Candid and sweet, it's a really nice combination

Okay, first of all, you totally aren't getting enough reviews and credit for this story, because it's absolutely amazing. I've kept trying to remind myself that I need to review to tell you how wonderful your writing is and how much I enjoy seeing this update in my email. But I happen to be quite forgetful. But that's beside the point.

The point is that I love your magnificent story, the enthralling characters, the thickening plot, and everything else coupled with an equally thrilling descriptive word. Seriously.

But I do have a question. I have a bad habit of never noticing chapter titles unless they are big and bold right in front of my face. So the other day - I can't exactly remember when, due to my bad memory - I was reading this and I surprisingly snuck a glance at the chapter title. And I realized that the year is 2001. AND it is just so coincidential that I happen to be doing a report on September 11th in my English class, so the year seemed somewhat significant to me. I can't help but wonder if that will play a major role in the story given that they are working at the Pentagon, if I'm not so mistaken.

So, anyways, just wanted to point that out and throw in my two cents.

-laura-

P.S.: If I didn't make myself quite clear, I love the story. :)

I have to say this is a very interesting read. I was flipping through the romance section, bored out of my mind and then I came across this. I'm glad I took the time to read it, as you have quite an interesting set of characters, for even a beginning chapter. You have longer chapters, too, which is hard to find in lit posted on this site.

I really like Georgiana, even from the start of the chapter. She has a lovable attitude, lol. the Cuisinart thing cracked me up. That and I'm amused at how suspicious Trever seems to be of his in-laws.

You've got an excellent first chapter here. I really don't understand why you haven't gotten more reviews. I plan on readin more and I have the time!

The first six chapters were quite enjoyable. I like the pacing of this work- it's slower than NaCl and has more continuity. I think it's because you allow us to see Trevor and Georgiana together for longer periods of time. NaCl has more of a snapshot quality, where we get moments and snippets of their long friendship, while here we are treated to a whole day or weekend.

You have a talent for encapsulating the essence of a friendship, love, whatever relationship, in these small segments, then allowing those segments to build and connect into a larger story arc. I very much hope this will be a long piece- the summary gives me reason for such hope.

I like Shepard. (Inane comment, but true.)

Some criticisms/suggestions/questions-

The summary and the title indicate that is primarily a love story, and as such will focus on Trevor and Georgiana. In general, your pieces seem to focus on two people and their relationship with each other. I think, however, that it would be interesting if you went into more depth about some of the other relationships. You've set up here the possibility of looking to sibling relations (the simple, mutually positive relationship between the brothers versus the complicated relationship between the sisters), parental (lack of parents on part of the sisters, aging mother of the brothers), and in laws (perhaps even juxtaposing Tom & Carolyn with Trevor & Georgiana).

I'm intrigued by Trevor's character- he seems different from Nate. Georgiana, however, reminds me too much of Joss. You seem to like her type of character (Aeryn also reminds me of Joss, come to think of it). Her humor, her inability to cook, the way she speaks, her general disregard for danger, her confidence and attitude ... she and Joss even have the same background in forensics. Having an established character is fine, but it kind of takes the fun out of reading if we already know most of her quirks.

Anyway, please keep writing!

Good first chapter. I want to go back and reread it so that I can give you some more valuable feedback, but I'm hooked and want to read more.

Does this mean you're putting Joss and Nate on hold?

I like this a lot! I didn't have time to get very far, but i'm already hooked. I can't wait to keep reading :)