Reviews for The observed in 175 words
Isca chapter 5 . 1/17/2009
"Her hair color changes as much as her mood." A good depiction of a girl who's not quite confident in her appearance and self-esteem. I also like the switch from 'red hair' to 'honey hair.' The word 'honey' added such a lovely persona to aforementioned girl. The percentage/insanity part was creative and interesting. "Sometimes she doesn’t really listen, which means she doesn’t really judge." Very true! I like how this is sort of stream-of-consciousness prose.

Keep up the good work!


(The Review Game)
rainhailsnow chapter 2 . 1/7/2009
first of all, i just have to say that it is beautifully written. you've created this way,way too gorgeous boy inside my head! i especially liked the way you described his arms - that was so unique and interesting.

that being said, would you allow me to point out a couple of little mistakes? 'ravenous black' - i think it should be 'raven black'? because if something is's hungry for something? 'He's course and rough' - i think that should be 'coarse'

but yes other than that, all good! good job! )
Ernest Bloom chapter 9 . 1/4/2009
Okay, I'll take a shot at "The Almost-Dream Boy", Pts. 1 & 2.

Well, your writing is pretty darn good, and your vocabulary is pretty darned excellent. In so few words all you're really shooting for is description, not story; also, you seem not to _know_ this Boy at all, except very superficially. Consequently, your descriptions come off something like a math exercise. That is, although your details are _sharp_, that does not automatically make them _valuable_ to the reader. By not implying some story, or puffing some kind of third dimension into this, as i said, it's sort of like observing a beautifully worked problem in algebra: it's elegant, it's right, _but_ it's not quite literature; know what i mean? i like reading it, but you haven't given me a reason to _love_ reading it, or a pressing need to keep coming back to this new author.

which is not at all to be taken as negative; i'd hope it would prompt you to slightly alter the course you're of luck.
quicktart chapter 3 . 1/3/2009
H. sounds like a nice guy.

quicktart chapter 2 . 1/3/2009
The only thing I saw was the third word in this, but that's it.

Kate Marshall chapter 2 . 1/2/2009
Ha, I enjoyed the blunt ending. It snapped me back from 'dreamy romance' to reality.

I think you had a few typos, by the way. Just a few words that I kinda had to guess at. Oh, and you described our 'almost dream boy' very well. I was left swooning.

Kate Marshall chapter 4 . 1/2/2009
It sounded so heart-felt as I read it. It's short but I felt like I could connect with the story so well. I particularly like the lines,

I’d see her all the time and have conflicted views of her skeleton—why couldn’t I be like that? God, how ugly she is. God, how beautiful she is. Did I want to look like that? Did I ever want to look like that?—and simultaneously loved her and hated her with more severity and bipolarity than anyone.

Yeah, I know that's a lot to paste in a review, but out of all of it, this jumped out to me the most. People are so many different things and can feel so many different things and that's why I especially like that. And then saying "did I ever want to look like that?" was nice because even when she envies so much, she questions her wants.

Mm-hmm. ;D I really did like this. I might review another, I don't know.
Stars May Collide chapter 6 . 1/1/2009
Online SB. We make fun of people for their lack of skills in both writing and life. So sad we’ve met so many to make fun of but they make it so easy. Too bad we make fun of the nice ones too when they have huge chins, wide jaw lines and are lipless. And the lies we have heard—funny, they can’t write worth shit but they can lie. Writers are liars. You entertain me and we see eye to eye on most things except I’m content with my wasteful bottled water. And girls really shouldn’t be half naked in PETA’s name. The yellow bikinis and the fact that they are “chicks” against KFC still seems pretty pointless to me. We’ve done everything negative with our characters in our way of collaborative writing, save those over-dramatic things like rape and torture, regardless of how common it is (sadly);oh, and marrying them off. I do think that would end up being a negative thing. You are the Allena to my Damien. No, really—quite literally.
Kiwi-kiwi6 chapter 2 . 1/1/2009
Oh my gosh. Your word choice is amazing. I don't know how anyone can write that perfectly. You can just imagine yourself observing this boy with your own eyes. Amazing job.