Reviews for Unreal
Arista Everett June chapter 1 . 7/9/2013
Oh...wow. I adore this one too!
Subterfuge chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
Simple yet hauntingly real in moments of depression. It fits nicely under the angst of a person deprived of happiness in a turmoil of confusion. Like life has no more hope...

Understanding depression can be hard to some who have not yet experience the sheer depravity of it but you seem to have captured it in your poetry well
Orange Oxymoron chapter 1 . 9/22/2009
Rhymed or not, that is amazing.

I got a bit of a knot in my throat.
Justlucy chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
Ugh, okay, I love it.

I love the rhthym and the use of words.

Spur of the moment poems are always best :)
FelleLLoyd chapter 1 . 8/21/2009
This is really excellent. Really.

Write more(; You're great!
403 Forbidden chapter 1 . 8/14/2009
Great writing! The way you wrote this, each line belongs right where it is and works well with the whole poem. You also expressed the feelings in here perfectly; I could tell exactly what the narrator was feeling and thing. Great job.

403F
wo bu ai ni le chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
A good compilation of surreal feelings, and nice rhyme scheme - it's almost like a clock ticking life away.
letyoursoultakeflight chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
Oh my gosh! I love this! It has so much feeling!
Mirabella chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
Strong lines in this. Beautiful work. :)
Wishdreamer89 chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
That was...extraordinarily good. It felt surreal and real. Vivid. Natural. Unforced. Thoughtful. Dark and Twisting. I adored its quality..
NineteenxStars chapter 1 . 6/4/2009
wow... i feel a bit redundant about saying that but seriously that's all i can think of when i finish your poems. just, wow. you definitely have a gift.
The Sweet Angel of Darkness chapter 1 . 5/4/2009
This is really raw. The emotions are so intense, and I think it's amazing.
East-0f-Eden chapter 1 . 4/29/2009
i love the emotions you put into this poem.
effervescent-sentiments chapter 1 . 4/29/2009
Wow, I want to know your secret when it comes to reviews. You are amazingly popular for a FP poet. :)

The last line stuck with me, but I didn't really care for the rest of the imagery - I know you say you don't listen to constructive criticism, but if you'd just twist the images, stand them on their heads, and make them original, I think you could really use this potential I see.

Keep writing. Keep improving.

Jules
MyInspiration chapter 1 . 4/21/2009
I know you don't like the constructive criticm, but I'll do it anyway, sorry :)

"Swollen, bleeding." putting an "and" in there might help the rhythm.

"My lungs are tired –

Too much breathing." i like

"My hope is vanished;

I am breaking." i like

"I feel...

unreal." feels too short for the rhynme... maybe add a couple words in the middle.

on the whole, the poem's very pretty to read, the rhymingflows very well. The only thing i have an issue with is that you don't expand. You say all these things but there's no imagery, no movement from the beginning fo the poem to the end, and no real explanation for why you feel this or any specifics.
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