|Reviews for Don't Touch the Fangs|
| Ray-Anne chapter 7 . 5/26/2009
This took a very shocking and different twist. Very sudden however.
| Mister Black chapter 2 . 1/23/2009
Rugby for Dummies, huh? Good book, except there was way too much mention of Canada for my tastes...
I do have an issue with this story. The first chapter (considering how short it is, I take it that it's the prologue?) Set a pretty reasonable pace, we went from walking home to being a prisoner of a vampire in a relatively good space of time. but, the econd chapter just flies from an exposition standpoint. Characters are coming in, getting introduced, and their backstories are getting explained within a few sentences. I feel it's going too fast, and it's killing my buzz. I'm not saying you should rewrite, but you might want to consider slowing the pace a bit and bringing the reader in more gradually.
Hey, I know it's the Supernatural section of FP, but still, not everyone who reads is going to know the drill.
I'm actually wearing a replica USA Eagles jersey right now,
| Ray-Anne chapter 2 . 1/23/2009
This sounds truly amazing. It's a bit overly sarcastic for what you'd expect, but that does make it a more appealing read. A lot of new innovations in this so far.
Keep it up
| Princess Dargon chapter 1 . 1/23/2009
Very good and very interested beginning. I did find a few plot holes though...
If the blood is 'shining against her alibaster skin'...then why is she wearing shoes? It sounds like she is naked they way you describe her... Maybe specify that she is wearing clothes... or instead of having her wear shoes make her have her toes painted a nifty color that would catch his attention and throw him off balance,
Second, you say "he felt her violet eyes burning" yet a little while later you say her eyes are blood red... I'm sorry but pick one.
Other than that, the first chapter is very interesting. This creature seems to have a wicked sense of humor and I want to know more about her. I also like how you come right out and tell us about Bryan and his lot in life.