Reviews for Aviating Naturalization
mizu no kokoro chapter 1 . 3/1/2009
hmm

there doesn't seem to be a consistent rhyme in this, so it kinda throws off the continuity at parts. but i noticed you're trying out a new style, good use of word arrangement and emphasis )

ps. long time no read/review/talk p
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 2/24/2009
In the second line the word pitch seemed like and odd choice and I felt like the third and fourth line could use a comma. That said, I like the beginning. It definitely draws the reader in and the word choices are great.

In the end there should be a comma between fears and alright. Also I didn't really like the capitalizing and bolding. It was a bit overkill in my opinion.

I really like the piece. Your descriptions are interesting and really unique idea. The ending also makes it very clear what the piece is about and it's really relateable. The only thing is some of the rhymers (like ignited and highlighted) sounded forced and since there wasn't really a rhyme scheme I might work on ones like that. Still, all in all a really great piece.
Unique1952 chapter 1 . 2/1/2009
The emotion in this piece as well as the imager you used make this a very good poem. I could really feel the emotions you placed into your writing as I read this which made me like it even more.

when words can't explain

the tears of a man

or the hues of a tree

the movement of clouds

the colors of ink

the grip of this pen

the gravity persisting

this transition insisting

that i stay fixating

at what is seen from ground

level

I especially liked that part. Again, nice work with this piece.