Besides a few grammar and spelling mistakes, this first chapter was really interesting and fun to read. Nice job :)

Hm...

I think you should rewrite this story. Go through now that you're a better writer and make some changes, especially with the first couple of chapters. I have a couple of suggestions that would even help to make this something you could send to a publisher. I've certainly read chick lit much worse than this.

1. Get rid of all the 'bitch', 'bitches' stuff. It sounds cheap and crass. These are classy girls and they don't need to swear so much. Tone it down and get rid of the degrading nicknames. Keep in a few swearwords, but tone it down. It ends up sounding forced and unnatural.

2. Tone down on all the brand names. It's like one of those movies that has shots of an apple computer or can of coke every few seconds. You don't get paid for it, don't put them in. They wear nice clothes, we get it. You don't want to seem like you're living through your characters too much.

3. What happened to the stalker woman? She just disappeared after the brakes incident, never to be heard of again! I think you could've done more with that story line. You didn't really put across Whitney's fear apart from in a few small places. Make more of it! It's your core drama!

4. The friends all come across as kind of the same. I think you did well in 'Money Well Spent' to make the friends really interesting with their own little storylines. These girls have the same personality, they get married at the same time, they have kids at the same time. Give it a bit of variety, like in your other story.

You have real potential for a fantastic chick lit guilty pleasure. Work on the character development and your wording of certain things and you're on to a winner.

As always, I wouldn't say anything if I didn't believe you had potential.

Brenna (SLS)

that was a very sweet story. loved it

Great story, I absolutley loved it! Look forward to reading more from you! Keep them coming!

That was a beautiful chapter.

It so cute how she's calling her baby a little nugget. Effin adorable.

Cute story - I like the ending - pregnant again! haha. It's all coming in a circle. Why in God's name did it take them so long to get married after he proposed though? I guess the woes of raising a child, but still. I would have to say your story has developed a lot from start to finish - there is definitely a huge difference. I think the swearing was a little excessive in the first few chapters, and there were definitely some chapters that could have been cut because they didn't really add much to the storyline.

There were also some inconsistencies in your story, like first Ty went to USC and then he went to UCLA (or maybe I only noticed this because I go to UCLA, hahaha). I think that was pretty much it. I guess the only other thing I would say is I feel like there could have been more character development for Tyler - I generally know what kind of person he is (a good person), but that's about it...

Sweet story, I liked the plot line. :)

- Alyssa

AWESOME

I don't know if you know it or not. I finally figured out what all these random statements are in your story. You kinda left the notes your beta left you for editin in the story.

Why is she so angry? I mean lord he has thrown himself completely into this fatherhood thing and into making a relationship with Whitney. I understand hormones, but man she is really angry at just every little thing. Glad it's a girl!

Ah! He's so sweet, a drawer and he bought her bras. Hell you can't beat that :)

Aw! I absolutely loved the ending! Wonderful job :D

aw ) awesome epilogue - i LOVED the story.

made me cry when ty was in a coma but i'm so happy that they got a happy ending )

I'm glad I was wrong.

I like this way more. :D

I like it so far. All the girls are great.

I get that people cuss all the time but it seems to be a tad overused. I've called my friends bitches and hoes but not every other sentence.

I can't wait to see where you take the story though. I'm sure she's going to have a one night stand. I don't know if it will be one of those that she got so fucked up and married. Or she slept with her future boss or something along the line and was so embarrassed she said something rude not realizing it would come back and bite her bottom.