|Reviews for Magnolia|
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
I liked this one a lot, too! :P
I think that you're very talented writing in this type of niche-hurt, angsty stories. :)
The things that I liked the most about this was the repeition with the lines, "her heart continued to beat, beat, beat." and "the blush in ther cheeks was becoming lighter and lighter." I think that it added to the overall hopelessness of the girl's situation, maybe? I'm not sure. lol. But, it helped convey the mood, at least. :P
From "The Roadhouse!"
| MAYBExsomeday chapter 1 . 3/3/2010
Haha, YES! I love Spring Awakening too! I got to see it when they came to Chicago, oh my god. it was absolutely PERFECT! I have a youtube link to watch the whole thing online if you'd like it. someone took a recording of it while they were there. anyway, back to the review!
I really like how this is short, simple and straight to the point. I also feel that you captured the mothers reaction to this very well, the blindness to the situation. You pulled a lot of emotion in with a few words. Very nice.
| LadyLuck123 chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
"Calmly, rhythmically, like a clock, like a metronome, like the metronome that sat on top of the piano she played back when she had enough strength to lift her wiry fingers and press the keys."
I loved that description. This was very deep, tragic and well-written.
| xXhootsXx chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
That made me so sad...sniff...Poor girl...In a few words...you made me depressed.
Well, gotta be depressed for the February chapter.
| taerkitty chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Reads like poetry (warning: I'm horrible at critiquing poetry!) - it's very powerful, and very well done. There's a rhythm to this piece, a tempo in sentence length that inspires me to try to utilize it in my works. (Hey, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, no?)
It's so very sad and effective. If I had to make a suggestion, I'd ask you to give a little more background - I understand the want to leave it general, to ask the reader to fill in the blank, but this blank may be too big for me to fill in as it stands. The summary warns of a hint of abuse, and there is mention of unwanted hands, but how did they land her in hospital, and what is causing her to fade?
Again, it's just a suggestion, one that I offer only if netiquette dictates I must. If not, I would like to offer congratulations on a very well-done piece.
| Experiment101 chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
I like this not one of my favorites and the sentences seem a little choppy, I think this would be great with some editing and maybe beef it up a bit. Good work though.
| BangxDitto chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
That was just-wow!
So haunting, and just o! goosebumps!
Sad though. Poor girl, never had a chance it seems.
Loved it more than my BEING;
| RavenclawRebel chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
That was really, really good. very poetic and I loved how the words flowed... I loved it!
| Gone with the tide chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
I love the repetition "And the blush in her cheeks was becoming lighter and lighter", describing a slow fade. Also, how you related her heartbeat to a metronome, and when she could play piano. Overall a very beautiful piece, I'd say, despite the sad topic.
| MantraMagazine chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
You like the Hush Sound? AWESOMENESS! I can see the correlation, and the short and sweet format was pleasing to read. I almost want to ask you to expound on it, it was so good, but then that might disrupt what you've got going on here. Good job, Bob and Greta would be proud.
| TrajectoryToNoWhere chapter 1 . 12/5/2009
Oh my goodness. Epically beautiful!~ The imagery is so nice, especially with the rhythmic effect. The specifics were confusing to me slightly, but the idea was perfectly clear. You say this is based on a song? I'll check it out.
You portrayed it all well, though I couldn't really picture the girl herself. But then, I guess I imagined it from her point of view. . . hm, that's nice. :]
| Stormer chapter 1 . 10/28/2009
Your writing is excellent. I have nothing to criticise, so I'll just say well done! You did a good job of touching on a terrible subject without spelling anything out. Subtle awfulness.
| Narq chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
I loved the intro, and I think what you could do, is keep the "beat" "beat" "beat" through out the whole story.
Like, after the "her breahting was becoing heavier", have a new para and have: But no, breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, I think your " beat, beat, beat" could change in punctuation. commas seem to have a shorter gap than full stops. You could have full stops there and I think it would change the feeling to "Calmly, rhythmically".
Comforting lies was wonderful!
I loved the repitition of the cheeks at the end!
| Danielle Gin chapter 1 . 7/25/2009
This was written very poeticly. It had a flow to it and repeated certain things throughout, causing it to want to relax the reader, but the words themselves begged other wise. Nice work! And Magnolia is a great song by the Hush Sound. I adore their stuff!
| BlaznFangurl chapter 1 . 6/27/2009
This was good, and sad, I don't know the song but it was nice...