Reviews for Michael and the Black Eyed Kids
Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 3 . 7/25/2010
The irony of the main character's name, the fact two kids are in his car...It's a good parallel to make.

- kudos on a good chapter
Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 2 . 7/25/2010
That is a really powerful scene, with the custom's agent. Great job writing the gore. You're good at showing and not telling.

However, you introduce too many characters in each chapter. You should consider naming only a few of the black-eyed kids and keeping the story going with them. It gets confusing to have so many names in one chapter.

- Kudos on a good chapter
Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 1 . 7/25/2010
This is a good original plot. The black-eyed children are intriguing, since they seem to be the catalyst that will get Micheal respect and honor.

However, you have switched tense several times. It is confusing and you have several places where words should be plural but are in the singular.

- Kudos on a good first chapter
Raingypsy chapter 1 . 8/6/2009
This seems really interesting. A few grammatical errors but otherwise good.

Look foward to reading more.
Scarab-Beetle chapter 2 . 2/16/2009
I like the way you portray the children as a sort of syndicate, an idea which pushes itself out of the simple base. I also enjoy the bits of humour here and there; it opens something up about Michael and helps the reader get comfy. And yes, you have complete approval to write this, though it really isn't an original idea of mine.

I look forward to the rest of the story.