|Reviews for Yokai|
| GilliamPiper chapter 3 . 7/16/2009
I really liked this chapter, and having it take place from Rai's perspective was an extra bonus! I think I only saw a couple of areas that needed improvement, but other than that, everything was very close to perfection.
I liked the fight scene, and Rai's history intrigues me! Please write more!
| GilliamPiper chapter 2 . 7/11/2009
Wow. I think your chapters just keep getting better and better! I can't remember seeing any mistakes other than one at the end, where you spelled feet as 'feat'. But that's it, I think.
Any who, I thought it was overall very enjoyable, especially the parts where Sky is experiencing the abilities of Fear for the first time.
Rai's character is very well done too. I like him a lot.
Can't wait to read more!
| GilliamPiper chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
Pretty awesome, Shadow! I think my favorite part was the meeting with Rai, it was really fun. I enjoyed this chapter a lot!
I saw a couple of spelling or grammatical errors, but just two or three total, so I'd call it a success.
I can't help but see that our stories have a major similarity (I can't post mine until the eleventh): Kouji is the Host of a Dimension-Hopping Being called Apih that talks to him through his mind, and often makes sarcastic comments, and Sky has a dog-deity that speaks to her through her mind. Great minds think alike, I suppose.
| Possk chapter 1 . 2/10/2009
Agh, forced to reply to the first chapter 'cause apparently FP has a limit.
I still suck at critique, so sorry if I don't help much, lol.
Like I said before, I really love how their personalities are shown through the way each character observes the situation around them; very nice work. Your writing is improving a lot, and not just by description. It's just getting better, and I also noticed there were barely any spelling/grammatical mistakes in this, much fewer than your other fanfics. (Lol, sorry, I just noticed that in a couple of your stories; blame Yearbook, they force us to be keen for errors.)
Rai is turning out to be a very, very well done character. I like how he talks and acts calmly, yet still has underlying doubts and insecurities. Like at the very end of the chapter, where he admits his name is 'Lie' and how he is forced to even make things vague towards his best friend (or I'm just assuming Night is his best friend *Shrug*). Definitely an interesting character. Only thing I found slightly cliche about him was that he was an excellent fighter, yet he was a pacifist. Don't know why, but I'm always wondering why the characters described as great fighters hate to fight. Not just you, lots of other writers. I'm like, 'why can't said awesome fighter love hurting people and acting like a jackass?' XD But through the doubts you gave him, I'm sure there's an excellent reason as to why he doesn't like fighting instead of just simply 'he believes it is wrong.' *CoughWEEDcough* Like with Syaoran, where you said that though he was a pacifist in 'The Game', he had good reasons to be because of his past.
..And I'm writing an essay for this. o.o' Anyways, the descriptions really are getting better, and there is a better use of words, too. Better diction, I think that was the phrase. Plus, the reader wants to read more as Rai's thoughts leave questions rather than answers. Who was it he killed before? Who is 'Tom'? There was a place where Yokai were forcibly put into humans? All questions, so naturally the reader will want to read more, so it keeps the story interesting. Nice job, SWD. The only criticism I can offer is that I so badly want to read more about Rai. XD You made him TOO interesting, dang it! xD
OK, I can't offer real good criticism, but does it help to say you're improving? Lol. PLEASE write more soon. xD
| Possk chapter 3 . 2/10/2009
Whoa..SWD, this was really one of your best chapters yet, in any of your stories. The writing was excellent and there is a clear difference just in the way Rai describes the situation rather than Skyler does; you can get a feel towards their personalities just by comparing the writing. I really love how you pulled that off.
I'll write another review for my opinion later (I'm at school at the moment, so..), but I really, really like this chapter and Rai's character. Keep up the good work!
| Wyrewolf chapter 1 . 2/9/2009
I really like the premise of this. You have a good grasp for both of their personalities and can display them really well. Although I think more description would help out a lot. I mean we're in Sky's mind so let's get super into it. I love her conversations with Fear, who is one of the high points of the story (P.S. His and Sky's relationship is probably the most important pivot, at least in my opinion), but her mind should run a little less mechanically.
Maybe I'm just reading her character wrong but people get distracted and reminded by things, their thoughts drift, their focus sways, and although she remains focused in the chaos and uncertainty I think we need to see more of her even in these first chapters. I do love what flair in her we do see.
Rai is also a good character, his hidden motivations and mysterious wit are very good and keeping him in the dark is great.
Oh but I love the genuineness and informality of the narrative. Like really engaging the culture and expressions of today, you have a good hand a dialogue too... Which is really good and I'm looking forward to promised violence... maybe? Maybe I'm just obsessed.
Anyways, awesome job Shadow, I can't wait to read more. XD
| Possk chapter 2 . 1/30/2009
Uh-oh...Sorry for reviewing a week later then I said I would. xD
So far it's pretty good. Rai is a mysterious character for sure and Skyler seems like an unwitting pawn of Fear's. Poor 'gal, lol. Rai is like...he sort of reminds me of Fai from Tsubasa, actually. Happy and cracking jokes on the surface but totally mysterious underneath. It'll be interesting seeing him in later chapters.
I'm not good at critique, so I'll make this short. xD So far the characters are being introduced pretty well and their personalities are starting to show. It might do some good to add a little more description of the area around them and to go more into detail about Sky's home life (if you aren't planning to do so already).
The only thing else is that it's a little fast paced in the beginning, but not in a bad way. It's good. I definitely can't wait to see more.