|Reviews for Dreams|
| Its.Not.Me.Its.You chapter 1 . 1/31/2009
hope you update soon!
| nul chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
I thought this was a one-shot, so when it ended I was like wha?
I'm confused to how old these characters are.
At the beginning I was thinking 6-9-ish.
But near the end I thought they sounded at least 13 ish. Confusing, that was the only part though.
I liked the ending of the first part.
Where you were like:
"The tide was high. The seawater cuddled my feet tightly, refusing to let me go, but I walked out of it in no more than a second."
I don't really know why, but it just was one of those phrases, the amazing ones? Yup.
Good start, looking forward to more!
And I don't think I told you this but I've been meaning too:
you bio/profile thing, what you wrote in there amazing.
Martin the Waterskier
| blurrylights chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
I laughed like crazy...I'm just really curious about how old they are. If she was making a sandcastle, she has to be younger, right? But I like the entire Freakshow/Jerkface thing. It's amusing!
| Aurora Corona chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
Hey there, this seems to be an interesting story so far. I'm guessing you're going for the love-hate cliche? If so, props to you! I love them :D
Haha, I found the ending line quite memorable... for a strange reason which I fail to decipher :P Oh wells.
I'm intrigued. Why did Jack kick the sand castle in the first place? The way you described him, he seemed so indifferent about ruining Jay's sand-castle. Perhaps it's something to do with anger issues?
The whole prologue/chapter one was a good read, but I think it could have flowed more smoothly, and less... rigid. Maybe it's my problem, but that's what I noticed. Especially in this area:
'I spent hours on this artwork, but my masterpiece was ruined. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, but I didn't want to let it out. I was seven years old, not three. I couldn't cry over a small imperfection, I just couldn't.'
Perhaps it could have been more smooth if you didn't start three consecutive sentences with I's. It could be...
'I spent hours on this artwork, but my masterpiece was ruined. Tears were building up in my eyes, but I didn't want to let it out. I was seven years old, not three. How could I cry over such a small imperfection?'
It's just a suggestion though, if you think what I said was plain crap, feel free to ignore. Just trying to help.
Overall, fantastic intro and I'm looking forward to more! :D
(sheesh, I hardly give out such long reviews :P)
curse the stars.
| ribbons-paws chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
Hahaha! Freakshow and Jerkface... those are good insults, if I may say... Anyway, can't wait to read the next chapter. It's not everyday you get to read a fic where the couple started as enemies, right?