Reviews for Ashes in the Brook
DeceptionIsMySpecialty chapter 1 . 12/22/2008
This definitely doesn't suck. I really like this and how you wrote it. I would have liked to see a little more. Are you going to make the following chapters longer? Well, either way, I liked it. Can't wait for the next chapter.
arial-96 chapter 1 . 12/18/2008
Hello there,

I would like to point out that this chapter has absolutly no suckage. Altough there are just way too many dashes in it for my liking.

Take the second paragraph fo example:

"My dad probably does – actually that’s just wishful thinking, I haven’t seen him for five years and didn’t really know him that well when I did see him – but my mom cares for me just about as far as how I’m doing in school – aka how likely I am to getting a scholarship so she doesn’t have to pay for college – and how much money I get in my paycheck every month – once again, so she doesn’t have to pay – and then I’m just furniture to her."

There are a total of 6 dashes in there! I know sometimes they are necessary, but please use commas or something instead, cause I find the dashes look like your writing notes as opposed to a novel.

Now don't get me wrong, this chapter is well written. I loved the last line "Haywire in a big, ugly way." Haha.

I guess I should stop rambling, so...

well done, write another!

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