|Reviews for James & Camille|
| tennislove11 chapter 8 . 3/25/2009
please make longer chapters. I really like your story.
| tennislove11 chapter 7 . 3/15/2009
| XJazz-HandsX chapter 6 . 1/21/2009
Ooh! What changed?
| Tina chapter 1 . 1/19/2009
wow, i really like this story.
i often get bored with long stories that go on an on, but this is just the interesting bits i guess which makes it better. i like the way youve jumbled up the timeline a bit.
the sentences are really stoppy starty but that kind of gives it an exciting feel, though it makes it more difficult to read.
i don't like the kiddy bits as much, i want more of their teenage years!
but it is all really good .
| Decoris Verbum chapter 4 . 1/18/2009
Sponsored by the Review Marathon, link in my profile. Check it out.
When I was talking about the grammar, I meant capitalization and maybe a few misplaced commas/periods. Nothing huge. This chapter was good. If there was one thing I could pick on, it would be length. Right now the reader is really looking for details, and we only get a small snippet of conversation. You said they had been talking on the phone for a while - you could show some of that. I think it needs to be done to show how their relationship is now compared to when they were "enemies" earlier. I liked how you just slipped in the fact that they were going to Paris through dialogue, and not just told it, because that is a skill you will use in future writing: showing vs. telling. Keep it up! Awesome work.
| Decoris Verbum chapter 3 . 1/18/2009
Hm. It's really interesting how you keep skipping backwards in time, because it's more original than most stories here. But this chapter - I don't know. While it wasn't cliche, it didn't seem to carry much meaning. There should be some kind of quote that carries over to the future, maybe. Just a thought. Nice work thus far. Onto chapter four!
| Decoris Verbum chapter 2 . 1/18/2009
I loved the last line of the chapter because it conveyed so much about the story to the reader. Again, work on the grammar. I also liked the politics of elementary school: if you can conjure up enough kids to become a gang, once you're in, you're in. It really makes it fun to read.
| Decoris Verbum chapter 1 . 1/18/2009
Sponsored by Review Marathon, link in profile.
Hm. I like the concept of the little girl expecting a valentine, because it is really original and I can see it growing into something more. One thing you could work on would be grammar, because if it's not nearly perfect, then readers are going to be tripped up by it. Write out the number "nine" and check some capitalization and you'll be fine :-).
| XJazz-HandsX chapter 2 . 1/17/2009
Loving this idea. You must keep writing!
| Amber Cramer chapter 2 . 1/16/2009
This is something else. I've never seen a romance fic with kids as the main characters, unless they grow up in the second chapter.
| holly is fainting chapter 2 . 1/16/2009
This is a unique and intriguing idea, them being kids. Interested in seeing more.