|Reviews for in the small things|
| mate.feed.kill.repeat chapter 1 . 12/23/2008
[review game: depth]
At first, I was quite skeptical about the set up of this piece-the two-lined stanzas/movements all being fragmented segments, but I was pleased to see that you brought it together at the end. The ending is generally where I get disappointed with poetry, but the coda you wrote here was, to be honest, awesome. It was the perfect closing for this piece. I am focused so much on your closing, I think, because I find it to be the easiest place to focus on. It is so much different than everything else: a single, complete sentence broken in the middle, parenthesized, not bluntly emotional... The conclusion is easily the very best part of this piece.
I think the fact that you stuck to only using fragmented sentences instead of "complete" sentences in movements I-I made the rhythm work. Your sentences actually flowed together; the fact that they were not complete made the piece move faster which really drew me in.
Your imagery is astounding: first stating an emotion and then relating it to something material-teeth marks, jacket, tissue box, etc.-is simply genius. I loved the way you did this; it helped the piece flow because you followed a distinct pattern and never once strayed from it in the slightest way. The vocabulary you used was also a great part of this piece. I find myself, in general, bored by things that don't present a wide range of vocabulary for the reader to feast upon. This piece had a great managerie of words-defiance, futility, resignation-all meaning something distinct and very important to the piece. It may seem elementary, but there are so many self-proclaimed poets (myself included) that just throw out words because they think they might fit, not knowing if they really do. It is easy to see that you had good reason for each and every word you used.
There is little to nothing I can actually find to criticize in this piece. At first, I didn't like the length of the lines, but as I've read through it a few times to soak it in, I've realized that the lines were the right length for their content. All I can suggest is to keep writing, you are obviously talented and it would be a waste of your talent for you to set down your pen.
| SomeoneToLove chapter 1 . 12/23/2008
I love this! It was such a good idea for a poem! I wish a I'd thought of it myself!
I love how you what you did what the emotions... it works so much better than if you'd just written about them without the tissue box and other things...
It's really good... well done! :)
| AStrangerToYou chapter 1 . 12/23/2008
So true. And complicated, but also honest in a pretty simple way. Loved it :)