|Reviews for Tidal Wave|
| Kirrithian chapter 1 . 1/31/2009
Although there is a good idea behind this story, there isn't much depth I can see so far: There's the plot, which is fine, if almost slightly cliché, but aside from that, all that I have read is just people(with names, doing stuff to reach the end of the chapter, the next point on the plot.
But there is very little about how they do it that tells the reader about your characters. Put in more how and your stories will suddenly bulk out and give the reader something to really get into.
You do however, have some good ideas, and can i be so daring as to suggest a little something?
Try taking a small section of what you've written and writing it in third person- e.g The alarm clock blared through the bedroom, echoing off the hundreds of posters littering the walls. An arm emerged from the tangled mess of the duvet, locating the source before sending it flying across the room, where it shattered, falling onto the deep blue carpet in a thousand pieces.
I find it lets be expand my writing, slowing it down, and giving it more depth. It also spaces out the dialogue, which if you have too much of in a piece, tends to make it seem flat.
Yeah so, worth a try with that, and if you don't like it, just leave it.
'to be educated together thought they still pretty much kept themselves separated.'
Everyone has little slip ups- Thought seems to need to be though
'Just as I was about to catch a glimpse of that glorious rack of hers my face ate pavement.
“Wow Oliver let’s try to check out the ladies without falling up the stairs shall we?”'
I liked the idea of him falling over whilst trying to oogle, but use of 'pavement' then calling them 'stairs' confused me. Are they indoors, or outdoors, where I'd suggest using steps instead of stairs. Or you tell him to oogle the ladies without head butting the floor- always a favourite of mine. But a little bit of rewording is needed here to clear up confusion, and let it flow better.
Dialogue (again): Just make sure each new person talking get's a new line, and it'll loosen things up, make it easier to read.
Aside from all that, it's a good attempt, with potential. I am looking forward to future updates.
P.S. If you do try my suggestions, I would love to hear what you thought of them, and how they went.