were said for the people in the play.
| Hehe-Blixie chapter 19 . 6/26/2009
dude...they were creepy...
| Hehe-Blixie chapter 18 . 6/26/2009
travis the puppy overlord...lol