|Reviews for Adopted Mafia ReDux|
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/19/2021
Hi i'm Shaeril McBrown
i need help
i'm being harassed by a teacher named Lisa Ware-Krantz
she is a 49 year old pedophile
she flames me on my fanfiction account and calls my stories pigshit
she sends me death threats through emails and text messages
she rapes me and tells me to kill myself
i want to kill myself so she can't bully me anymore
please help me report her!
she lives at 3662 Juniper Hills Drive, Rockwall, Texas 75032
her phone numbers are 972-771-0893 and 214-437-0250
her emails are lwarekrantz at hotmail dot com and lisa dot ware hyphen krantz at rockwallisd dot org
she works at rockwall-heath high school
they have an anonymous tip line where you can complain about her
here’s the site:
www dot rockwallisd dot com/Page/10702
i tried using it but i can't get a response
i don't know what else to do
please make her leave me alone
| Raquel091 chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
I really enjoyed this. The world needs more stories like this!
| AngelWings3 chapter 25 . 3/20/2012
Your story is amazinng!I pass the time reading you can start the sequel, 'cause the suspense is killing me just waiting for it to come out!
| stars95 chapter 25 . 4/18/2011
Your story is really different than most other story lines on Fictionpress. I loved the whole Mafia theme and all the dynamics of the entire story. You could have written a little more to emphasize the love between Tony and Payton as its like the two are arguing throughout and then in the lest chapter they suddenly get together... I will love to read a sequal about marcus! haha Great work!
| The Weatherwitch chapter 25 . 1/28/2011
well done :D
| witeaya chapter 1 . 11/5/2010
i love the mafia concept of this story.
but i found something lacking in the way u write that made this not the best.
i still find it interesting though.
im going to read ur oth story and find which i love the best.
keep on writing!
| C.Turtle chapter 25 . 9/3/2010
This is such a good story
| iiHEARTyuu chapter 25 . 8/23/2010
I like the plot of this story :) it's a change from a lot of other stories on fp and it's refreshing :) I apologise for not reviewing earlier chapters, but I'm kinda lazy and just decided to review at the end lol. So sorry!
But yes, while I do think that this is an interesting story (and I liked it :D) it could do with a little bit of editing. There are quite a few typos that I spotted throughout the story. Some of them are just missing a letter but others are missing words, or the sentences doesn't make sense.
I think you should try to have a bigger emphasis on their feelings and relationship. It seems that a lot of their interactions involved arguing and then at the end they were in love and together - if that makes sense? Quite a lot happens in the story, but the majority of it doesn't involve them together - so maybe you can change that?
Also, at the beginning it was a bit confusing with the characters for me. I think that it may be a good idea not to introduce so many characters at once? So we learn a bit more about them before we meet someone else.
And yes, that's it really. I'm hoping that I put this in a constructive manner and I haven't offended you or anthing. Feel free to ignore my comments, this is just a few things I thought, but I'm not a fan of English so it may not even be true. Or make sense. But I enjoy your stories, you have pretty cool plots :)
Anyway, until next time! Toodles.
| mairyn chapter 11 . 7/28/2010
I'm in love with Tony
| Mandyg chapter 26 . 7/7/2010
absolutely great story. could have had a little bit more romance between tony & payton but all in all great story.
| SparklingStar25 chapter 25 . 6/3/2010
I absolutely loved this story!amazing job!
and the ending was just superb!
| FlamingInk57 chapter 8 . 3/7/2010
Pirates of the Carrabbean is awesome. Anyways, This story is also awesome so far. I quite like Payton becasue everybody loves a girl who can fight but I also want to see the laid back side of her too. Tony's a cute dude, I love how he always asks about Payton. I hope there's more action later on.
| 53BookTitles chapter 26 . 11/11/2009
Dear God, this is the best story I have EVER read, and I've read alot of stories!
You have some serious talent ;)
| Naeara chapter 26 . 10/13/2009
Anti Romance Clause hey? I am definately intrigued. Thanks for the cookie!
| Its.Not.Me.Its.You chapter 26 . 10/12/2009
cant wait till book two!