Hello again! What can I say, I dig you and figured I'd just read everything you have. Don't think I'm creepy okay?

Anyway, interesting writing exercise, It was hilariously immodest of you as an author on an internet story community to have considered this "basic"; you were clearly aware of your talent, I see. Personally, it was easier for me to read through this as a satire of YA writing, especially after the cliche intro, "Sugar or spice? Naughty or nice? That's for you to decide". That actually made me laugh, so kudos.

I found the entire chapter to be a Mary Sue in the best way, and the main characters themselves seem like self-aware Marys, which is a great angle to work from, as long as it's kept subtle. I'm interested to see if you managed to keep the same tempo of this throughout the other chapters.

In the final proper paragraph, there is an error, I think: "He had been with her when he got her first tattoo (and her second, and third)..." at 'when he got her first tattoo', should it be 'she', not 'he'? Or did Cooper pay for it?

Besides that, it's pretty entertaining. I'm happy to see even your stuff from '09 exhibits quite a bit of effort and enthusiasm for writing.

8/10

Interesting first chapter...you've got me reading.

You really did a good job of jumping right into each charecter's head. Each charecter was unique, and had a discernable voice, althugh they did tend to be very archetypical. Still, you set up some interesting conflict right off the bat, pretty good opening chapter.