|Reviews for Perfect Crime|
| mikey magee chapter 3 . 3/12/2009
Opening: I liked how you started the opening off with an action. It was a very nice hook, using the phone ring, and it made me want to read on.
Writing: I loved the writing you used. The use of imagery (Plumes shaded and muted) and "Impeccably groomed he looked like he belonged on a postage stamp." added a good texture and tension to the chapter. "She said smugly" again watch out for adjectives.
Ending: I liked the ending. The way you ended it with so many things up in the air made questions swim through my head.
Other: I really enjoyed the way you conveyed the setting. You wrote bits of the language "Grazie" and even many facts (or at least I think they're facts) about the catholic church. It gave everything the illusion of realism. I just wish you would have described a few more things, like maybe the candles or the robe of the Father. Just small things like that.
| Samuel Harrisson chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
I was going to review this for the review game. To be honest, I had extremely low expectations, in hopes I would get reviews for my own story, I decided to read this. First off, you are AWESOME! The first chapter was great. And I mean GREAT. Awesome dialogue, great description, you got me engaged, not to mention the Italian was an added side bonus. Parlo italiano bene ma capisco italiano male :(. Anyways I wish I could give some constructive criticism, but can't, I could not find any problems AND expect me to finish your story if it stays that interesting! Have a great night,
| Mazkeraide chapter 5 . 3/7/2009
Loving the drama. It adds so much to the story, especially the fact that the dead man who killed Tessa's brother is also the living man who tried to kill them. I'm absolutely intrigued.
It seemed odd to me that they just went to Navy Pier and had a fun time. I felt like they should have reported the shooting to the police, or freaked out, or something, instead of having a romantic moment on the Ferris wheel. It just seemed an odd reaction...
| Mazkeraide chapter 4 . 3/7/2009
I like the cryptic notes they get. It's very serial-killer-esque, especially with the Bible quotes.
You had several grammar/spelling mistakes, such as "breaks" rather than "brakes" when referring to a car. I find these distracting and annoying, and there are enough for me to mention it to you.
| Mazkeraide chapter 3 . 3/7/2009
I find it very interesting that this connects to the mob, although it is a little conspiracy-theory-ish.
I also LOVE that you put in the press conference with the corrupt government official. It's SO Chicago...
Speaking of Chicago, NO ONE calls it "the Navy Pier". It's just Navy Pier.
I also like how every chapter starts with a sound. It's interesting, and it sets the tone of the chapter.
| Mazkeraide chapter 2 . 3/7/2009
Tessa's dynamic with G.J. is great too. They seem like that sorta-awkward, sorta-not broken-up couple.
I didn't like that you introduced the fact that Tessa is secretly Italian in this chapter. If it needs to become a major plot point, it should be introduced then. Here it seemed really out of place and random.
| Mazkeraide chapter 1 . 3/6/2009
Scott and Tessa have a marvelous dynamic. They are both extremely well-characterized- I loved the scene where Tessa caught herself looking at Scott's computer, it added so much to her character- and together they are absolutely wonderful. They clearly hate each other, but just enough that you can tell they're a great pair.
This chapter really drew me into the story. It introduced the plot right away, then proceeded quickly enough to keep my interest, but slowly enough for me to enjoy it. Excellently done!
| it's not your fault chapter 1 . 3/5/2009
Your writing is impeccable. Have you heard of/read any of Michael Connelly's books? More specifically, any of his books with Bosch in them? If you haven't, I definitely recommend it. The both of you have very similar and great writing styles.
I love the sounds you incorporated in the beginning. Usually, such inserts are annoying and distracting, but the way you used them really made me hear them as part of the story.
I also like the main character. Scott has that lazy, but professional, yet carefree feel about him. He seems to have his priorities somewhat straightened out, and I missed reading a character like him who wasn't a part of the backstory. Great job, I'm going to read on!
| TesubCalle chapter 7 . 3/5/2009
Yow, molotov cocktails aren't very nice, now are they?
I'm glad you took the time to bring these two together, however grudgingly, as reluctant partners. It's been a good move, creatively. They're still not quite on the same page as it is, and I like that tension.
I was amused by Tessa's "doesn't everyone?" reply to Scott's surprise that she volunteers.
Kindly update, so I can find out what in blazes Cy so desperately needs that MacGuffin of a postcard for.
| Mercyette chapter 5 . 3/2/2009
I really like how you are developing the relationship between Tessa and Scott. It's too cute. I can't wait until it grows to be a bit more - and it seems as it will if things keep going the way they are. The whole ferris wheel ordeal was cute, too. :)
You also ended the chapter on a good, interesting note, too. I really wan't expecting the license plate number to be linked to the same person who killed her brother. Nice touch. I can't wait to read more. I'll be keeping on eye on this.
| Mercyette chapter 4 . 3/2/2009
I really like the length of your chapters, first of all. It's just long enough to give the reader and interesting picture and a good idea of the continuing plot and character developement without letting the reader's mind wander. It's rare to find that on this site.
I also love how you develope the characters through their actions (ie - the "eyebrow raise" when Tessa saw the Scott Darling) without straightout describing it or letting thier personality show through thier dialogue. It makes it much more interesting for the reader - at least it does for me.
Reading on. :)
| Jeex chapter 1 . 3/2/2009
Hm, I am really jealous.
I'm really attracted to discriptions and scenery when I read but even with the dialouge and minimun discriptions it was great flow. The small things like how he would rather squint than wear glasses is not only a discription of what was happening at the time but also a quirk- an inside look on the MC.
I am already invested in the characters and that is very well done on your side. I love Tessa's mysterious feel. Usually it's the guy that's all brooding and mysterious, but I might be crushing on Tessa before Crawford.
The title chemisty is very fitting as I bet the others are too. The rivalry is going to help along with the plotline, speaking of which is very intriguing and makes me want to come back for more.
| Mercyette chapter 3 . 3/1/2009
I have to admit that I'm really beginning to enjoy this story. At first, I almost found it a little over my head, as so many people were introduced, but I think you are doing a better job with making the MCs' personalities more definite (especially Tessa, lol) - which helps to keep all the facts with the mystery in order.
I also like how you spiced the chapter up with the foreign words. You made it interesting, without making it too difficult for the reader to understand.
I'm really hooked. :)
| TesubCalle chapter 6 . 2/26/2009
Wow, thanks for updating!
I'm thrilled you're advancing the plot by dropping more clues and details, especially about how things are connected to Tessa.
I was highly amused by Scott's quip: “If my Mother ever heard a woman wanted me for my bible, I’d never hear the end of it.”
Interesting, now, G.J.'s desperation for the postcard...And I also continue to be intrigued by the use of the bible verses. Like Scott and Tessa, I'm still trying to unravel their significance in the whole grand scheme of things.
Kindly update soon. I need to know what goes down at 11 p.m.
Oh, and thanks for providing translations for the smattering of Italian the characters throw out. It is extremely helpful.
| Freaky Fred chapter 1 . 2/26/2009
"No fires, police corruption or kidnappings came over the wire."
It may be a matter of taste, but I think a comma should go before "or". For me, at least, it flows better.
"Scott leaned forward, his nose closer to the monitor."
Well, of course when he leans forward, his nose will be closer to the monitor. Maybe "nearly touching" would be better.
"Moving around her chair Tessa took the few steps to the far side of her office."
Again, I think you're missing a comma in between "chair" and "Tessa".
"Across the isle was Scott’s empty work space."
You confused "isle" with "aisle", I think. "Isle" is a small island; "aisle" is like in a grocery store.
"The man furrowed his brow, it was unclear whether..."
Since the first part is an independent clause, you should either start a new sentence or replace the comma with a semi-colon.
"Gently placing the martini in front of her, he moved to the opposite side of the counter and busied himself..."
This sentence is implying that he did all the things after the comma while he placed the martini in front of her.
You made the “isle/aisle” mistake again towards the ending.
During the part where Scott was talking to Maria, the way Maria talked seemed a bit too formal and forced. But I liked the dialogue between Scott and Tessa; it seems natural for their relationship.
I don't like to read a lot, because my attention span is really, really short. But this first chapter really hooked me in, and I read it all the way through in one shot (except for my nit-picking the grammar mistakes; sorry if I sounded really shrewd about them). I want to know what happened to Darla, but I also want to see what Tessa's been suspicious (not the right word,but kind of close to what I was going for) about.
I like the writing style in this story. It's casual but not immature, and you give just enough description so that I know what's going on, but I don't get bored and end up skipping over entire paragraphs.
All together, this story was really good, and I want to read the rest.