Reviews for Adopted Mafia ReDux
Raquel091 chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
I really enjoyed this. The world needs more stories like this!
AngelWings3 chapter 25 . 3/20/2012
Your story is amazinng!I pass the time reading you can start the sequel, 'cause the suspense is killing me just waiting for it to come out!
stars95 chapter 25 . 4/18/2011
Your story is really different than most other story lines on Fictionpress. I loved the whole Mafia theme and all the dynamics of the entire story. You could have written a little more to emphasize the love between Tony and Payton as its like the two are arguing throughout and then in the lest chapter they suddenly get together... I will love to read a sequal about marcus! haha Great work!
The Weatherwitch chapter 25 . 1/28/2011
aw xD

loved it

well done :D
witeaya chapter 1 . 11/5/2010
i love the mafia concept of this story.

but i found something lacking in the way u write that made this not the best.

i still find it interesting though.

im going to read ur oth story and find which i love the best.

keep on writing!
C.Turtle chapter 25 . 9/3/2010
Hey,

This is such a good story
iiHEARTyuu chapter 25 . 8/23/2010
I like the plot of this story :) it's a change from a lot of other stories on fp and it's refreshing :) I apologise for not reviewing earlier chapters, but I'm kinda lazy and just decided to review at the end lol. So sorry!

But yes, while I do think that this is an interesting story (and I liked it :D) it could do with a little bit of editing. There are quite a few typos that I spotted throughout the story. Some of them are just missing a letter but others are missing words, or the sentences doesn't make sense.

I think you should try to have a bigger emphasis on their feelings and relationship. It seems that a lot of their interactions involved arguing and then at the end they were in love and together - if that makes sense? Quite a lot happens in the story, but the majority of it doesn't involve them together - so maybe you can change that?

Also, at the beginning it was a bit confusing with the characters for me. I think that it may be a good idea not to introduce so many characters at once? So we learn a bit more about them before we meet someone else.

And yes, that's it really. I'm hoping that I put this in a constructive manner and I haven't offended you or anthing. Feel free to ignore my comments, this is just a few things I thought, but I'm not a fan of English so it may not even be true. Or make sense. But I enjoy your stories, you have pretty cool plots :)

Anyway, until next time! Toodles.
mairyn chapter 11 . 7/28/2010
I'm in love with Tony
Mandyg chapter 26 . 7/7/2010
absolutely great story. could have had a little bit more romance between tony & payton but all in all great story.

love it
SparklingStar25 chapter 25 . 6/3/2010
I absolutely loved this story!amazing job!

and the ending was just superb!
FlamingInk57 chapter 8 . 3/7/2010
Pirates of the Carrabbean is awesome. Anyways, This story is also awesome so far. I quite like Payton becasue everybody loves a girl who can fight but I also want to see the laid back side of her too. Tony's a cute dude, I love how he always asks about Payton. I hope there's more action later on.
53BookTitles chapter 26 . 11/11/2009
Dear God, this is the best story I have EVER read, and I've read alot of stories!

You have some serious talent ;)

xx
Naeara chapter 26 . 10/13/2009
Anti Romance Clause hey? I am definately intrigued. Thanks for the cookie!
Its.Not.Me.Its.You chapter 26 . 10/12/2009
cant wait till book two!
LittleWolfPup chapter 25 . 10/12/2009
I thought the ending was great with Tony confessing his feelings for Payton, once again great ending
102 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »