Reviews for Consequences
Poyo chapter 8 . 2/17/2009
Lmao. Sorry, it was the only thing I could think of to describe the wave of laughter that just erupted from me. The car comment is so priceless, I love it!

This is a touching chapter, and pulled at my emotions. I frowned when he saddened, and smirked when they teased. They make the perfect couple and I don't care what anyone here says. It doesn't have a Twilight feel, it's better than Twilight in my personal opinion.

Your story has class, elegance and style. Twilight was an excellent read, I won't deny it. And until stumbling upon your story (And nayima's Spook, which you might enjoy) I had a hard time reading anything else.

Nothing read quite like Twilight ever did, nothing after it was good enough - but now I've found this! Whoo-hoo! Much better.

Poyo chapter 7 . 2/17/2009
Incredible! That poem was absolutely astounding, you're are truly a gifted writer. It made so much sense to me - unlike most poems that I read, which isn't many but still...

I'm honestly so disappointed that not many other have decided to read your story! They have absolutely no idea what they're missing out on. I'm convinced you ought to try and publish it someday, if ever you were interested. It's quite a masterpiece.

I hope the lack of reviewers doesn't dampem your mood and fling for continuing this story of yours, you'll always have me to read up on it for sure! I've stayed up all night long (No, I have no responsibilities at the moment) to read and review your story. I just can't seem to look away from it at all. Not even long enough to start brainstorming of my own story.

You're doing a great job, to say the least. Excellent!
Poyo chapter 6 . 2/17/2009
I brought up pictures of Ian's and Becca's cars, and founf the buggy quite cute! I like how you're giving different characters some page-time for proper development, too.

Unlike me, I choose my favorites and beat the dead horse. It's something I should practice.
Poyo chapter 5 . 2/17/2009
Another U-turn? Maybe he was oringally heading to his home. I like his little spouts of anger, and dare I say, jealousy. He's quite protective of Becca - and yet very little has been revealed.

It's not something unheard of entirely, he's there to protect her from the darker creature, which I assume is the cause of Lisa's demise. At first I accused Ian, but figured it didn't seem at all like him. I'm not saying he's submissive (Hell no) or incapable, he just seems to have an endless supply of grace and eloquence.

He's too formal and gentle for that sort of murder, although as I said before - I know he has it somewhere in him.

I genuinely like Ian, and would like to hope that somewhere out there someone like him might exist. I mean, minus the supernatural speed and strength - although that wouldn't be so bad either.
Poyo chapter 4 . 2/17/2009

A Halloween party is just what I needed! This is fantastic! I rather like the way you described Becca's gypsy costume, and how much her sister plucked at it. It was a rather enjoyable and entertaining experience for me!

Mike had it coming, I'll tell you - and I'm fascinated with Ian. The dance was exhilarating, I could clearly picture it in my ind. Like snapshots going from one pose to the next.

Your Ian is quite attractive, and very enigmatic. It's rather charming I'd say. He's the perfect dream guy for the supernatural.

And, I can't stress how much the style of your writing (the vocabulary, the use of adjectives and dialogue) is stunning. I've only read one other story that rivals your own, but in astoundingly different flavors. So, I beg you not to change your ways of writing and to please do continue pursuing this path.

It seems to be second nature for you.
Poyo chapter 3 . 2/17/2009
The length of this chapter was a comfortable read - as I'm quite stubborn and often refuse to so much as use the restroom while reading. If I find something good, I keep at it no matter what. So, of course, I'll go use the restroom now. ;

I wasn't expecting the mysterious death of Lisa, however it plays very well with the plot you're setting up. This story just radiates with potential and I can't wait to read on! I'm also liking Becca a little, she's average - like everyone else, and isn't afraid to be honest.

Or timid. Well done!
Poyo chapter 2 . 2/17/2009
Well, for what it's worth the parentheses (Lol, ha I'm not sure if that's how to spell it either) didn't seem to bother me one bit. They were used for short, crisp remarks that might otherwise look misplaced in regular dialogue.

I'm sure you hear this all the time, but the vast vocabulary you use in your writing is absolutely stunning. It reminds me of some of the old days - when quality, not quantity, was important to people.

I'm not feeling much of a Twilight feel, as many readers and writers tend to try and evade. Sure, Becca is your average girl who meets the new guy, this incredibly good-looking kid. But doesn't that happen in most high school based stories? Especially on . There's nothing wrong with it, in fact I prefer these types.

I'm really liking what I've read, and will be reading more soon. Thanks for the welcome read!
Poyo chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
Well, I read over the review before I opened your story - it's something I usually do, but often regret since I happen upon a few spoliers.

Luckily, I didn't read any for yours. I'm quite impressed with your Prologue, the way you use your adjectives is very elegant. It's just the right amount, any more and it was absolutely lose the feel of the tale and the situation at hand. So, I like it! Bravo!

The dream, or nightmare in this case, is alluring. I like how ominous it feels despite the charming, warm sky. It's rather creepy - and what's this? Some sort of creature at her heels? Very interesting.
invisible black sheep chapter 5 . 2/10/2009
Awesome story. I just started an account because my friend suggested it and I love it. :) Can't wait for more!
Lazuli Snow chapter 12 . 1/31/2009
Okay, so I finally got my computer to load the review box. Lol.

Okay, first off, I have been wanting to review this since chapter eight (That's where you were at when I first started reading.) You are obviously a Twilight fan. You have the Twilight style. But its cool how you twist it just a bit to make it yours, I love it!

The first thing I do when I get on my computer is go straight to my e-mail. Just to see if you posted another chapter. I used to never do that before. This is amazing!

Your style and vocabulary is well up there, making everything flow smoothly. When you announced that Ian was a vampire, it was a bit early, but I didn't notice until I actually looked at the chapter number! It just fit perfectly!

Keep it up!
how-do-i-feel-this-good-sober chapter 12 . 1/30/2009
::sits in chair, arms crossed over chest and pouts:: Why does she get to have Ian and I can't? It's not fair! ::Takes in breath and snaps out of hissy fit:: Okay, loved the chapter, could've been longer but! I got my fix! Thanks for my review by the way. You're my first one, so you're my favorite one! lol you kinda inspired me to go a different way and i hope you're satisfied! i think you'll like it lol and i hope you love it! lol keep it up and i can't wait for the next stop reading and go write! lol
how-do-i-feel-this-good-sober chapter 11 . 1/29/2009
I just to say that i am head over heels in love wtih Ian. Seriously, can u ship him to my house? Okay, in all reality, i love your story. Becca is young but it an old soul and i love how you're writing it as such. i love it how you made her grow so suddenly in the book. in the beginning, she was this kinda outcast, and she still is somewhat, but as soon as she fell for Ian, she began to change, and , i think, become her true , i will be honest, in the beginning, there were some slow parts, but what can you expect? you really can't jump right into the action, right?(Lol) you've gotta keep them wanting more! I'm loving this story and please update as soon as possible. I read all 11 chapters in one night,in a few hours, and i swear if there were 60 more, i'd make a pot of coffee and read the rest. I'm iching for another chapter, please scratch! (lol)anyways, like i said, keep up the great, scratch great, add amazing work! hope to read more soon. Now, quit reading and post more!(lol)
Alice B. Black chapter 2 . 1/15/2009
I like the prologue a lot, and then I got to the first paragraph of chapter one, looked at your pen name, and got the sinking feeling in my gut. A Twilight want to be. I will give you the chance of doubt, perhaps you've never heard of Twilight. It's a good book, don't get me wrong, but its started a craze and most people want their story to be Twilight.

Now I write reviews as I read, and the first thing I'm seeing is a lot of things in parenthesis, which I have no idea how to spell (if only this had spell check). See, mine work because they're in a personal review, but yours will not work in a story. It's distracting, and not needed. You are writing from this girl's point of view, we're already in her head, there is no need for them.

I'm also not sure if you're suppose to have mom in caps. Microsoft Word would tell me if it was open, but if you want to go with the "mom" in caps, I'd make sure all your "mom"s are in caps.

Is senior really caps? Senior, I don't think it is, but hey, I'm only reading it at the moment. And "Hee Hee Hee"? Seems like text message talk in my opinion, may want to cut that out. Using italic words is a good way to make some points more powerful, I like how you did that. The narrator also has good inner monologue that you express through writing.

The writing does match the girl's age, which I assume matches your own. I think your writing is pretty good, and it will only get better the more you write. I do notice that some short sentences would be perfect if you mashed them together with a comma. I mean a period and comma are basically doing the same thing, but that's just what you do I suppose.

This was a good story, I'm glad it didn't turn out to be Twilight with a spin. It was a bit long, I won't be looking at the rest of the chapters now. I think you had good dialogue, that was very strong. Your description is good, and to be honest, I skimmed some of the long paragraphs, it's getting late and now I need something that will hold my attention else I will be wandering in thoughts. But that may be something to consider, the prologue was captivating, the first chapter didn't follow through like I was hoping.

Overall, you have the great beginnings to a good story. I think that as long as you keep writing you will get better. It feels like I only had bad things to say, but that happens when I'm making comments as I read and do the praise at the end. The bad things shouldn't out-weigh the good, because they don't.

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