Reviews for The Slave of Heaven Book One
bladedbowyer chapter 3 . 4/25/2009
Okay, the story, the concept of the settings and characters, briliant, absolutely wonderfully thought of. Three pages of reading and I already would like to carry on and discover the twists and turns the plot will present me with (I hope). But, please, work on your grammar and occasionally your spelling. I have gotten only to the third page and I have found many mistakes.


Humans are interesting creatures with an amazing talent for creating new and "fascination" technology.- that should be "fascinating"

as they easily brushed through the city’s "Boarder" Control check-point. - im pretty sure that should be "Border" as in the boundary between countries?

Now admittedly that is only two I have documented, but there are others and I do not have the time to list them. Perhaps the cause of this is that you were a less accomplished writer at the time, and that as I go on I will see better writing, but it still shouldnt be left. Another potential is that my english being from britian and yours being from america that there are likely discrepancies, but still.

It appears you hope to have this story published? I am not in the business myself, but I can tell that this is possibly going to need more work and much proof reading for grammar. I am nought but a child offering criticism that is aimed to highlight things you can ammend.

Okay, I have made my point, if you read this far, thank you for actually paying attention to what I've said ]
lulubee chapter 44 . 4/20/2009
Dude. This story rocks. I LOVE IT! Please, I know you're busy, but if you could update I would love it. It is truly the best story I've read so far.
idream chapter 44 . 4/20/2009
You know, when I came across this story, I was kinda skeptical about it - I always am, since most Fp stories seem to bore me to death now - but I was seriously impressed with this story.

I haven't been this captivated in a book since I read Harry Potter, Twilight, or City of Bones. Seriously. For real. And quite honestly, you deserve to have this story published. It's original - The vampire love story? Got it. But with that little twist.

I actually read this about a week ago, and I keep coming back to reread parts. I wish you the best of luck with this story, and if you need any help with editing, you could give me a shout. I'd be absolutely honored. :)

Anyways, keep on writing, and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Kielke chapter 44 . 4/16/2009
i love the story so far. its very descriptive and i love the plot

cant wait for more ]
A Written Way chapter 44 . 4/15/2009
i LOVE ur story. allow to give an example:

i read the old version when it was up and i was going back to reread a few parts two days ago and i realized i had totally missed the note where u said u were basically starting over. i did nothing BUT read it for all that night and the next day. It's SUCH a good story.

all i gotta say is stuff you've probably already heard, the angela issue, and a number of grammatical errors or mispelled stuff but it's still really good. I like the addition of Asilynn (can't spell myself).

so that's my novel-like review, i love ur story ($%&# to the word count, "let the words flow!") and... yeah, i prolly don't have'ta say this but: UPDATE SOON! [por favor]
Annabel Wynters chapter 44 . 4/10/2009
DAHH! I loved it, more so than your other chapters! As I've read your progression of the story, even the rewrite, Its gotten stronger and very interesting to read! I loved how you closed this chapter and I can't wait to see Lucian see her dead! :( poor pup!
Lily chapter 44 . 4/10/2009
omg. another brilliant chapter. Good luck with your real life (ie school and the thesis and everything)...because when you finish all that... YOU CAN WRITE... then heaps of people around the world will be ecstatic! (Including me)

lol. Love your story...

tykere chapter 44 . 4/9/2009
awesome story,i want to see them togther {lucian and lilly}
Jacey Thunder chapter 44 . 4/8/2009
I have to tell you... I read the original version of this story and was totally in love. When I found out you were doing a rewrite I was wicked upset. And it took me up till this week to even give it a shot. And guess what... I love this story even more.

You did an amazing job figuring out what to take out and what to elaborate on. I also adore the new characters, they're amazing. Oh and everything just seems to flow so much more.

And I love that Lucien IS a REAL vampire. (I'm prob gonna piss off some twilight fans) but HE DOESN'T SPARKLE. And he's kinda scary in a sexy sort of way. LOL. Love it.

Dude... I'm so addicted to this story. Seriously when I read the last chapter I was like "oh what are my days going to be about"...

I'm excited for your new stuff. And I can't wait.

I officially am a fan of yours for life...and I can't wait til you get published. I'm gonna back you up 100%.
Holy Catty chapter 44 . 4/6/2009
IT'S SO EXCITING! i liked how u described the fight it was exhillarting! It's finally near spring break! I really like this story!
HelgaBertoni chapter 44 . 4/6/2009
Loved it, update as soon as you can!
Alice Leigh chapter 44 . 4/6/2009
dead good love, update soon please. x
PBArcadia chapter 44 . 4/6/2009
I got teary eyed! I actually started sobbing as I read Lillith's dejected thoughts as she dies. Phenomenal piece of work!
readaholicxxx chapter 44 . 4/6/2009
oh my goodness

the suspense is killing me!

i really like this chapter because lillith killed the 'hound' even though she's kindof not realised her full strength yet lol

arghh plz update soon
xhoneyinheavenx chapter 44 . 4/5/2009
Another amazing chapter from the best author EVER! You know that you are killing me saying you already have the next couple of chapters ready! I am itching to rtead them!AH!

Love you,

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