|Reviews for Nerissa's War|
| Written chapter 19 . 5/4/2009
I'm such a doofus. I accidentally deleted the review I'd written up. Ah well, it wasn't that great.
(In retrospect, James should have thought before answering “I know.” In retrospect, almost anything would have been a wiser comeback to Kip’s joke. Including “What lover?” or perhaps “So your mother told you?”)
very funny :) I really like kip. he is kind of aggravating, but in the good way. and it seems he's not bad at reading people either, judging by the conversation he has with james. that's a good heart-to-heart! and james really needs to step up as far as nerissa is concerned. so clueless.
nerissa and brenton at the end are so sweet; I really liked it. brenton is adorable.
I'm kind of sad, because I'm officially caught up! sorry for being absent. and update soon. though you have been very good at that. I'm excited to hear about your revisions, by the way. you've mentioned a few things already, but I'm still curious to know what all will be changed in "finding nerissa".
take care and thanks for writing!
| Written chapter 18 . 5/4/2009
oh my! levy is such a troublemaker, and it seems as though naid still suspects james. it's interesting how fate plays a hand in it; what they saw in the crystal ball and how its affecting nerissa.
| Written chapter 17 . 5/4/2009
wow! what an intense chapter. again, not much else to say at this moment. I'm a little sad that I'm reaching the end of the chapters though!
| Written chapter 16 . 5/4/2009
this was... so funny. I loved loved loved the dinner conversation! general brown is ridiculously great. and levy is an ass as usual. I think this is one of my favorite chapters, and I feel a little bad not having much else to say!
| Written chapter 15 . 5/4/2009
oh that lord naid! what is he up to.
i liked the introduction of these characters to each other! adlai was absolutely wonderful. made me laugh to be honest.
| Written chapter 14 . 5/4/2009
oh no! they fought. but it was well done. I want them to be happy and in love though!
| Written chapter 13 . 5/4/2009
mind control! I like the explanation given as to why he should learn it. I like the explanation given about the runes and the history. you present these details in such a way that I almost feel like I could do this magic if I tried hard enough. sigh... if only.
the planning for the event is also interesting. I love the magops!
I think I'm going to get some breakfast before I continue, but nerissa and james are so so cute.
| Written chapter 12 . 5/4/2009
wait... so I just realized how behind I am. chapter 11? oh my god. well, I guess that means more to read for me today!
as always, your writing style is beautiful. I've missed this. Nerissa's father is... not exactly annoying me at this moment, but it's getting close. I would be so irritated if I were her.
i do not trust naid at all!
(She embraced Nerissa with all the false adoration that the lover of one’s friend can muster, and held her at arm’s length for a moment.)
this happens to me! haha. it quite honestly made me laugh.
adlai is very interesting and I actually think I like him. the way people interact with each other in this story is so revealing though. that naid is a snake I think, and I rather think he knows human magic.
| Written chapter 11 . 2/28/2009
thanks for the update! jason levy is so annoying, I just needed to say. I mean, I know why he has to be, but yeah. haha.
and I almost know how nerissa feels. my mother has been trying to get me to choose a boy for quite some time! though I don't have the 6 month ultimatum going on...
oh, and james struggling ith the court was cute. like here: (They are hardly anarchist” James began, but it was a hopeless cause. No one heard him over the shouts.)
haha. the poor boy. but he did manage to speak convincingly after that, so I suppose it worked out. for now...
thank you so much for the regular updates, by the way. I suppose you've switched from mondays then?
| Written chapter 10 . 2/26/2009
yay, them! I liked the scene of her trying to learn the cognitive magic. it was really well done and when I read it like that, it seemed like something I'd be able to do too.
sorry for being gone so long! I do love your story.
| Written chapter 9 . 2/26/2009
oh dear. well brenton seems adept at getting himself into trouble. given the title, I'm not sure that a war can be avoided, either... but we'll see.
I like the stories about nimue and morgaine thrown in, by the way.
| Written chapter 8 . 2/26/2009
oh, I adore the two of them together. I wish she wouldn't have left.
and argh, adlai. and argh brenton too.
| written chapter 7 . 2/26/2009
silly brenton! i hope he doesn't get into TOO much trouble...
| writergurlLW chapter 5 . 2/7/2009
Review Game - Easy Fix!
I liked your cliffhanger-like ending to the chapter. Cliffhangers are just generally good, and I think you should do more of those.
I like that you seem to have brought all of your characters to life. It makes reading about them so much more exciting. Also, you seem to have stayed away from major stereotypes.
Not that it's necessarily bad your story has these - you're doing a fairly good job using them and it doesn't bother me much at all, but I felt I had to mention them since this is, after all, the last review I will be giving as a participant in the Review Game. Make sure you keep small sterotypes from turning into large cliches. As in, the princess who doesn't want to be in a chosen marriage and rebels and a haughty man who happens to have red hair. You seem to be doing a fairly good job of that, though.
Also, make sure that you continue to flesh out both stories (Nerissa's and James) and make sure they connect in some way. The hard thing about writing one story and switching lives and POV's is that you may get so wrapped up in one story you hardly do the other one. Make sure you stay away from that. Also, make sure there was some relevance in the prologue's mentioning of that mirror and those characters. I think that it's okay you keep the prologue.
In all, I enjoyed your story. Though I'm not much into the fantasy genre anymore, I say you have really high potential, as shown most definately by your writing style. Keep it up!
| writergurlLW chapter 4 . 2/7/2009
Review Game - Easy Fix!
This is going to get really repetitive from here on out, but I think that your description is still awesome, if not better. I have a strong sense of the the descriptions of the who.
I like how your magic lessons to the characters are also lessons to the readers. It's bad when writers keep the readers in the dark about their magic system. That's a bad reflection of how much they know about their very own story.
I've noticed in previous chapters that you're slightly moving toward Third Person Omniscient. Be very careful with that. It can be done well (though I've yet to really seen it done well), but it often confuses the reader, either leaving them lost, unable to fully connect with one character, or feeling as though they are are jumping from one mind to the next, which throws them out of the story and causes them to wonder what the hell is really going on.
You're doing a marvelous job describing people, but I'm having a hard time feeling a sense of place. You generally tell us where they are, but we don't know exactly where they are by descriptions. This can be a good thing (It stops you from giving too many descriptions of place and it gives the reader's free thought), but it can also be bad (as in they're in a university, sitting in chairs, but what else is around them?) Just some things to consider.