Reviews for Tulips
Left FP chapter 1 . 3/21/2009
Summary: Innovative way to present the work...It did draw me into the story at once.

Beginning: Your story definitely did hook me onto it at once. The girl's confusion, her horror all seemed to call for my attention. It is the first person narrative, actually, that draws you into your story.

Plot and Conflict: The plot is no doubt engaging. I love the way you kept readers on tenterhooks, wondering what would happen next when we scroll down. Two characters and their reaction to the same situation - their conflict was very well etched. The conversation between them (or rather the one-sided conversation) hinted at it.

Inner-conflict: The struggle the girl goes through as she decides what she ought to do was done beautifully. The rawness of what she felt, was expressed in a manner...quite unlike other authors, I have come across.

Outer-conflict: Leslie and she were having problems all the time, it seems. But he seems like the silent, sadist...and she sounds like the young girl robbed off happiness. Like I said before, even through the one-sided interaction it is possible to guess the conflict between them.

Characters: Well, since it is a one-shot, you couldn't show all the shades to the characters. But I will say this for you, you made the most of it by making your protagonist represent the shades of grey. Not many people would have done that. She burns the house, and kills the man she's helped - her good sense told her that. But I guess we all know, an eye for an eye makes the world go blind?

Overall, Rain, a beautiful piece of work. Sorry I took so long to review. This was a prize for you to have successfully completed Challenge, Yourself! I lost...so I have paid my debt.

Hope you like the review.

Bender.
Ray-Anne chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
I love how well this relationship is shown between the two characters

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"into a smirk that had once made my chest ache with something akin to love. Or obsession. Or was it hate? Something along those lines."

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Especially.
Amethyst Asheryn chapter 1 . 12/28/2008
Wow. Intriguing, to say the least, though it raised a lot of questions. Like why the tulips? (Besides, of course, that the assignment required that?)

Mostly, I liked this. The style fits; I don't usually enjoy reading this kind of style, but now that I've read the story, I think no other style would have fit. So I liked that aspect of it. Also, there were a lot of places where I loved your word choice. For example:

"It was as bass as his voice, throaty as his tone, dark as the clothing color we shared." - I've never been one for similes like those, but even so, the line flowed. So it was the flow more than the imagery that caught me, but still.

"I left him standing there, clutching the table for support he never thought he’d need." - Again, it was the flow more than the imagery or whatnot that caught me on this one. But come on, you can say this one out loud and it rings. Nice.

Details:

"I could hear sirens, unsure if they were sounds produced by my own mind or if they were real." - The sirens weren't sure? Sorry, but that line seemed awkward to me. Maybe you could reword it? Ex: "I could hear sirens in the distance, but I was unsure ..." or something like that.

"I’ll perform a reenactment of the time Leslie called me a leech." - Again, this line seems awkward. I don't know; maybe it's just me, but it seems to contrast with the style you've been using for the rest of the piece. It's not bad, it just doesn't seem to flow. Maybe you could just add to that ("A reenactment of the time that Leslie called me a leech.") that's what I see.

Good stuff.

Ashe