Both of you did well with this story. I like the idea, and there were only a few grammer and spelling errors.

How long has this been here? I love reading and "I know those chars!" Great!

Wub,

Lee

You and your friend both have good minds for characters. I found the story interesting and gripping. The setting was well done, and quite believable. I only noticed a few grammar/spelling errors, but they were easily overlooked as the smooth flow of the story took me in. Great job.

Oh this was a very nice oneshot. Really well written and very intense the whole time. Yet it was not boring and did not seem to really drag on. It was also rather touching. I would have liked to see it though go on as a larger story leading up to this point rather then being a oneshot, but it was still good as a oneshot. I hope you two collaborate more, you two write very well together.