I love Gloom so much it isn't even funny. :(

He is just too adorable for his own good. You have a knack for characters, I say.

*spastic scream* This has to be my favorite-est story on here Miss Jack! I really hope you keep doing the great job you've been doing. Which is awesome! - If you haven't realized that from my reviews yet, lol. Well I'll review this chaptah!

The Good: The spelling and grammar are all great, and the voice of Violet, always clear and precise. So this makes it super easy to read.

The Bad: I want to know where Alexander is. So the bad is ... that there was not enough story. Write more story. And about Sweeney, what is she? I don't think that ever was mentioned, I'm pretty sure she's a nightmare correct? Oh and the a is capitalized in creative-name-chAllanged, might want to change that.

And the Random: This chapter was funny, I like funny.

Update Update Update Update Update!

Great as always.

What the hell happened?-

Is she stuck in Nightmare World?

Or the Dream World?

Can't wait for the next chapter.

So exciting...Strange, but exciting. You've mixed a lot of elements which are really compelling. An interesting set of characters as well

Firstly, this is an incredible start. Stories like this are why I keep checking back on fictionpress, and this could be the best I've read so far. You have an original and intriguing plot, fascinating characters, and writing that sets the scene effectively without being over-descriptive or flowery. The first chapter pulled me in immediately. In Violet you have a well-rounded and relatable protagonist for all of us who feel more at home in fiction than in reality. The dream-world is stunning in its depiction. The Candyland scene has to be one of the highlights of the story, if only for its weird, wonderful twistedness.) Your description of Alexander, the Nightmare Capital, and the Nightmares themselves was breathtaking in an entirely new way. And kudos to you for holding off on any a hint of romance until the third chapter. Not all of us have that kind of self-control, and it is admirable.

There's little I can think of to improve this story. However, since I always appreciate thoughtful criticism more than "omg i luv it plz keep writing!" here are some questions/suggestions:

-All the literary references in the beginning are nice and all, but they will confuse people who aren’t as well-read as yourself.

-Where’s Violet’s mother?

-How and why does reading Dracula trigger Violet's first nightmare?

-The first dream, with the burning, was slightly confusing.

-Why a 40's diner?

-I suspect we'll find this out later in the story, but why can't Alexander escape from Violet's mind? And why did he choose to go there in the first place, when there are darker and more twisted minds to inhabit?

-I could've done with a bit more backstory on Alexander. How does a Nightmare come to be? But keep it short and sweet if you take that advice; his mysteriousness is one of the best things about him.

-At one point, Violet says, “so much of me had become invested into this bizarre, unavoidable relationship.” There has really only been one scene between them at this time, and it makes it seem like you’ve skipped out on us, leaving us without something important. If I were you I would show more Violet/Alexander interaction before making such a statement.

-When they’re discussing her sleeping issues, Violet says, “What happens to you if I die?” That line seemed random and out of place, though I can tell it’s important.

-If it’s possible, try to show Alexander’s weakening earlier on, and gradually. The way you wrote it, it was extremely sudden—one day he’s normal, or as normal as ever, and the next, he’s dying.

Keep in mind, though, that all these are only suggestions, and that you have an amazing story. Finish it, get your butt off the internet, and go find yourself a publisher. But make sure to let your fans here know.

PS. Thank you for the little Edward Cullen barb in chapter one, although Stephenie Meyer isn’t likely to appreciate it, and I’m not entirely sure that it’s legal. Alexander could beat Edward any day.

- Sarah

BRAVO! I was captivate right until the abrupt hault. The concept is unique and kept me reading, and I find myself to be a /very/ picky reader on a regular basis! I especially enjoy the twists of humor added in here and there! Keep writing, I need to know more!

-Lilycus

OMG i love your story!

...Well, the first chapter anyways, I was cracking up at the part where Plumpy threw plums at Violet.

Gotta read more! You're very talented at writing :D

This is so awesome Miss Jak! OMG! This dream world and stuff you created is like so totally cool. This is the first story for quite sometime that I found where it's like super good (with out all the M rated stuff). Your beta must be genius or you yourself lol. I love everything that's going on. And there are minuscule mistakes (like some missing words in the first chapter, but I think that may be a fiction press mistake). I am a bit peeved about there only being like two main characters besides the dad. But then again, I think that may be why I really like this too. But wow dude, this is so cool. I like the ideas you have here and it really got me thinking. I can actually believe everything easily, without much imagination. This is real thinking kind of story, and I like that. And I so can't wait for more, and I hate where you cut off lol. Well I hope you updates soon. Really fascinating writing. Happy writing, ja ne!

I love this so much, and when you get published, remember the little people. Honestly, I'm amazed by your talent, of course not just based on this chapter since I have been allowed to read more. D

And just so you don't think I'm being biased, I know your writing has some flaws, but they are greatly outweighed by the yuminess (

This was amazing. Very long, but I loved it.

It's original and was delivered beautifully. Usually when writing in first person people don't use a lot of description, but there was actually a lot of depth to this story.

Your characters were all realistic. No Mary-Sues or anything of that sort.

You better update this soon :]

-Jessie m p.s. pay it forward.