|Reviews for wasted time|
| Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 1/26/2009
Review Game! :)
"we know it can do only so much"
It sounds a bit strange. How about "only do" instead of "do only"? I think that's the common way of phrasing it.
WOW. I really liked this poem! You used a lot of powerful descriptions/imagery and word choices (ie, grabbing by the neck).
I also liked how you used the "Somehow" repeatedly. It sort of showed there was a BLEAK hope, not just optimistic hope. And since I like doses of angst that appealed to me.
What can I say? The poem grabbed me from the start. "Seconds deciding they want to be minutes." Clever way of putting it! Same with the sun's motherly eye.
All in all: Great job. Keep it up!
| Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
The first stanza of this is fabulous - great way to describe time passing, which is generally a very cliched subject - you did this rather well, making it original and fresh. :D Great great job. I like it a lot.
"won't feel the need to show us / what lies inside its aching bowels / after they churn the ocean floor." - This is beautiful imagery, as well. Grand. Absolutely beautiful.
"as they help this generation build new days out of our wasted time." - Perfect, great, haunting last lines. I like them - they make you think.
This entire poem was spectacular. You have a very nice way of looking at the world and very amazing way of describing what you see - it leads to awesome poems. I like it.
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)