djtt, I can't actually reply to you, so i just got to hope you check this.

I'll be reposting this story on a more secure site (Wattpad) if you want to look it up there look up either my name Mr_Aek or the story name (new one) Darth

what u did is sooo cruel. ur story rocks And then u jst cut out the other chapters. WHY! that is jst so cold. please please continue the story. u cnt see bt im actually on my knees begging u. PLEASE.

Ernest, im not sure if your going to check this, but its really hard to get in contact with a person who doesn't have an account otherwise.

odds are (which are pretty high) when the book hits the market (and it will, eventually) it will be sold online, and hopefully the books online will be available in other countries (it would mostly likely be on sites like amazon...)

btw, your like the 4th person to ask for updated chapters in the last week... you guys win, going to post them now :)

Just finish reading fist 3 chapters.

I think this is awesome, Ill definetly buy the book as soon as it hit stores (in my contry I hope)

thought, love to read more details and longer chapters.

Im still not sure if she is still sad or just dont care what happend.. (I shot my self and survive.. ill freak out! or atleast, get on an existencial crisis right away)...

Please, god! let this story be sold on my country _

wow! this is really good so far! i can't wait to read the rest. it's very interesting and so incredibly well written!

So is this book going to get published? Cuz I was reading the beginning and I loved it but then I ce up to chapter 4 and I realized I wasn't going to b reading a 78 chapter story which made me sad...

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A vampire that's not a vampire - I'm intrigued, although it sounds a bit like a set up for a joke.

Liked that the opening dropped us straight in, but after her soft face I'm not sure you need to tell us it's her self-pity. Since she's crying it's kind of a given and a bit unnecessary. (is that spelt, right? ho hum.)

.38 calibre because you've been dumped? get over it, girl. The everything felt wrong implied more though and I think there's scope to expand on that and share some more of her emotions or thought process if she's going to shoot herself. You need to make us care for her quickly, within the first paragraph, - irregardless of whether or not she's going to make it to chapter 2. Loving the banality of the TV in the background though and the indication that the real world is still chugging along out side her misery bubble.

Her straight black hair - is it lank? greasy? how does it reflect her emotional state.

He should die - oh, nice. That's one way of getting over it. How'd she get hold of the gun anyway? And dared seems odd. Why does she dare to call him? It doesn't seem to fit with how she feels. Maybe - she was forced to call him?

The change in perspective is quick and a bit confusing.

As there's some doubt of what God thinks you might want to make the move to her parents downstairs more distinct before the shot reverbberates throuogh the house. Finish with the crack and then have the tension build up by having them focus on the game show for a bit first. Does that make sense?

Her dad's reaction is nice - it was meant to kill someone else - intriguing. And I like that he isn't has harsh and callous as the girl seemed to think he was.

And she's still alive - nice, and creepy. The girl has just shot herself in the head though sio there's room to tell us more about the gore. Is it clotting, is it leaking in to her eyes?

Liked the tension with her pulse stopping for ten seconds and then a single beat again. Nicely handled.

Woah...freaky. This makes me want to read on. You have a good thing going here but congrats on the publishing contact! Hope everything works out in the future for you. This provided me with a pretty good amount of entertainment though. You have good dialogue and control with what was going on...but I doubt the nurse would have let Lily go to the bathroom right off the bat. I'm sure some police and government officials would be around the area too. Gunshout wounds healing are causes for mass panic...but oh well. The copyright segment at the end was funny. I liked the throwaway joke about the sextuplets last chapter too.

The rapid pace keeps things going but I think you can afford to slow down a bit. The fluctuation of the temperature certainly has my attention...this is getting stranger as it goes on.

Referencing what I said about slowing down a bit, perhaps you could have shown what her parents were thinking through all of this. Experiencing this has to give a serious case of trauma so I was just kind of wondering...of course this is the supernatural so maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

Good pattern so far though.

Pretty intense and gripping on the most part. Too bad you don't want to post the rest of the story because this whole vampire war thing sounds interesting. I take it that this part was just to set things up and more will be revealed as it goes on.

Good job with characterization so far. I'll need to see more.

I just started reading this as well, what you do have so far as I can read is awesome I'm hooked. So when does your book come out?

O.o whats up with Sin...he's bipolar. XP

very nice: good suspense leaving the readers unsure as to what is going on; or rather how this could possibly be solved.

WOW.. very tactical! I like it