Reviews for Kastor Chronicles 1: The Forge of Dawn
nonajf LJ chapter 12 . 3/27/2009
After finishing The God Eaters, I starting reading this. Oh, such angst! From the final goodbye to the very last word I was in tears. I see there are other books in the series, but it will take me a bit to disentangle myself from the all-too-brief love of Kastor and Mikah.

You have such a wonderful ability of bringing characters to life and making them real.

I look forward to seeing where else you take me in this universe.
frogs of war chapter 12 . 3/21/2009
That was a sad ending without being really sad. Solemn not sorrowful. Melancholy not depressing. I didn't want Mikah to die or cease to exist. Kastor is unhappy not wretched, but I want him to be happy.

Ch 4: “the bath was still steaming… before getting into the bath. It felt hot… rapidly cooled until” Did the bath really cool that quickly? It’s the size of a swimming pool. Or did Kastor spend a really long time in the water?

Ch 6: half a dozen misspellings, like councilor with two ls.

On to part 2...
Renbirde chapter 1 . 2/16/2009
Interesting and fun! I don't understand a few of your choices though...

For starters, why is Kastor dragging his armor down the hall? I like the interaction with the inkeeper, but generally, one caries the armor so it lasts longer and doesn't get all scuffed up.

"bodyguard- for nuns!" Now that is a great line. :)

If his armor isn't much more than a doublet, what are all the long straps for?

"He poured a beaker and sipped it." You might think about your word choice here. "Beaker" makes me think chemistry glassware. Why not "flagon," "tankard," "glass," or something?

"...the ones sometimes called the neutral angels." Gack. What is that? This is a legend, not worldbulding fail or RPG. The idea is okay , but that name is not. Either cut the line or call them something else.

"Magda had looked to Hope for solidity since arriving as a novice six years ago." This sentence is slightly vague- your antecedent is a bit unclear.

Why do they have a packmule but no riding horses?

Curbouili plate offers much more protection than a jacket. (I'm assuming this "waxed leather plate" you mention is the same armor he was dragging around earlier.)

Does your world have printing presses? Because if it doen't, it's rather unlikely that your mercenary would have been able to read any books at all, let alone a pile on ecocosmology.

"She’d never suffered a misfortune bad enough to give her insight into a loss like that." Yet, she's a nun, and gave up her sexuality voluntarily. Why does she consider this a "loss" rather than trauma?

"... leaping should be its normal methods of locomotion, [not] slogging along like a weary ancient."

"...we lose a couple-three people to them every summer." Is he giving a range here?

"There was a twanging sound, and a yelp." Hee hee. Fun!

“I have the power to detect bullshit. Begging your pardon, Sister. Mikah, for the love of mercy, bugger off.” More yay...

Depending on how much you want to stretch this out, you could spend more time on the stops they make along the way.
SinNomine chapter 6 . 2/11/2009
all of the quotation marks and apostrophe's on chapter 6 are Ó and Õ 's

aside from that this is an interesting story, this part reminds me of a less dramatic hercules
whatisit chapter 12 . 2/10/2009
so sad and well written.

always have interesting plots and likeable characters...

look forward to reading the second part :)
TheSiner chapter 1 . 1/10/2009
I certainly loved the story. It was delightful. Pearl for pigs and all that. The world you have creater, the characterers, the plot, it was all pretty amasing. I loved Kastor's history, I loved Mikah and the nun, the army girl and looser wizard and... wow, they were all just so unique.

One thing not so good - I missed the part where I properly find out what happened between Mikah and Kastor when they met for the first time. Yes, it becomes very clear, but... I can't recommend a way to manage that part of the story better, but it still doesn't feel quite right. I assume a prequel is comming and it would be revealed there. Right?

Anyway. I want to put a big banner up somwhere so people notice your story.
Megan G chapter 12 . 12/25/2008
I love stories that make me cry, and I have BAWLED. *lovelove* Thank you for sharing your beautiful stories.
Miss Bob chapter 1 . 12/22/2008
Gosh darn you, Jesse!

I'm crying. Again.

And laughing too.

So I suppose it all balances out.

I adore how alive you make your characters, it's like they jump out of the page and poke you while you're reading.

Hmm, I think I actually like 'The Kastor Chronicles', it may seem a bit stuffy for the likes of Kastor, but s'good alliteration, and he might appreciate the irony.

All loves to ya, keep on writing, for my sanity's sake. Must go off and spend the rest of today reading the second one now.
DeletionImminent chapter 12 . 12/21/2008
Oh.

That was sad.

Lovely, but also very sad. I liked seeing Kastor and Mikah from the others perceptions, especially Tanners.

hum.

Now i have to go read the next one.

My email is now full of your updates, hurrah!
Rhinriael Blaze chapter 12 . 12/19/2008
I thought you said you weren't going to call these books The Kastor Chronicles cuz Chronicles doesn't fit Kastor? What changed?
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