|Reviews for Insipid|
| effervescent-sentiments chapter 1 . 2/16/2009
Would she call the flower diminutive? It sounds like you're trying to make the flower seem grand compared to what you are, right? Pale and inconsequential compared with "small" just doesn't work; I think it'd be better as opposites.
I like the simplicity, but not the message. Your words really WORK where they are; they get the point across. However..."insipidness"? Is that really what you're trying to say, claiming you feel lesser after you've seen a flower? I think there's a deeper meaning to this poem.
I don't like your lack of imagery - I think instead of finding one word to describe the flower, you should really show the reader what it looks like. Why it makes you feel so bland in comparison. And then what do you look like? Pale and inconsequential is much weaker than a description of HOW pale and inconsequential compared to WHAT.
Good job, and good luck with revisions!
| GirlWithTheBrokenSmile chapter 1 . 1/2/2009
I like it:) You managed to say a lot with just a few words.