|Reviews for Consequences|
| Poyo chapter 20 . 10/27/2009
Okay, so I admit I was a bit lost because it had been such a long time since I read the last chapter. I managed to remind myself and figure things out, so don't worry.
I really miss your writing. It's so very crisp and clean, and you don't overwhelm us readers with flashy adjetives. You give us just enough to get a clear image, and then move on. That's something I hope to learn to do someday with my writing. But, in order to do that, you have to know what's happening. You have to have some sort of game plan I would assume - and I write on a whim.
I wish the chapter was longer! Ugh, you're so mean! Oh, and Defiance won't be back on FP as far as I'm concerned. I'm currently rewriting the rewrite (XD!) and will try to publish it soon after. I am, however, brainstorming some other FP stories for the future.
Glad you see you back in action, and I really hope to read more of your work! Update when you can!
| invisible black sheep chapter 20 . 10/27/2009
This was a great chapter! I was waiting for it impatiently, and I'm glad it's finally out! Love your writing, can't wait to read more!
| RaelynRayne chapter 19 . 3/19/2009
I absolutely LOVE this story... I so hope that you plan on continuing it and soon!
| Poyo chapter 19 . 2/28/2009
You know, back a bunch of chapters I thought Lisa would eventually come back - but not as herself, of course. Then I completely threw the thought out of my head, believing she had been a murder victim and nothing else.
Now she's knocing at the door.
I want to believe that Lisa was lieing to Becca, but I can't help but feel that what they're saying isn't so far from the truth. The hint you left me also helps, but I can plainly see something in the story. There's a secret everyone is keeping, especially Ian. There's got to be! He's just too perfect, too flawless to not have something hidden.
Thanks for the list of books to read! I think I'm going to check out Wicked Lovely first, since I've heard a lot of good things about it. ! I also have Defiance's update almost done (I think) but knowing me I'll change a bunch of things before posting it. I think I'm getting writer's block! *Gasp*
You're an awesome updater! I can't believe how quickly you can spit out these chapters, and not lose an ounce of quality to your writing! You're a marvelous writer, it's a rare gift.
Can't wait to read more!
| Poyo chapter 18 . 2/26/2009
That last few lines in this chapter made me smile, not like I was happy this was happening to Ian and Becca. No, more like it fit very well. The pauses, the hesitations - and the final words.
You can be very dramatic when you need to be, and I think it gave this chapter a nice cryptic touch. It left me feeling hallow (in a good way) and nervous. I wonder if this other Vampire can out do Ian, through sheer age alone? Or, if needed, could he grapple with him (or her?) and overcome?
To put it simply, does Ian even have chance against this foe?
So, you beat me to the update (but techinically I'm still on my hiatus vacation. 1-2 weeks! .-) and will probably update a second time before I get my next chapter up. I am extremely slow, and thick-headed. Sometimes I just can't write anything worth reading.
Great update needless to say!
| Poyo chapter 17 . 2/24/2009
O.o! Oh, nice cliffhanger there! This chapter was intense, but I loved it! I honestly didn't expect anything to happen to Becca's sister, but rather her car. I figured it would somehow get ruined and would cause some conflict.
I can't get over Ian and that suave personality of his! He's quite mysterious, and the way he handles things is (for lack of a better word in my sleep-deprived state) awesome. I like how he always seems to have some hidden agenda, even when dealing with simple matters. His mind is always ticking, always working as step by step the plot ensnares us readers.
You're very eloquent, and it's something I'd like to learn from. Adapt so that when I continue writing, I too can flourish.
I had a feeling Ian would go check the crash site, and knew maybe something was wrong - just obviously not what. This is when things start to close together, and the real threat rears its ugly head.
Now we ask: Who cut the brakes? And why?
Great update! Keep it up!
| Poyo chapter 16 . 2/21/2009
How romantic! Becca is quite flustered with his iron control, any girl would be but it's commendable. I like how you snuck in your short Gaelic phrases like 'a chroi' and 'a ghra' of which I would never have known the meaning to.
I tried looking up a chroi, and only found things like 'O dear heart' and such but I wasn't entirely certain if that's what it truly meant. It tells us readers that Ian is indeed quite old, aside from his normal mannerisms. It's charming.
I think it's cute that he spends the nights at her home, in her bedroom. His self-control is amazing, and so is Becca's. I'm eager for more, and am truly enraptured! I'm loving the sweetness of their admiration, but am somewhat nervous for them.
All is well now, but eventually the tides will turn against their love - and only then will their true colors reveal themselves. How far will either of them go for the other? So many unanswered questions and tension riding in the air, so many possibilities! I can't wait!
Happy Reading & Writing!
| Poyo chapter 15 . 2/21/2009
Ah, so they ended at his house! Which by the way, sounds like a dream home! I'd love to have a balcony like that!
Ian is an absolute sweetheart, and I can't get over how real is feels. Everything he does seems so vivid, as though you weren't writing about a fictional being but someone who you once knew. It's amazing how you can orchestrate his personality and actions so well!
I tried opening up the website for the coat you described, but it's currenly unavailable - I do intend to look into it, seeing as it sounds interesting. Authentic, even.
Thanks for all of the replies, too! I'm moving on to the next chapter, can't wait to eat it up!
Oh, and another thing I want to commend you on: Your one-liners! They're priceless and captivating, I wish I had such a thorough imagination.
| Poyo chapter 14 . 2/21/2009
Ok, so I actually read this around 7-8am, but the internet started acting up and I was unable to review. It seems to have pulled its head out of its ass for the time being.
I really liked this chapter! I was all giddy because I've been in similar situations! I think most of us have! You want to look nice for a boy, and you don't know what'll be appropriate or not. You want to look classy, but not overly available.
So, throughout the entire chapter I was grinning to myself. And I must say, the description you provided for Becca's outfit is stunning! She sounds like an angel! I can't wait to read on and see what Ian's thinks of her makeover.
| Poyo chapter 13 . 2/21/2009
“I beg your pardon, miss, but I don’t hit young ladies.” That made me outright laugh! Ian's Father figure is such an angel, I wish all fathers were that thoughtful and caring.
So, we finally get to 'meet' Ian's maker, and I have to say she sounds quite dangerous. Coniving, even. I'm waiting for the moment Becca tells Ian about her dream, and wanting to know what his reaction might be. I know what his maker is trying to do - she's trying to convince Becca that his love for her is a fake. Temporary.
But it can't be! It feels so genuine and true, he can't be pulling at Becca's strings like that. No, it's all a ploy to seperate them.
| Poyo chapter 12 . 2/21/2009
Oh, my likey! This chapter just kept making me shiver with anticipation! I've always liked the fact that supernatural can mean sexy and enigmatic. I liked that Ian dropped off some roses in her bedroom, and the fact that your Vampires still need invitations to enter homes.
It's an old tradition that's been long forgotten, I like seeing it spark back to life this way.
I can't wait to read on, so my review might seem a bit hollow. I just want to know if he comes back, and wakes her up from that nightmare - or if she sleeps right through his visit. He's quite the romantic, and it's very alluring.
His personality is what draws me to him so very much, as I've already forgotten the color of his hair and eyes. My memory sucks. But the way he composes himself, that formal yet coy composure is wonderful! He had his uncertainties, which is a nice touch since most Vampires are always overly-confident.
| Poyo chapter 11 . 2/20/2009
Nice chapter! I always have seen Vampires to be the old fashioned-type, since most are made in the old days. Y'know, when marriages are arranged and boys need to prove themselves to date girls.
I'm hoping Becca's Mom says yes, but she seems a bit tense with the whole situation.
| Poyo chapter 10 . 2/18/2009
Ah, so here's the truth underlined with a mystery. Not much time for what? To save his soul, the world? Or herself?
I liked this chapter, I could clearly picture them just sitting in his dark car and talking about all of this. Thanks for the reply by the way!
I can see some 'Twilight' elements - but as stated in my profile, the world doesn't revolve around Twilight. I noticed most things High School related that involve either a Werewolf or a Vampire are accused of being like Twilight. That sorta bothers me because these plots (High School supernatural romances) have been around long before Twilight ever was.
So, I'm not sure if you take offense to your story being compared to Twilight - but I think it's a well written story. I like the feel of it, and it's very captivating.
| Freaky Fred chapter 2 . 2/18/2009
I'm combining the reviews for the first and second chapters because the prologue was so short.
As for the prologue, it was the overused cliche of a dream-and a recurring one. But you pulled it off, pretty well.
The way you started off the first chapter reminded me horribly, horribly, of Twilight. Just from this chapter, I think it's going to take a lot of work /not/ to make this a ripoff of that...book.
Wouldn't they start school on the second or third, since the first of September is Labor Day?
The description of her blouse was a bit unneeded.
Becca shouldn't be too worried about geometry-it's the easiest math class ever! (But, by the way, "geometry" isn't capitalized, because it's a subject, and not a class. If that makes any sense...like, "Algebra I" would be capitalized, but just "algebra" wouldn't be)
One little bone to pick (I'm actually reading as I type this), Becca doesn't really talk like a fifteen-year-old. Not a normal one, at least.
"It was almost as if I was the new kid in town..." You said that before, near the beginning of the chapter, and it's kind of repetitive.
I love how social studies teachers (again, "history" shouldn't be capitalized) are always the coaches. But in my school, it's the math teachers. They all coach golf.
AH. Othello. One of my favoritefavoritefavorite of Shakespeare’s plays. :D
Oh, no! The way Janie’s describing Ian is also very, very Twilight-like.
Your chapters are extraordinarily long! I can’t finish right now, but I’ll be sure to finish this chapter another time.
Despite all the horrible nit-pickiness, this was really, really good. I just have a habit of pointing out all the bad things.
| Poyo chapter 9 . 2/17/2009
Well, it's about that time of the day when I just can't really stay up or concentrate. As much as I'd like to read on, I'm going to save the rest for tonight.
I've become nocturnal, lol.
Still going strongly, I'm eager to find out just what this prophecy unfolds - and just who or what the dark beast in her dreams is. And why?
This Ian and Becca fluff is just awesome! I love the romanctic element of this chapter, it's natural and realistic.