Reviews for Stuck
lookingwest chapter 1 . 3/14/2010
Rachel invited Freddy to her house while her parents were out for a lunch date in the city since they never approved...

-Edit: needs to be a comma after "city"

They could see the reflection from their braces as they gritted their teeth in anticipation and determination.

-OH NO. I think I know where this is going...having had braces before...eh, let's see if my prediction comes true. If so, this has to be the best foreshadow I've come across in a VERY long time, XD

A few moments of fruitless and tooth aching struggles left both friends harboring a dark conclusion.

-AHH! CALLED IT! XD This is awesome! *bursts out laughing*

Your dialogue work is unbelievable, I'm so bad at that sort of thing-you really capture what it would probably sound like, haha. The muffled difficultly is great.

...because both mouths smelled of digested junk food.

-I think I'm going to be sick just thinking about it...omgomgomg, what if they threw-eh! Not going there! XD

Oh thank god that they called a friend! That's exactly what I would have done, so I like that it's really believable.

Oh, snap. That ending! Too bad-but it couldn't have been any other way.

Overall

-I haven't read a humor story in a really long time, too long, so I really enjoyed this. The writing style was smooth and easy to follow and I didn't find too many grammar/spelling mistakes, if I catch them, I always point them out. So overall I thought this was really well-rounded, you talked about the setting, went in depth to character, and described action-all in one short story! And the ending fit perfectly!
B. J. Winters chapter 1 . 1/30/2009
I liked the scenario, and the ending was pretty funny. Can't say as I've ever been in that situation, but I can empathize. (yes, contrary to popular opinion I was young once).

Two things I struggled with 1) the openning and 2) the dialogue. You aren't always consistent on words that are blurred (it should be all words in my opinion, and yet Rachel can say 'don't' but not 'that'), and I had a tough time knowing who was speaking and what they were saying.

And since I couldn't follow the flow and understand this new language the story lost meaning/impact.

Example: “Don’t do dat,” Rachel demanded through clenched teeth, but then sighed as well. “Shorry. Ny neck really hurtsh.” Freddy nodded in understanding causing a pained moan from both teenagers.

{This is presented all one line - so who is talking since the point of view is vague. If each has a line then this should be separated}

Example: Freddy and Rachel had been stuck in their predicament for well over an hour. Neither one could have foreseen it considering how well the day started.

{What is "this" - be specific. You take too long to explain why/how - I don't want to hear about 'before' when I'm left wondering and aleady interested/confused by 'now'}

I see potential, and it's the right length for the challenge. Good effort.
Chasing Skylines chapter 1 . 1/27/2009
[Neither one could have foreseen it considering how well the day started.]

Had started, I think? Since this started before what's happening currently?

[They could see the reflection from their braces as they gritted their teeth in anticipation and determination.]

Haha, nice, funny imagery there.

Realistic, believable dialogue as far as I can tell... I don't think I want to get my braces (I don't even have braces in the first place) stuck with someone else's to find out. XD

Hahaha, hilarious situation there.

Nice characterization, you really 'showed' it here...

-Sesshy
DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 1/27/2009
hahahahaha, thats pretty funny!

i like the story line and the problem that occured. i never would have expected that to happen and it was unique.

however, the end was kind of a disappointment. i dont feel like the parents coming in and rachel saying she could explain really does this piece justice. i wouldn't really know how to make a better ending though, so i'm not much help there lol.

but over all, i enjoyed it. it's a cute, fun piece with a great hooker!
Royal Bliss chapter 1 . 1/10/2009
This is probably my favorite story from the WCC.

The characterization and dialog was perfect. Everything seemed to flow into each other, nothing seemed stiff or awkward. Very nice description it wasn't too much but it was definitely enough.

Braces get stuck to everything, I know...in middle school my friend's braces got caught to my backpack and I ended up ripping the metal square off her tooth, it sucked but was funny.

Anyway, nice work :)
Ray-Anne chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
Literally made me laugh aloud; fantastic!