|Reviews for The Freezing Cold|
| Mr. Aek chapter 2 . 6/21/2010
hey, have you ever added more to this story?
| Zegram chapter 3 . 1/26/2009
Another great chapter, everything from the opening sentence to the last little cliff hanger was comic gold while still keping everything fairly vague. Sure, we know why he's in Cousier city now but now we have monsters running around and lots of abandonment. I assume one has something to do with the other? I can't wait for the next chapter to see how Billy and Jean interact and see just what other trouble he can get into. Here's hoping he finds a derelict slurpee machine.
| Mr. Aek chapter 3 . 1/17/2009
I hit the end thus far :(
This is amazing, no complaints from me now... keep it up - love the humor... please please hurry up with more!
Best I've read off fictionpress so far.
| Mr. Aek chapter 1 . 1/13/2009
"Under the glass, reflective, moonlit sky, which was partially veiled by a cluster of clouds, happened to lay the metropolis known as Cousier City."
"Under the glass, reflective, moonlit sky, partially veiled by a cluster of clouds, happened to lay the metropolis known as Cousier City."
Just sounds better :) simplify your sentences, a lot of times words such as which, that, then, and, where, etcetera are not really needed.
"All of this was uncertain, however, and the news helicopters circling overhead the crackling fires, the bloodied corpses, and the ever rising stench of death, tried desperately to catch a glimpse of the biggest story of the year."
"All of this was uncertain, however, the news helicopters circling overhead the crackling fires, the bloodied corpses, the ever rising stench of death, tried desperately to catch a glimpse of the biggest story of the year."
once again, you don’t need the "and's"
"The camera man - whose jaw had literally dropped so much, that if it wasn't hinged, it would've easily fallen on the floor - zoomed in on the beholding sight. " this sentence is awkward, try rewording it.
the entire crew being shocked to see the shadows is a bit odd, try to explain their appearances a bit more so the reader will know why they are so shocked. well at least explain it sooner..
"Japanese sword" try to explain the swords more, Japanese sword don’t say much at all, there are a lot of different kinds of them.
But, a very good story so far, one of the best I’ve seen all day, good job on that. Just a warning though – try to stay away from the clichés, here is a list: /topic/169/3263/1/ A good writer try’s to make something new, something no one else has made before.
| Zegram chapter 2 . 1/13/2009
Wow, very good start to what I can tell will be a great story. Not only was the entire chapter mysterious and interesting but it was told from the perspective of a narrator who is just good company and knows how to tell a story. His non-existent, shamed nordic ancestors must have taught him a thing or two. I can't wait for the next chapter not only just to find out what happened and who these people are but just so I can get more of this great writing.