Reviews for I'll Wait
Nami98 chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
LOVE IT!(:
AJ Taylor chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
I'm in love with Paris too. The rest of the story was kinda cliquish but it was a good read.
j.c-chic chapter 1 . 10/28/2010
It was a nice, cliched plot. A major thing that got to me though was the grammar throughout the entire story. I thought it was only in the chatting (which is acceptable because that's how some people 'chat' in real life) but then it went on till the end.

Asides from that, good job and I hope you keep writing!
WishBlade chapter 1 . 4/18/2010
Cute story, I liked the chat conversations ] And btw, those were beautiful drawings!
mariRocks chapter 1 . 4/12/2009
Aw, this is a sickly sweet story, great job! *means this in a good way*
ukrgrl chapter 1 . 3/8/2009
great story :D and you draw fabulously! :)
VampirexBite chapter 1 . 1/6/2009
at the end, she said yes right? xDD

GREAT story! xox
Lily Llynn chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
The writing was a little awkward at points (left out some words, misplaced modifiers, awkward placement of words), which made reading it a little hard. Cliche and fluffy, of course, but it's alright. I kinda wish there wasn't a "..." at the end, and the end is a little... cutoff; it doesn't really feel complete.

Nice Christmasy oneshot; I'm glad xoxluurve added this to our c2.
lanoirede chapter 1 . 12/24/2008
I love this story!

Very well written ~
Mad for Figs chapter 1 . 12/24/2008
Grammar and punctuational errors were obvious.

But overall, I really liked the story. Again, I like the ending where it's up to yourself to choose your ending. Unless there's another chapter? Then I'm just fooling myself. Anyway, keep it up. Just fix those grammatical errors and you should be fine.

:D
nul chapter 1 . 12/24/2008
This is insanely adorable. I like. :D

It's all the thing a reader could look for: hilarity, romance, stupidity, etc.

I loved it, basically. YAY.

There were a couple of typos/errors/what not through out it. And I'll try to find them and tell them to you:

"'red says: lol'

bye"

Did Vione say 'bye' before he signed off or after? And even if it was either, shouldn't there of been a:

"Vione says: bye." mmkay?

At the Christmas party, you wrote:

"I'm stress, thinking of my school project, haven't had the slight idea for it."

This doesn't really make sense, though I do know what you're saying:

"I was stressed, I'm working on that school project and I don't have the slightest idea for where to go with it."

Or something like that. "I'm stress." doesn't really work, they're like two different tenses. Haha, watch what I say be wrong. :D

Another: "I'm tired of watching the timid you, throwing him a shy glance... and then looked away.."

"looked away" doesn't work with the tense's you're using. Instead, replace it with a "look".

What's a 'drat'?

I like how she calls him the Adonis instead of Reynald, or even 'red'. I can picture talking to him, sometime in the future, and going, "Adonis, blahblahblah". haha.

And, she just realized she was talking to Reynald after a year of chatting? Isn't that odd. Hayley has no sense of preservation.

Uhm: "I couldn't help but felt defeated.." Change 'felt' to 'feel'.

When you wrote, "I typed to him fast", you made it seem like she already hit enter and wrote "maybe, why." I don't really know how you can make it sound like the other way, but I was just pointing it out. :)

That's really weird. Way to cut the parentals out. Haha. His parents are in Germany. And hers are in NY. I can assume that his moving thing happened, maybe, early in the year or something, and they wanted him to finish his schooling in that school, and then move? Or something like that?

But what about hers? That's really weird. And confusing.

You wrote: "Hayley,? How are you, sweetie?" There's an unnecessary comma in that, by "Hayley" and the "?".

You wrote: "...,for I saw red's another reply."

?- You could write, " for I saw red had written something."

heh.

Dayumm, there break starts on Dec. 15th. Real early. hah.

"But, if he doesn't attracted to Moncia, then no way I could."

That kinda makes no sense: "But, if he's not attracted to Monica, there's no way he could be to me." Something like that, I guess.

QUESTION: I don't know what this is: {{.}}

I know it's supposed to be a face of some sort, but gah. I can't tell what it is.

Wait, I thought Persephone loved Hades/Pluto. Isn't Adonis like the male version of Aphrodite, or something?

"It doesn't like he's going to miss me." Change "like" to "look."

"'Don't mess UP my masterpiece!' He shrieked in tremor". I added an "up" into it, and 'tremor' doesn't really make sense. I'd think you'd use 'terror' but I dunno.

"You don't get ready yet?"

?- "Why don't you get ready?" hehe.

"That's because he HAD a date (,) tonight." Had is past tense, so you made it sound as if the date cancelled on him o' sumfing. Change it to 'has'.

When you wrote, "Aw! You ruined the atmosphere, Reynald!" I kinda thought that Reynald and Dax were friends. Haha.

"The sluts, Monica and (HER) friends."

"No, I didn't (WANT) to be seen like this."

"I hide into the locker room, and cried." Change "hide" into "hid."

haha, Paris said "yahoo". haha.

"Man, I'm gonna kiss their asses tomorrow." Kissing their asses means that he's going to suck up to them. Change that to 'kick.' :D

Dude, how old is Paris?

"Your friend comes," ? "Your friends here"

The part where he's all like my landlord has to stop me from talking with you sounds REALLY unrealistic. But it's understandable that this helps out your story. Though, he could just be really sleepy?

"Man! This should have been romantic, but you're aunt ruined everything!"

Change "you're" to "your".

I think you should omit, "and said."

I think the ending would be amazing with just a "I smiled."

:D

I really loved the whole idea of this, there are the spelling/tense mistakes, most of which I tried to find and point out to you!

Ahh. I'm going to go see what Adonis looks like now.

And, I hope this review was beneficial for yoU!

kthnxbai,

Martin the Waterskier
Jevanminx chapter 1 . 12/24/2008
Gah, so sickening, and yet my more girly half loves this sappy stuff to death, hehehehe.

JM
sootyxsnowpetal chapter 1 . 12/24/2008
Nice! And a long chapter to boot D I've always enjoyed long chapters, and this chapter was a great read also. The way that he tried so hard to get her to like him at the end with the roses is hilarious! His sappiness was just so cute... Well, I enjoyed reading it! Thanks~