Reviews for Vampiric Obsession
Ghost chapter 2 . 6/6/2019
Barrier?
So women’s virgins isn’t a barrier or something that’s anything like that. The hymen is a stretchy muscle that is located about a inch or two into the entrance of the vagina. When you “loose” your virginity your actually just ripping a muscle that doesn’t always rip. Depends on his size and how stretchy her hymen is. You can also rip the the hymen via horseback riding or doing the splits.
moali pongen chapter 2 . 4/28/2017
Damn...Never read anything better. Dark and beautiful.
Imperial General of Grado chapter 1 . 10/8/2016
Nice. Vampire rapes girl he's obsessed witg
anikacenres chapter 2 . 6/26/2016
Wow! Hot stuff man!
zagato chapter 2 . 11/27/2015
Thanks for writing this.
Guest chapter 2 . 9/6/2014
super i loved it next pleasce 10 bilion/10
real deal chapter 1 . 7/1/2014
Okay, in the beginning I was reading the description of the female character and I could not help but feel like she seemed a stereotypical blonde. This insinuation that she was so pure and innocent has been redundant with most blonde leading ladies that I felt sick to my stomach that this was so cliche. Futhermore her body type was alarming. You defined her as thin but not anorexic which means that she's pretty thin. Why is this so ideal? No curvs would have been sufficient because when you are thin...curves are not there. And thus is ideal? What I am trying to say is that you have made the female lead so...unrelatable to anyone not blonde and thin tbh. It's hard to read that way...
Angia chapter 2 . 11/8/2011
i've read your story for at least three times!

i like it, how dark this vampire is!
YourCritic chapter 1 . 7/5/2011
First of all, your grammar and spelling needs some work. Run it through a spell check, or better yet get a beta reader.

First chapter: 'classics' was a descriptor is two consecutive paragraphs. Change one of them.

Some of your sentence structuring is rather awkward

e.g. "I also found out some of the more lonely secrets of hers." This does not sound right. Maybe try:

"I also found out some of her more more lonely secrets." That makes better sense, but describing a secret as 'lonely' doesn't work, so you might want to change that adjective too.

The 'sex'. You made a very weak defence of her 'compliance' at the end, which actually did nothing but trivialise what happened to her. And let me tell you that rape victims do NOT have orgasms while they are being raped. You shut off from your body, from the pain and from the horror of your free will being ripped away from you.

Aside from the ending, it was an ok stalker/horror/tragedy short story.
E Von Dahl chapter 2 . 3/19/2011
Girl, you need to work on describing sex. If you're not going to do it right, just...don't.

Also: it's a little jacked up that this whole "rape" thing ends up being no big deal. Obviously you've never met a rape victim. Pity. It's actually kind of insulting. It's actually VERY insulting.

So that's my criticism. It's not meant to be mindless bashing; I'm just telling you. Your sex vocab needs work, and you really, really should avoid topics that you don't understand the gravity of. Like rape.

Vampire or not. It's not cute.
Xzodus chapter 2 . 6/11/2010
cha you should really continue this story, it's really great and i would love to read some more.

O well i still enjoyed it.
DarkCemone chapter 2 . 2/4/2010
That vampire was a story.
AlfortJen chapter 2 . 9/28/2009
You should make a second part.
Just Silly Me chapter 2 . 9/6/2009
I think that you made me lose my innocence... but this was a good idea I guess. but you do need to fix your grammar... -JSM
shareeg chapter 2 . 7/25/2009
I feel this was very descreptive and intense, I wish there was a little more emotion. You told what happened very descreptively and I could really picture it but you didn't do the same with describing the feelings and emotion. That element would have really pulled me in further. You said a few word like scared, and fear but I mean descreptive, deeper to really draw in the reader the way you did with other details.

There were some grammar mistakes but they were mild and could be easily fixed, nothing major. Over all I enjoyed this and I feel this could be a actual full story about obssesion and control, I just would hope it didn't turn into a love story. The other way around is less typical and more thrilling. Over all great job 4 stars out of five, I really liked this and as I said would love it if there was more to it. I also wish you didn't call her vagina her sex that was a little creppy but easily ignored. Once again great job I will read more of your work because overall I like your style,
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