|Reviews for I Did It For You|
| disused account chapter 1 . 4/3/2009
Firstly I must admit it was not my kind of story. But I did enjoy it. The nurse is really a dick! To be honest I just read it to get onto Want Reviews, but I’m glad I did, It flowed well and the page breaks work. Good luck with your next.
| Lilja Ruusu chapter 1 . 3/11/2009
Oh, this was sad but wonderful! I loved the emotion, and the plot behind it was bust amazing! I like that...heroic and selfish at the same time! And I like how he never says "I love you" to the girl. Great one-shot! D
| Ecru chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
First of all I want to say this piece is very original. I don’t think I’ve quite read a plot like this so thankfully you posted it for others to read! Okay, critique:
‘It makes me want to cry. But you’ll never see a tear from my eye...’ I loved the fact that it rhymed, it gave me the impression the narrator was using a sing-song voice (a sad, sullen voice but nonetheless, it was very effective).
Maybe I’ve had too much caffeine today but I believe you have a small typo of placing a comma and a full stop together: ‘...eye., that’s a promise...’ Okay, I’m nitpicking but oh well.
I enjoyed the lines: ‘I never did anything heroic for you; I didn’t want to act like a hero, because I am not.’ I really made me sympathise with the narrator because, well, he’s being honest and you can almost feel how disappointed he is for not being able to do something for the girl he loved. (I’m just generalising that the narrator is male and the person of his affections is female).
Again with me nitpicking, you forgot to capitalise the “t” in this line: ‘...tomorrow.” the nurse had responded to my answer.’ You missed out a little full stop in the line: ‘...my words would be heard’ as well.
There was a point where I didn’t really know if the narrator was male or female and that was because of this line: ‘Eww, that’s going to...’ Mainly because I couldn’t picture a man, willing to risk his life, to take the backseat in someone he cherishes so dearly – to suddenly worry about the staining of a carpet. Especially if said person had been almost drained of blood)!
Anyway, ‘...I sleep in the basement in a room with the door locked.’ That was a very valuable line in the terms of letting the readers see just how scared the narrator is. Some people would take a chance to sleep in their own room, but the fact is this person has moved to the basement, and locked the door this really does show he doesn’t feel safe. Well done, good insight there!
‘...I don’t want it to seem like I want him to die. I don’t. If I did, then why would I donate my blood to him?’ I liked this as well it was as if he was arguing with himself, trying to convince himself that he didn’t want the other to die – that he should help him.
Another typo, ‘He greet me and we shake hands’, I believe it should be ‘He greets me...’ because of the tense you’ve used.
There’s also: ‘...mentally die too.)’ The bracket should on the left side of the full-stop, like, “).”
Oh there’s so many lines that I enjoyed (but I will tell you them, seeing as this is constructive criticism), ‘But he isn’t, because of me. Maybe I feel heroic for the first time.’ Again the narrator seems to be trying to convince he’s done a good, no, the right thing to help this other person out.
‘...kissed me on the check.’ I believe that should be cheek, also, there is the same typo, in the next paragraph, in this line also, ‘...even if it was on the check.’
Finally, there was, ‘I am not losing more ever second.’ I think that should have been... ‘I am now losing more every second.’
Well that’s me, I really did enjoy this it was certainly refreshing, and thankfully it had a... somewhat happy ending!
| Kindly Unspoken chapter 1 . 2/25/2009
This was a really good one-shot I must say...You express the narrator's emotions well. And I love that song by David Cook too, just to throw that out there.
Oh and thanks for the review too. :)
| threm chapter 1 . 2/20/2009
"Even though you’ll never know that I saved him, even though I’ll never be with you, even though I am not a hero, you kissed me even if it was on the check. I want you to know I did it for you, I want to be your hero. But something stops me from saying it, like I couldn’t tell you."
this line is cool. :)
try checking your tenses, like the go that is supposedly 'went'. but other than that. There is the right amount of bitterness and love. i like it. :)
| vampirefreak8 chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
wow, i really, really, really liked it. you should do more like this.
| PoorEnglishArtist chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
Wow. This was really good. Very powerful. Took me a little while to figure out who was talking, but i wasn't that part of the point - trying to figure out who this was?
Things to think about: maybe describe the scene with the doctor a little more - the way he looked, the way the room looked. maybe signing some papers? Also, there are a couple grammar mistakes - missed letters etc. Comb through it carefully and find them!
But it was great, earned a spot on my favourites list!
| Thornprick chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
awe! this is so sweet! I love it.
| lymli chapter 1 . 1/2/2009
wow, touching and amazing, the feelings are simple and everybody could relate, the ending is great: I said that I did it for you
| musicalemz74 chapter 1 . 12/31/2008
that was so good ella! i really like that song. one of my faves. but i like how u put a story behind it cuz i never really got wat it was about. (i have a habit of listening to the tune not the words). it was awesome!
| strobeXlightXstatic chapter 1 . 12/29/2008
I like this story. It made me reflect on what happened to my friend, Chase... He was killed in an accident. Anyway, I think the part with the lead protagonist's father is a bit much. YOu also used the words 'donate(d)' && 'blood' too much. Constructive criticism. I love it though! Keep up the wonderful work! - strobeXlightXstatic
| Silvester chapter 1 . 12/29/2008
Aw! I thought you were going to kill him for a minute!
| Meghyn chapter 1 . 12/28/2008
ok, so this is interesting. i like the choppy sentence structure, it keeps the reader reading which is good haha. and i acutally want you to keep going on with this. i don't know if you were planning on it...but you should!