Reviews for Chiaroscuro draft
Tetsuya9 chapter 3 . 1/6/2014
Wow. I really want to just slap Alan. All he can think about is how something effects his relationship potential with Keyd. Understandable, but quite annoying. I can't not love the characters though.
Guest chapter 10 . 11/16/2013
I love your story and writing so much. You've managed to to have realistic personalities in a not so realistic situation. I Love Keyd and Alan

...but it seems like after they had sex, they turned into mush. I feel like they made decisions not so thought out because they were too blinded by love. Idk. I Mean, i felt like keyd wasn't keyd and Alan wasn't alan.
estarianne chapter 10 . 8/30/2013
This was pretty good, but the politics of the ending didn't feel right. Why would people and soldiers support an unpopular previous power over a popular current power? Because that is the only way these things could happen, with massive support (which you may have imagined, but didn't explain).

There is a pretty long history of what happens when government powers reach stalemate. From negotiation to civil war, it always starts with gathering allies. Maybe you meant that bit for the next book, which I haven't started, but the whole "you can never come back" thing seemed to imply that the new council had usurped power completely and without challenge, which doesn't seem likely does it?
Chrysler chapter 10 . 8/8/2013
So just finished re-reading this again! Woot! What a roller coaster ride...complex everything! Very well thought out and well written story that i'm still madly in love with. Anyway, glad that all the little details are coming back to me like what they can do with their magic, the sword in his face, all the second major characters and minor ones, etc. (I vaguely remembered Kir and Darban, remembered their wedding and kir taking him to the clarbach (sp?) world or something like that in part 3? But that's about it. Love those guys and Hahd too.) The 2nd installment really puts into perspective just how much Keyd loosing his oen in the 4th installment truly means. Yes, he can continue to rule because he won't need to fight, but when the Worthies and maybe some of the people can be so intolerant as we've seen here, it really shows just how much of a fight he needs to gear up for. And lord knows he's fought enough. It's also nice to see the early stages of their relationship. I started reading the end of tenebrism (sp?) and I will continue to, but I just love beginning in the midst of the actual relationship because its so foreign to think they hadn't always been together at this point-and so weird that it's only been a year? Feels like a lifetime. Also love seeing how far they've come-in understanding each other, expressing themselves more, and so on. Anyway, enjoyed my re-read. Continuing on.
Guest chapter 5 . 5/3/2013
It was nice to read intimacy between the guys, since I totally missed out on that portion due to book 1 only going up to ch 6 now. Hope to catch up on all the spaces once I get to read your re-write of it. Meanwhile, this is such a good story!
enblackink chapter 10 . 4/5/2012
you don't really need me to tell you that - rough draft or not - this is a really addictive series . . . but i will. am not a fan of first person narrative, but Alan's snarky storytelling is really fun and engaging to read. you took down book I, so i couldn't say anything on it, but the prologue has explained enough without going overboard to still get into this story despite that. and just from the beginning of book I (the two chapters posted), i got the sense that Law is the kind of person who teases the person he likes in the most immature, kindergarten way (though i'm probably wrong).

i like the contrast between Keyd's 'business self' which is assured and commanding and his 'personal self' which is just - not. i really like that Rysa is the strong silent, smart, though interaction-functional type. and pretty much all the characters are awesome. and that the emotional scenes are not overly gushy in that obnoxious way some authors do slash is a plus. but anyway. rambling. on to the next one. just wanted to leave something at this juncture to say that i appreciate you writing this, and sharing it, and its really worth the time and effort you put in.
Dreams-of-Fairies chapter 10 . 3/28/2012
One word:

Dreams-of-Fairies chapter 3 . 3/28/2012
oh jealousy

such a fast growing flower
Mangatake chapter 1 . 6/12/2011
Intense ending. I was half expecting Alan to save the day by absorbing the symbiots out of Keyd's father. Liked where this book was going but to be honest it was too heavy on Alan's own thoughts and internal dialogue, which I really think should be toned down. I would skip several paragraphs in a row and not miss any of the plot because the whole angst thing was so over done. Looking forward to reading the third book, which I hope is less self inspection and more action :)
SasuNaru2themax chapter 10 . 6/6/2011
DANM! I thought you were going to have Alen remove one the Oen since he managed to remove a wing and absorb it into his own body so...damn, he actually...awww. :xxx
i-wish-i-had-wings chapter 6 . 4/24/2011
lol, i had a feeling the dad wanted that to happen xD god, i've been reading this and the story before all evening and's 3:20 now p. i have to say i really really wanted alan to break up with him and get together with law *-* (i tend to always want that when i'm reading romance stories, i even wanted harry potter to die .) but now i'm glad they're back together, they're just too cute not to ) anyway, off to bed and i'm reading more of this later today xD
lost in pale blue chapter 3 . 2/3/2011
Oh, I just want to hug Alan and tell him it'll be okay. Not sure what's going on between Keyd and Ociir, but Alan's reaction is making *me* all emo ;)
pradlee chapter 7 . 1/5/2011
are we going to get translations of all the Isji conversations? Or are those just going to be explained in the part written from Keyd's POV?

Anyway, thanks for writing this story. You've managed to create a complicated, yet interesting, universe without infodumping or losing sight of the plot/main characters' dilemma.
Zera18 chapter 5 . 10/6/2010
aw i wanted juicy details
theStarfly chapter 7 . 8/29/2010
Something I find entertaining is to pronounce Arisanya's name as Arisa-nya and say it in a really uppity almost Japanese fangirl tone. It makes me giggle.

Just thought I should drop a line to tell you how much I've been enjoying this story and its uniqueness. Your character development is lovely. :)
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