Reviews for Velvet Shadows
Kannon chapter 1 . 6/4/2009
i just read the prolog and somthing bugged me... this one line... it said "His teeth, or should I say fangs, snarled at me hungrily." I didn't know teeth themselves could growl...
Aradia Cloud chapter 18 . 5/27/2009
I don't like what he did to Chris. I don't like that at all. How dare he? Who does he think he is?
Storyteller's Shadow chapter 29 . 5/26/2009
Aww...Velvet Shadows is over. I know there will be another book, but somehow I just can't think that there won't be more updates on this one.

I'm glad Arc and Chris are friends again, and I like the way you did it. I don't beleive in loving two people at the same time as well. It was funny how childish and whiny he bacame when he talked about Night. As if he stole his candy or teddy bear. I think Arc would be the character I can relate with most...

Will you please explain Liz to me? I'm not sure I recall too much about her.

I'm not sure if you want me to continue with the edits, meassage me if you do.

Great job, and I can't wait for more!
Sakiru Yume chapter 29 . 5/23/2009
I really liked this chapter, as I did all the others. I liked that you made Night different from Edward, and I can't wait to read your sequel and Cross my Heart. Anyway, nice job, and please continue writing. :)
Storyteller's Shadow chapter 28 . 5/17/2009
When I heard that this is the last chapter I almost fell off my chair. Then, I saw that there will be another instalmnet, and I got back up again! I liked this chapter. It was kind of short compared to the others, but you can see a lot of personality from all three of them.

There was a line in there, for which I have praise and questions “Today is your birthday. I didn't see the need to hold back my...desire.” I don't know if it's the way it's written, the ..., but something made me see his expression ver, very clearly. It was amazingly written. I'm not sure though if what I'm thinking is true. How it being her birthday doesn't give him a need to hold back. I remember he would, because of his father, does her birthday give him an excuse to forget about his father for a little while?

Arc is so childish. He's like a five year old trying to act all grown up. He comes in and showers her with words "Stupid evil vampires" "And I still couldn't go!" and then he tries to act all high and mighty around Night, and put a claim on her, like a favourite play mate. It's funny. I like it. I really do wish he could meet Cynthia.

What happened with Sam and them? They were really angry and I want to know how they feel about her now. Will that be in the next instalmnet?

Did you get my email with the edits? I'm not sure it got through, please reply to it so that I know, or to this comment.l
Sakiru Yume chapter 28 . 5/16/2009
Um, Twilight much? I mean, that so reminded me of Twilight, with Night as Edward and Arc as Jacob. I mean, Arc was the cheerful, mildly annoying best friend who got jealous of the boyfriend (Night).

It was well written, though. I can't wait for the epilogue and the sequel! YAY! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
ishani acuinatum.ashley chapter 28 . 5/16/2009
it's 's situation is just like bella...with arc as jacob...i hope you didn't mind the com[parison...anyway...can't wait to read the it's gonna be wonderful...


Tricia.something like that chapter 27 . 5/10/2009
like always, awsome!

Gratz on completing the story!

I wonder what's going to happen w/ arc now... hehehehe...

Keep up the awsome work.

CrimsonSenses chapter 27 . 5/9/2009
Yeaahh! You finished it! It's great!

I just love the ending! Night and Chris (L)

You could do a sequel... I guess it up to you. If you're happy with the ending you could not write it. Though, if you do have loads of great ideas, then I'd say for it!

I love the story and the ending was great!

Are you going to write it from Night's point of view? It would be interesting...

Anyway, it's your choice!

Storyteller's Shadow chapter 27 . 5/9/2009
Yay~ Night and Chris! I'm happy. Do you know what I like about Night? He has weaknesses. He isn't completely perfect, noble, or kind. I much more real character then many others. Try to put some more weaknessess in Chris as well, not just the obvious lack of complete physical strength.

“Please behave,” he said, trying to hide a smile.

...I won't argue. We'll save that for the rewrite.

Good job on the chapter. It was a bit quick, and poor Arc was forgotten but it was interesting nonetheless. I really would like to see interaction between Arc and Cynthia. It would be funny.
Sakiru Yume chapter 27 . 5/9/2009
Good chapter, as always. I think you should do a sequel. Well, that depends on how it ends, but regardless, I still think you should probably have some sort of sequel.

So, they're back together. I liked this chapter, but not as much as some of your other chapters. I don't know why-I just didn't like it as much. It was still well written, though.
Tricia.something like that chapter 26 . 5/5/2009
omg i love it, lol it's great. keep up the awsome work _
Storyteller's Shadow chapter 26 . 5/5/2009
Ok, I'm going to leave a really long review for you now, I'm not sure you would like all of it though. I'll start with the bad, to get it over with and progress to what you have done very well.

Twilight much? Chris not Christabel (Bella not Isabela) The way she met him in the cafeteria (he turns to look at her, the beauty of him and all the others, Queenie as Rosalie), when she told him she's never had a boyfriend before, I quote here, both Twilight and your story "a clean break", Arc/Jacob, and so many other things, I just listed a couple of the most obvious.

Harry Potter too! Luna Lockhart (Luna Lovegood, Gilderoy Lockhart), the angel of death which told her to choose her path, just like Dumbledor told Harry and some more I can't quite recall. You also used the phrase "nine-tailed fox". What I have to say about that is "Beleive it! Dattebayo!".

Sometimes I have the feeling that this should be in , not fictionpress. I really don't mind the Harry Potter and Naruto inspirations, they appear quite rarely and I don't think it's possible for a writer to write without taking even just a bit from his or her inspirations. I wouldn't mind the Twilight thing too if your story wasn't so connected to it! The thing that makes me really angry is that you have talent. You have amazing writing talend and some really great ideas. In fact, I think I perfer the Twilight story this way since I'm all for more fantasy elements. The thing is though that Twilight was already done. You aren't one of those people who have no ideas so have to use someone elses. On the contrary, you have amazing ideas.

Please, please, please do something for me. Finish this story the way you have started it, it would be weird if you don't. After that do a sort of rewrite. A very similar story, but without so much Twilight cliches. Your story isn't too much like Twilight, just some phrases and order of events are which drive me crazy! When you do this, the story will stay the same, just the link will be broken, or at least loosened. Please. I really love your story, and I think it could be published. If it is so Twilight like it won't be, but I know it has the potential! Even if you don't think about the publishing, I think doing this would not only help you gain more story fans (I liked it a lot and showed it to some of my friends, but they said they've read that though you have good ideas, they've already read such a story) but it will help you polish off yourself as a writer. Please, you just have such an amazing writing style and such gread ideas...I will help you edit if you wish.

Ok, now about the amazing. I really enjoy the way the other creatures are superior, but not crazy superior to humans. Unlike Twilight and so many other books I can think of, they can relate to the humans. They aren't so 'super' that humans seem worthless next to them. Creatures like that really make me lose self esteem, and they aren't interesting. They can do anything and don't get in trouble and such. You also show that humans have some advantages over some of those supernaturals as well. It kind of raises your spirits that 'you can get a different species boyfriend" _ Again, much more interesting to read about.

You are a very descriptive writer, the basketball game is an example of how you draw the reader in completely. It was all very well written, and I found very little spelling and grammer mistakes. I see that there are two components to the story, have you though of separating them? Making them into different installments? It might be a bit more orginized that way.

You have really good character development. Almost every single person in your story has a defined, and very beleivable personality. In many stories the characters seem fake, and I cannot feel them as a part of the story at all. I think someone who you haven't developed a lot is Chris' aunt and her best friend. In fact they haven't been appearing very often at all. I think you should give them a bit more recognision, and a bit more of a role for her friend.

You know I was a bit surprised Chris didn't go back to Night. I mean it obviously wasn't his fault and he wanted to protect her. It wasn't predictable though, and that is good. I just hope she and Night get back together, I'll probably cry if they don't. I feel sorry for Arc though, but I was thinking, he and the witch (who by the way you haven't mentioned in a really long time and I think you should) would make a really, really cute couple.

I'm really sorry for all the critique, but I really love your story (though it may not seem so sometimes). There would be no review if I wasn't fasinated by your writing skills. I can't wait for another update.

PS. Please ignore the spelling, and message me back about my questions.
Sakiru Yume chapter 26 . 5/2/2009
When I read the title of this chapter, I had thought that you hadn't finished and was posting it anyway. Then I was really confused.


In the paragraph starting with "I felt myself lifted up from the floor", you should probably explain who "he" is. I didn't really get that. Either that, or you should say "Night" for the next paragraph, because I had to read that a few times to understand who it was.


Sorry, but I love Night. And now he's back. Yay.
xoxstorii-gurrlxox chapter 25 . 4/26/2009
Omg! Poor Night! I cant believe you did that to them! Its soo sad. Hope you update soon!
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