i love sth short and rhyme, and this is just it! great job! i can sense the emotion all over the lines~~great job~~

wow this is really good ]

keep up the good work! ;D

P_S

I really like "throaty noises." That's a great image - I think swollen, thick, et cetera.

Ah, I loved this one to put it simply.

So dark and cold...it makes me think of ice blue, blinding white, and dark rotting black...such a nice combination, no?

ja ne

it's absolutely beautifula dn flows so well. i don't really know what it means, and it seems neither did you, so maybe make up a stopry now that you've written it lol but it's really nice.

"With each one a shiv’ring gasp."- not so clear that each second you are gasping

:) my only critique

Very nice thought. Anyway, I thought it was rather creative. I would think it would be hard pulling off a dieing scene in a poem without stealing someone elses idea. You pulled it off perfectly.

Great rhyme scheme. It works quite well with the imagery you've presented. I can really feel the coldness of the poem. Great work and thanks for the review!

Very eerie. I like the way you wrote this; it makes it seem as though the narrator of this poem is drowning.

I'm horrible at rhyming because when I do it, it sounds contrived. Your poem, on the other hand, sounds natural, like it's just the way you would talk and you happened to rhyme in the process. I also loved the use of "shriv'ring" in the last line. Very Dickinson-esque of you! I also love the theme of "broken things," from "shards," to "broken," to "cracks," and so forth. It's a great thread all the way through from beginning to end.

The tone and the rhyme scheme work well to create both a mood and an atmosphere. Very thought provoking. Well written.

So wonderfully-written.

Dark but beautiful.

My goodness. Lexie, you have a lot of readers!

You have obviously received a lot of praise for this already, so I'm going to be honest and give some concrit, even though I do take note that you might not apply it.

You're a decent writer. I'm sure you know other words for "cracks", "death" and "noises" that aren't as generic. Another reviewer mentioned that this poem was still a little ordinary, but a few extra touches would really make it shine, and I agree. A lot of the imagery is perfect and uniquely written. If you find that same voice for the rest, you would have a beautiful and very individual poem.

"Ears are held to block the rasp" is descriptive, but the verb usage is passive. I noticed another reviewer didn't understand it very easily. A more active voice (like "Covered ears" instead of "Ears are held") puts the verb and the image first and takes the emphasis off of the ears. Obviously there are more poetic ways to say it, but I'm just giving an example to illustrate my point. I think it would lend more power to your ideas.

A lovely piece. Short but complex.

I like this, keep up the good work :)

But I think that you should make it a little bit longer.

Wow...this is amazing. I love the imagery in it...it's so...ah, how to put it? Chilling...haunting...beautiful! D definitely a fave!