Reviews for Magnolia
Nightmare Of Eden chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
Honestly, I think this should have gone under poetry. It really feels more like poetry than an actual story.

That being said, this was very sad and vague enough to not be overbearing or angsty. Good balance!
Icyfire4w5 chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
This story is sad but beautifully written. I feel bad for the girl because um, I could have ended up like her. I hope that she is still alive...

((I have googled "Magnolia", hey, the lyrics are awesome.))
ADSpencer chapter 1 . 3/27/2009
This was excellently written. I've known of too many little girls treated like this. This short piece has a big impact. Nicely done.
ReoDreams chapter 1 . 3/25/2009
I feel like I'm going to cry now.

And, let me tell you, not much makes me cry. This is the first story that has made me want to cry this much...So terribly sad, yet, in a way, inspiring. It makes me want to say, 'Hey, there are people who really live like this, I really need to change the world!' Perhaps I should write another chapter to Tuisku first, though. ;D

Thank you so much, for writing such a wonderful story. :D
SimplyComplicated17 chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
This is very deep. Your writing is perfection. You expressed death and abuse in such a poetic way. It really leaves an impression.
trolley wood chapter 1 . 2/11/2009
So, I promise, I did not look at your author's note before making the connection between this piece and the Hush Sound. Seriously, good job. This sentence especially struck a chord:

"[(Calmly, rhythmically, like a clock, like a metronome,) this part itself is like a metronome. Though I think it would have much more impact if you had a period here, as it sure deserves its own full stop.] like the metronome that sat on top of the piano she played back when she had enough strength to lift her wiry fingers and press the keys."

As well, like the others have dutifully pointed out, the repetition is used tastefully. The line "days and more days" (which you used more than once,) reminds me of the line in Macbeth, "tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow."

-Trolley

p.s. Another Eisley fan! OO *brings out cake*

p.p.s. I have the same name as one of the DuPree sisters. Guess which one.
poet without a purpose chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
Wow. I definitely enjoyed this piece. Your style is so poetic and just really cool. I like the repetition, especially with the parts about the blush in her cheeks. Nice work. :)
raineyday chapter 1 . 2/5/2009
I really enjoyed your style. It's very poetic, and you convey the emotion in this story very simply but very, very well. For something so short, this is incredibly powerful. I like the use of repetition in this piece, too.
Engineer of Words chapter 1 . 1/15/2009
I'm a fan of this style, this sort of poetic prose narration, and I must say you've done the style justice. The repetition is tastefully done, and the imagery is quite vivid.

"They were like children, unsympathetic as they dragged their doll around and used her for entertainment."

This line is incredible. You took all the injustices and forced adventures in vicarious enjoyment that parents make their kids suffer through and gave it the perfect metaphor.

As a matter of course I like to juxtapose pros and cons... But I couldn't find anything I didn't like! Excellent work, keep at it.
Charactarantula chapter 1 . 1/12/2009
So I was trying to pick which of your stories to review, and I picked this one because Magnolia is the name of our Home Theatre department at Best Buy (I am employed there.)

Overall, I liked the story. Great use of repeating words and phrases for emphasis (the getting lighter and lighter thing) and you had some great descriptions. I hate hospitals with a passion for a variety of reasons, so the seemingly unimportant lines you added actually had a lot of impact for me. The medicine and more medicine. The hospital becoming the home. etc. etc.

I didn't completely understand what the story's purpose/message was, however, or why she was in the hospital bed in the first place, but that's probably because I haven't listened to the song...

Anyway, good work.

-Jake
criti-sized chapter 1 . 1/11/2009
The vague meaning of this short is very nice. I like the short sentencing that emphasizes a lot of the emotion in it.

C.S.
murazrai chapter 1 . 1/11/2009
Hmm...quite a short yet complete story. Being sexually abused and ignored is very terrible. I assumed that she is dead, perhaps due to the abuse. Nice work.
Mercyette chapter 1 . 1/10/2009
I think your depictions were very nice in this peice. I really liked how you repeated lines within it to make the emphasis even more powerful. I only wish it were longer, lol. Good job!
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