|Reviews for To Break The Line|
| TymCon chapter 2 . 6/9/2009
wow. Interesting chapter! Wonder whats happeneing!
| TymCon chapter 1 . 6/5/2009
I like this story. The plot is interesting so far. I like the plot becuase it seems intereseting whiot him seeing stuff and his parents in complete denial. The imagery is really good. I like it becuase it was very descriptive and unique especially the one beetween the light and dark spirit at the end. Overall its very good and ill probably keep reading.
| KagamiNoRyukuKai chapter 5 . 5/15/2009
First off, I like the subtle puns you make in the titles. It's a very welcoming effect once the reader gets it.
Secondly, I absolutely abhor the 403 forbidden error that's plaguing this site. Mind you, I just had to complain about it when I try to go through your chapters _
Thirdly, it was intimidating at first, when I saw the way the paragraphs are presented in chapter 1-3. In all honesty; hard to read. Then you changed that in chapters 4-5, which is great; more split paragraphs, easier to read, more flow, so I won't have to skim as much :D
Fourth: There were several grammatical errors, including correct word usage, typos, and punctuation, but otherwise it's not so bad in that department (everyone makes that kind of mistake)
Fifth: Interesting, lots of intricate details, some humor, and characterization that makes it easy to relate to the characters, aside from the fact that sometimes their humor and demands for answers seemed a bit out of the ordinary comparing to the situation and how alien the world is to them. It's almost as if despite the authority sensed, these teenagers lack the respect or at least the cordiality one would expect when thrown into a world where understanding and respect comes first, then questions? That's just me though.
Sixth: like the concept; it's most certainly different from some of the other stories I've read here; reminds me a lot of Redwall series, which I used to read when I was younger.
You are right, sometimes there are just stories that scream at you to write them XD Great job so far, hope you receive more readers :D
| LeChem chapter 1 . 1/9/2009
Your characterization is exceptional and I definitely felt like I could see into Nathan's mind throughout the story. For a first chapter this was very well written and I really can't think of much by way of criticism to help you make it better, mostly because it was just so good. I can't wait for more!