I really enjoyed this writing. I like the mystery and suspense you're already gathering up in this first chapter. It draws your reader in, so good job with that!

Also, you're doing a brilliant job of using speech to drive your story, which also asks of your reader to imagine the rest: their tone of voice, expression (although you added a satisfactory amount of expressions here and there too!), etc.

From the beginning, you had me wondering if Sebastien is searching for a new human host and saw it in this seemingly simple girl, Corrina. This, laced with the knowledge he wished to hide his face, had different ideas popping into my head about Sebastien's character. This certainly had me reading for more!

I'm not sure if you've improved and realized this, so I'll say it anyway. There were a few grammatical errors, common ones, you should watch out for: commas or fullstops either lacking or not where they're supposed to be. (Eg. "Why, of course! But I…" should be read "Why, of course, but I...") Things like that. They're small, but I figure every little bit helps.

Overall, great job with this first chapter! I thoroughly enjoyed it!

-Tari

This is coming along so well and I am starting to feel a quite a tug towards both characters. I especially liked how their actions and feelings changed because of the death of Oliver.

Two things that don't quite sit right with me, though, is his age and that they grow close too fast. Perhaps a paragraph summary around the time she sees his face for the first time and he just seems too young. In my opinion, 23 might be a better age for his personality rather than 19. I don't know. Ignore me. I really do like this and I can't wait for it to continue.

As Always,

Eve

Wow this story is good. In the beginning I was a little dishearten it seemed a bit slow in the beginning as im an action kinda guy but i found and became fond of the plot and i connected with the characters as was the point. I would like to know more about the nemesis Tabius and his relation to Sebastian. How is it authors are able to come up with so diverse names and make them sound cool it takes me forever and they are lame. The sister Corrina was the kind of girl you wanted to be friends with very interesting very impulsive not afraid to voice her opinion i think mixing her with Sebastian is going to make for some interesting situations. I would like to know more about his past. I don't think he was telling the truth about a robbery and if he was he seems to special to have some common robber steal trinkets. I look forward to continue writing in this story.

P.S. Forgive me if i misspelled names you know I'm bad just remembering them in the fist place :)

i got the felling this chapter wasn't easy to write for you. it turned out very well, so congrats on the job well done.

story wise:

so, the two of them finally started bonding, eh? well, it was about time. :-) it's sweet how he comforts her and helps her get over the worst part.

i do hope you continue to write the story though, and give us a bit more info on sebastian and how he became who he is now.

When I started reading this, I thought it was in Sebastian's POV, but then I realized I was just crazy, and saw your A/N in the beginning.

That was so sad, but so heartfelt. Oliver's words were so touching... it just made me cry inside... And that poem at the end was also very sad and touching. Wonderful chapter!

I was going to review this like... a week and a half ago, but I never got to finish reading it, because I was kicked off the computer... Anyways...

I liked that chapter. I actually thought it was kind of funny how Corrina and Sebastian would argue, and argue. But I'm glad she got over it. This Tabius character seems very interesting... I wonder what's going to happen next... Well, I guess I'll figure that out after I send this review. Anyways, nice work!

This was a touching chapter. You have been able to work in getting Corrina together with Sebastian without anything to hold her to this place. All they have to do is sell off the animals and the land.

Sebastian can be a sweet person when he wants to be, even down to showing his face to his hostess. It was making me wonder what he had hidden behind that hood. Curious piece, aren't I.

Anyway, this certainly painted a realistic vision of grief, and it really didn't need much in the way of description. The dialogue did wonders for it.

OMG! I loved everything from "Memories are what keep us alive forever" and down. It was just so heartbreaking... especially the poem, it was the work of a pro!

Wonderful!

Narq.

man this was really sad, it takes alot to make me get sentimental, especially in a story. This seems like this reflects your life based on the author note. If that is so than this must've been really hard to write. Well I really liked it so please update soon.

that was a heartfelt chapter and, though sad, it was really well written...I love your style of writing and all the mystery you keep us readers waiting for.

It does seem foolish for Sebastian to follow Tabius into the woods without a weapon. Does he have a death wish? I know, he's being nosey.

I still think that fantasy is a good genre for this, because it is getting more mystical as it goes along.

I like how Corrina and Sebastian argue all the time. What a couple! When she didn't understand about the gold, I thought that maybe the town worked on the barter system. That would have made paying at the tavern hard, and I have the feeling that a gold piece might astound these people. They seem to be a simple folk.

The description of the tavern was good. I like how you described the roof just sitting on top and not truly providing shelter.

Alright, I have reached the end of this story, so I guess I will be putting it on the alerts now.

Wow I definity liked this one. All of your chapters are good, and I don't think there was a single grammer mistake. I would like to knowmore about Tabius. You must've put a lot of thought into what he would say and do, you know keep the reader wondering. I am definitly intrigued by lines such as "You and I are the same, aren't we" Making them seem like some sort of demon angel kinda thing.

Okay, I finally got to read the next chapter. It's been an interesting week, what can I say.

Anyway, the banter between Sebastian and Corrina is good. They do play off each other well.

I would have to think that Sebastian would like animals because there is no hidden agenda in their nature.

The main problem I had with this chapter was when Sebastian went into his thoughts about what he was saying, because I thought he was actually talking. That is one of the problems with a first person narrative. Of course, it is fun to play in the character's mind. I think that if you separated some of Bastian's thoughts into a separate paragraph, this may help with that problem.

I am rather interested in seein if Corrina will end up going with Sebatian when he leaves. She is rather expressing interest in both him and seeing the outside world. Boy, won't he be thrilled.

cool..you've got me hooked keep going

Well, I must say this was a very enjoyable read and I liked the dialogue that was going on. One thing I might comment on is of the lack of names. You had 'she' so many times that i didn't know who was 'she'. (sorry if i sound annoying)

But otherwise, I like this story and look forward to your next update!

Narq.