Reviews for when i come around
Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
I'm from the Review Marathon. Link in profile.

I liked that you put so much effort into wording it. It really shows and the poems doesn't come off as bland (as most poems here do). I appreciate that.

Last stanza was the best, definitely. I think it's because I got the most emotion out of it. Raw ending. Nice :)

- Frac
Isca chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
"I've been side-tracked from being alive." A perfect description of pain and depression.

"He never liked you much either." Aha! Priceless. This part was well-written! :)
softersin chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
Wow. This was incredable.

Definitely favoriting ! :)
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
Wow. I was prepared for stupid angst (I've been reading way too much of that)... but this was surprising, refreshing, original, and good. I really liked it, despite the fact there was no punctuation or capitalization. Actually, the lack of punctuation or capitalization helped the case, because it added to the despair and the ramblingness.

"grief space" was a very original line. It made me think of "Deep space" - the point, obviously, but you twisted it cleverly. Very very nice.

You've done really well by separating the lines in awkward places... I think that if you had put "alive" on its own line in the first stanza it would have given the poem a uniformity that would've made it that much better. The "him" and "either" resonated nicely on their own lines. :)

I really liked this poem. Haha. Good job! :D

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)