Reviews for The Slave of Heaven Book One
SecondSunrise chapter 35 . 5/24/2011
:D :D :D Romulus, Remus and Lancelot easily made my day! They're fantastic characters, extremely hilarious and all that good stuff. :D
Angelxoxo13 chapter 49 . 4/8/2011
Umm, I can't... I stop myself from reading the story. I don't want to ruin my surprises. ;) I stop myself on the title.
Angelxoxo13 chapter 48 . 4/8/2011
You can't take down Anu! Anu's like...what that demon's of the highest level? Lucifer? Umm I thought so... Blood Hound is like Hell Hound. You can't take Anu's down! It's like Anu's the main core villain! I agree if you take it down, just in few books but not at all book. Perhaps bring him back at book 5?
Angelxoxo13 chapter 47 . 4/8/2011
End? End? I want more~ :'(
Angelxoxo13 chapter 33 . 4/7/2011
The story not even read all of the chapters, and here I eager to read other books! Gasps, the plotlines deepen. I like it!
Angelxoxo13 chapter 32 . 4/7/2011
I laughed hard when I read the part where Lilith's run, run, run, then, jump...then...SPLAT! Lol! I did feel...hold my breath. It's...the story is that great!
Angelxoxo13 chapter 26 . 4/7/2011
I'd checked your profile, in the last chapter you did mention that you already plots your stories into 6 books, but I noticed you only get to book 2 now, even that it's not complete, why is that? *curious* Anyway, I like your story/book, i.e this story that I currently read. It feel like I read a novel, not on line story. I like it.
Angelxoxo13 chapter 19 . 4/7/2011
Alec love Lily, does he? More than as a sister...incest way.
Angelxoxo13 chapter 18 . 4/7/2011
Uh oh! Alec... Sorin's pedo. That's crossed my mind when I read that part of the story. :-/
swords dragons and diet coke chapter 47 . 11/14/2010
it's hard to find a story as well-written and creative as this! and no joke, this just made my weekend! i'm looking forward to reading book 2. btw, i rlly hope that this doesn't start a nephilim-vampire war when truth is, she got SAVED by a bunch of vampires!
M chapter 8 . 9/30/2010
I'm reading through this again and I'm so excited for the next book's update.

You've left little clues throughout the book. I really want to know about Lilly's father, did her mother know his true nature? Burning questions.
Avi-I-am chapter 52 . 9/17/2010
1. I enjoyed her friendship with the Dwarf. It shows not everybody in the world is prejudice.

2. Why was she the only one who saw Lucien? It never really made since to me.

3. When Aubree is first introduced, she seemed so Pure to let Lily get caught for the Hunt. It seems like she was a kind soul, she wouldn’t let Perce do it to her. (Maybe if Lily knew magic, but cuz she didn’t it seemed like Aubree would have told her)

4. Diched a Charicter, combined his part with Helena. Nice.

5. In the old version you made it seem like Caden had a thing for Lily, now it’s more clear the his feelings are all for Helena.

6. Is the need for the gondola man really important? Yes it emphasizes the way the classes work but, really, you talk about the classes enough, it’s not needed.

7. The statue doesn’t need to be described so much. Yes it’s gorgeous, with incredible detail, but you don’t go back to it later, all the pretty words you used to talk about it fades into the darkness because it isn’t really seen again.

8. Is it sexual tension coming from Lily’s brother?

9. Why is how she named important, like the whole evil passing over thing? And the Goddess story, it’s nice, but it could be more brief.

10. In chapter 9 you wrote “you walked to talk to me” I think you ment “you wanted to talk to me”

11. In Chapter 10 you spoke of the Lucien movie, but in this version there is no movie.

12. I know Aubree is all for fun, but she doesn’t seem like the type to force some one to drink. At least not someone she cares about. (Is Aubree Bi-polar? because that would explain a lot, what maybe another personality)

13. When Lucien is fighting the other Vamps at the club in Chapter 14. He mentions how many there are without being told.

14. Chapter 15 when Lily annoyed about Luce calling her a Wolf, she claims it is the second time he calls her that when it’s more like the 3rd or 4th

15. Chapter 17 is the food really so important to describe it in such detail?

16. Chapter 17, Did Sorin Rape her? I know it was at least Heavy duty sexual harassment, but did he?

17. Oh…. Alec is Pissed :D

18. Ok Alec is acting like a JELOUS HUSBAND. Not an overprotective older brother.

19. When they were discussing the ages, now I finnaly understand why being married a 23 was so scandalous, in the older version it wasn’t properly explained, it confused me, because for humans 23 was normal age to be married, now that we know they live to be 500 it makes much more sense.

20. Her Mother’s warning about falling in love, is it just to explain that love isn’t really present in their society, and to later help the readers to sink into the fact that she might not be her father’s daughter. (Why is this never thought about when Luce was telling her she was a wolf?)

21. I wouldn’t think Lily would cuss so much, and if she did she would use lighter cuss words like darn or crud, instead of the full blown words like the F word. Remember angel living in a society where women are protected. My mamma always told me people who cuss are too stupid to think of something else to say.

22. Why is the classroom scene where the teacher doesn’t know she is a Void important?, if she’s going to remember it later then it could be mentioned on the spot briefly.

23. I love the Vamp class. It’s so light hearted and enjoyable. At first the point of it wasn’t clear, but it’s to introduce the concept of the sprit wolves right? It’s just a fun happy scene I would cling to it no matter what.

24. I very much enjoy Aislynn, she’s a breath of fresh air in the Nimphalian world.

25. Is the food fight in chapter 24 only to show how prejudice her father is towards her, and that her brother doesn’t always harbor an un-sibling like love for her?

26. In chapter 27 you said Angela instead of Helena.

27. You think Lily would pick up on the little mutterings that Aubree and Perce were doing. If not then later when Luce was trying to convince her, her friends used her as bait. Then you might not need the whole talk between Aubree and Lily, or you might at least be able to shorten it.

28. Helena being an Addict makes more sense for her being in the Night City.

29. Aw… First Non-Vamp kiss. *blush* I like Rune, he’s so nice, he’s good for Lily.

30. I’m loving your jokes, especially the ones with the Vamps, (tee hee…. Nolan… HA!) it gives the book a slightly lighter tone so it’s not so dark.

31. Chapter 33 in the beginning there is a huge repeat that confused the Heck out of me.

32. you cut the horse scene down… Pitty, I liked it.

33. Do you really need the Vamp teens?

34. I absolutely LOVE the kiss that takes 4 PARAGRAPHS to complete. (seriously :])

35. You didn’t kick the nice man in the nuts… I liked that too. Maybe you can kick Nolan in the nuts. That would be sweet. I mean you already slept with two of his sisters, making him a failure of a brother, (along with planning on the 3rd) you could take a way his manhood too. :D Excuse not enough time.

36. You don’t have to keep mentioning that curves on Nephiliam women are unattractive, we got it the first time, and it was reinforced with the diet Lily’s on. It’s kinda a waste of space.

37. Chapter 36 Wines? I thought Alcohol wasn’t allowed in the White City?

38. Chapter 37 Lily said something, then said something again when Luce was supposed to talk, it confused me. Had to read it a few more times till I realized that it was Lily talking, you might want to fix that.

39. When Lily is talking to Aubree about the Harvest moon, Aubree said Angela not Helena.

40. Chapter 41 Why do we have to talk about Lily’s hopes of being a Bard. We already knew she was musically inclined. If you’re gonna mention the bard thing. Mention it very briefly when she’s showing the humans her music. I mean this scene is nice, but it seems out of place.

41. If you ended the book at Chapter 42 it wouldn’t kill it (I wrote this before reading the rest)

42. DATE! He’s a Vamp! And after this most recent… thing… she is never going to be left alone. I bet her brother would quit his job to follow her around and keep her safe. Her father would get her, her own personal guard to make sure she is safe.

43. You would think they would know that the venom couldn’t be removed that way… (by squeezing it out through the original puncture wounds)

44. Her father is going to have her under lock and key. She’s never going to be able to get out of the White City.

45. Alec is in love with Lily.

This was extremely well written and I enjoyed ever word of it. The jokes are funny and will be for forever. I took these notes while reading the book. And I’ve only edited it a bit. When something popped into my head that’s what I wrote down. I hope it helps. And I’m sorry if it seems harsh. :) I started reading “Let Sleeping Gods Lie” And I like it too. I guess I review that when there is more to it, but so far so good. I’m thinking about the cover But I’ll do something.
Avi-I-am chapter 47 . 9/7/2010
I have yet to read this installment. But I will ASAP. I enjoyed the other version, but I believe this one will be better. I Cannot wait to read it. I will give you more feedback when I'm done. Seriously I'm gonna sit down and take notes, with both copies. I do have on suggestion though. Once you get it published(not if WHEN) Try to get you publishers to get it done for the Amazon Kindle too. It would expose your books to more people that way. And send it to more places. I hope you consider my small suggestion right now. Again I cannot wait to read 'The Slave of Heaven'

Oh do you know what you want on the cover yet? If you have an Idea I could try to put it together for you.
o0xMelzx0o chapter 47 . 6/12/2010
One word: wow!

Absolutely loved reading this story, I'm not really a fan of vamp fiction but this story was great!

I hope you get published, this is a really good story!
just someone chapter 37 . 1/27/2010
i must say that this is one of the best romance/erotic chapters i've ever read. lucien couldn't be a more compelling hero and lillith's response to him is equally compelling. i have to congratulate you on creating a sexual atmosphere that i think every woman would want to find herself in. excellent job, you have undeniable talent.
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