Reviews for The Slave of Heaven Book One
MZ PEACHESZZ chapter 1 . 2/3/2009
Where are you? I look forward to your chapters because it means I'm THAT much closer to Lucien and really new chapters...sigh...where are you? Don't give up- this is one of the best stories on this site!
That One Dork Stacey chapter 18 . 2/2/2009
Uh..hopefully I'm right but this seems different than the first run-in with Lily and a dude she liked .. Not that that's a bad thing. I like this one better :D and also...

Sorin's sucha perrv! :[ Poor Lily :'[

Lol and to think, "Soren" was one of my favorite guy names ever.. I was planning on naming my kid [ granted that I have a boy when I'm all old (I'm only 17 now)] Soren. I may have to rethink that ROFL :P
That One Dork Stacey chapter 19 . 2/2/2009
I don't even have an account on here! . But I do have an email :D

well.. two..



:D see? HAH! now you can message me back :]

woot woot
Dhalian chapter 24 . 2/1/2009
As someone who read the entirety of the original and is not caught up with the re-write I can definitely say that I like the re-write much better! The way you are developing Lily's transformation into a Spirit Wolf flows much better, and is more conducive to the plot an believable in this version of the story.

However, I do think that some of the things you have included could be changed. For example, why would you include Sorin in this story, when he is pretty much a different version of Sameer who you edited out from the original? If this plot isn't going anywhere I don't see the use in including it. Also, it completely conflicts with the fact that Alec is Sorin's captain and did promise to kill any man who touched her (totally living his enhanced character).

Also, about the vampire teacher, could he be a one time only guest professor? At this point from what I have read of the direction of the plot from the original I can say that more of the history that you developed could be revealed by the spirits or Lucien himself. I don't think it's too necessary to include a too developed history especially if you want to keep the word count down. If you intend to get it published you could always include the history as an appendix.

I'm interested to see how you will lead into the Harvest Moon escapade since Helena is sick now instead of Joel, will she live long enough to lead Lily to Lucien? The Harvest Moon chunk of chapters is definitely an area where you could trim down on your word count while still keeps it essence *cough Lucien's fight with the old vampire cough*.

You definitely have a talent for writing and I'm looking forward to reading more, even if I know what going to generally happen!
I. N. Philips chapter 23 . 1/31/2009
I love the chapters about the vampiric history! An dthey are so much better now

Cannot wait till you start writing new chapters!

smrae chapter 21 . 1/31/2009
aw sad chapter but I think it was needed. I can't wait when she leaves everyone in the dust, and she becomes all great.
Holly chapter 20 . 1/30/2009
I just wanted to tell you that even though you are kinda stand-offish about the rewrite I love it! I read the original version, immediatly falling in love wih your creation. Some parts were confusing but I pressed on wanting to see how the story uravelled. In your re-write you cleared any confusion I had leaving me with nothing less than satisfaction. This story is worthy to be in a hall of fame and I hope that you might be able to find yor muse and find passion for the story once again. Great work. You deserve best plot whole heartedly.
MZ PEACHESZZ chapter 20 . 1/30/2009
I'm liking the re-write- I loved the original so it's kind of likke reading that over with some changes here and there. The only thing that sucks is that before there were tons of chapters already and now I have to wait for you to crank them out and I miss Lucien. He is so sparse that it sucks waiting for him. But Im looking forward to more chapters! Keep writing and you are just so incredibly talented!
bela13 chapter 20 . 1/30/2009
i'll admit i like the rewrite so far...well exsept this chapter. i had almost forgoten about the vamp 'king' insted your other story had taken on a different aspect like a romeo and juliet type story. and please someone smack her fauther...please? can't wait for more
notquitewitty chapter 20 . 1/30/2009
I'm not really sure if I like the re-write more yet or not. I definitely like how the relationships with characters have been shifted and emphasized. I'm noticing an incestuous tone to Alec way more than I did before. I'm really hoping I'm not just imagining that. The whole "wolf" part is also much more apparent. I can't really say if these changes are very much better because I don't know the plot, but I'm enjoying reading the story in this different way. I think it's totally normal to hate your beginning. Maybe you just have to have your whole story done before you can get the beginning to where you want it...but everything still seems awesome to me. Oh, and I think it's good how you've cut out some of the extra parts and characters and added other parts. The story never dragged, but it runs a little smoother now. Anyways, great job. I can't wait for the next update!
smrae chapter 20 . 1/29/2009
I really like this new version I went back and read some of the original, and this one is my favorite! Can't wait for the update!
I. N. Wexham chapter 16 . 1/29/2009
I can see why you have re written it but, PLEASE POST MORE!
Strawberriesandcream chapter 5 . 1/28/2009
Okay, so, yes, I am liking it so far. I like Abe. I like the friends more for some reason. I like the ward thing, I thought it was great that it just goes "Human, human, dark elf!" all day long. However, I think there is a lot that you are trying to fit into such a small amount of chapters (like you said). I'm not quite sure how you would go about toning that down, I have issues with that myself... but I feel like its a lot of backstory.

I do like the new way that she meets Lucien, but I think it was rather abrupt. Like, la la la, here I am, drinking beer, la la, HELLO VAMPIRE ROCK STAR. I just got that sort of whiplash feeling from that.

I'll have to keep reading and see what I think about the other chapters. But so far, I like it.
ValerieYoung chapter 19 . 1/28/2009
awesome story. i reli like it. update soon!

~good luck writing!
Strawberriesandcream chapter 3 . 1/27/2009
So, I the rewrite so far... but about chapter two it jumps into the meat-needing kinda fast-ish.
362 | « Prev Page 1 .. 14 21 22 23 24 25 Next »