|Reviews for Once Upon A Nightmare|
| musicbox chapter 2 . 11/2/2013
I loved this chapter. The first paragraph was an amazing introduction to Violet's inner character and imagination, and the interactions between her and Violet were phenomenal.
I think I would have been more interested if Violet DID know how to play chest (particularly considering that she's a lit buff and chess is not an uncommon game metaphor in the type of literature she's drawn to), but chose not to once she saw the board he created.
So, I'll confess something else: Not too fond of the title of this story, or the majority of the chapter title's, for that matter. Also, I noticed in your amazon version that you don't have a table of contents, not so needed for a digital version, but still an important formality. For the chapters, I'd just keep it simple: Chapter One, Chapter Two, etc. If you want to sizzle it up, stick some quotes from gothic literature etc. at the beginning of each chapter which fit the tone/themes of each chapter. That would absolutely fit Violet's character, would reference the interaction she and Armand have later on, and would add to the tone of your story as a whole. Plus, it would add a certain amount of expertise to your piece.
As for a title, I might draw from something that's critical to the plot and/or the premise. Perhaps "The Circadian Clock" or "A Stitch of Time"? Something that gives your story a little more credit than "Once upon a nightmare" and, furthermore, somewhat fits the title structure you'll be establishing with "The Nightmare King".
| musicbox chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
I love your story, but I felt your talent for story telling improved as you went along. You seemed so caught up in explaining the premise in this first chapter that you forgot to *show*, while in later chapters you knew quite well that you could show first then explain later if needed (such as with the first appearance of the Night Terrors). Even in this chapter, you present us with the Circadian Clock without getting hung up on telling us everything about what it is. I only wish you could use this same approach when introducing us to the nightmares, the need to live on fear, the pill, etc. Just throw us in.
Don't get me wrong, you definitely show hear, and much of the explanation is very well done (e.g. I loved "An average mind..."). Just consider if some of the things you are explaining are truly necessary to explain now or if they can be explained through action or imagery instead. For example, the riff on convicts is interesting, but could probably come up later in the conversation with Violet about the famine and how feeding works.
The thing I loved most about this chapter is that it was from Alexander's POV. Using the prologue as an opportunity for the reader to get familiar with his character was genius on your part. Loved the last paragraph in particular.
| musicbox chapter 24 . 11/2/2013
I am going to go back and review the rest, but had to start here since I just breezed through your unique story. Loved the concept and the execution. While I think you did a great job of ending this story with a lingering feeling which doesn't necessarily require a sequel, believe me when I say: PLEASE WRITE A SEQUEL! I would love to beta it (I'm mostly a poetry writer, but got a degree in English Literature and was trained to give feedback), so feel free to contact me at if you're interested in sharing drafts with me.
I am curious to see what you end up doing with Gloom's power and what comes of Alexander's royalty. Meanwhile, I'll be seeking out this story on Amazon so I can give it another read to offer you feedback.
You should be very proud of this work. Thank you for sharing it.
| Salt and Vinegar Pringles chapter 24 . 10/31/2013
this is one of the best stories i've read in a very long time. it really, for me, comes along the same way as some of neil gaiman's work. some of the best storytelling i've read in a long time.
i am so absolutely psyched for the nightmare king.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/29/2013
Yes! I found you! You changed your name again so I lost the story for awhile:( but I found you!
| The Undecisive Thinker chapter 24 . 10/27/2013
This was actually pretty amazing. Admittedly, I prefer Alex to Armand but hey, what can you do? I loved the concept of this and hopefully the sequel is up cause I really want to read it! Good job!
| The Undecisive Thinker chapter 2 . 10/27/2013
I really like this so far :3 It's an entirely original idea which is awesome because it's hard to come across stories nowadays that are unique ideas c:
| Dominique Diane chapter 1 . 10/19/2013
Hello there! Guess what? I found my review :) forgive me if it's senseless, I wrote it at unhealthy hours in the morning after finishing it.
You know, I used to control my emotions, I would just read the story, cry a little and the go searching for another one, writing some crappy review without real meaning. But lately, I have been reading such wonderful stories I can't help but want to vomit when they end, I know it sound gross, but I'm just so full of sadness. I swear, this is the only story that has keep me crying even after it end, normally its when it ends, but The last ten minutes I have been thinking and I just can't hold my tears. I don't know what to do, it's just that in the beginning I was so confused with the story and in the end, I didn't understand if she loved Alexander or Armand, I think that's what is breaking my heart. This story not just motivates me to keep writing like the other ones but actually to re-think about my life in some way. I mean, I saw myself in Violets character, so full of imagination that living in the real world is boring, not being able to be yourself, instead living many different stories that aren't even real, just surviving everyday, craving every hour just to get home, read and get out of this world into one we couldn't be bothered, where we could control ourselfs. It sad how all the ambition I had as a kid is being ruined by my fantasy, what my teenage years are making me just a little bit sadder, a little bit away from reality. I just can't explain how this story got to me and shaked me from my confort zone. I can't thank you for what your story made me feel, but thank YOU for writing it.
(So yeah, I'm not the best at writing reviews)
| stupid stupid girl chapter 1 . 10/18/2013
THIS IS THE STORY I HAVE BEEN WAITING MOST OF MY LIFE TO FIND. YOU ARE A GENIUS. THANK GOD YOU EXIST MWA MWA MWA. Your characters are brilliant and the furthest things from cliches I've read on this site - or even on shelves - in a long time. And don't even get me started on the plot line! I was hooked from the summary and I started reading, desperately, *desperately* hoping you'd live up to the idea and not under- or overdo it and goddamn you didn't disappoint. I only stopped reading to catch a few measly hours of sleep and then I finished off the second half in the morning, and enjoyed every line of it. Just enough description of the fantasy element that it was believable, but without shoving paragraphs and paragraphs of prose down our throats. Even just writing this review I'm getting excited all over again about how fantastic this was and I'm super duper hoping there's going to be a sequel, and sooooooon.
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 24 . 10/17/2013
WOW! This is one of the best stories I've ever read on this site. I can't wait for the next book! I loved the ending and I'm glad she got back to her father. I really wish that Violet and Alexander were more of a couple. I love those two so much! Great work!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 21 . 10/16/2013
There has been a lot of action in these last few chapters. You did a great job drawing me in with action. A lot of people don't do a very good job with writing action. I also love your ability to stay in present tense-that alone takes a lot of talent. Great work and I can't wait to read the last few chapters!
| Dominique Diane chapter 24 . 10/15/2013
I actually wrote you a five paragraph review after finishing reading, but in the notes that I wrote it disappeared and I hadn't seen them anywhere, which is really sad. I just wanted you to know this story was pretty fucking awesome and that I cried like a baby while reading it.
| pearlday chapter 8 . 10/13/2013
Hmm... The beginning wasn't all too engaging. I was a bit confused as to what was happening. That was cleared up though when Violet started interjecting. Now there's some goals set forth. She needs to find this person and that person. She's also looking for Alexander. What does Gloom have to do with this? Who are the two brothers? Why does my internet have to turn off in 22 minutes? The world may never know.
| pearlday chapter 7 . 10/13/2013
Aww. I like gloom :)
| pearlday chapter 6 . 10/13/2013