Reviews for Another Destiny
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 9 . 9/29/2011
*reading as I review*

when you said those books weren't published yet, does it mean you plan on writing them amigo?

Love the interaction and the little things about both characters you add into the story, such as how Nicole never reads the last page first. :D

I love how all your protagonists are somewhat clueless about relationships - that makes it uber relateable to social idiots like me. XD Also, I'm glad Jesse is seeking help for his *problems* instead of internally monologuing about them.

Oh...poor Jesse. Poor Paul. He was such an awesome dude - I hope they'll make up soon. :/

"Perhaps they were indeed meant to be?"

Another reference to the title "Another Destiny"...I have this eepy creepy feeling something bad's going to happen, ever since the Jesse-Rach relationship went out of the spotlight.

Yes, you are completely mean, Dutchaver, to do that to your characters...

I have just gotta keep going on to see what happens after the cliffhanger. :O

Daphne
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 8 . 9/29/2011
Um, I just noticed that the subgenre for this is tragedy and that most of your other stories are non-tragic...I'm probably looking for needles in haystacks or something equally ridiculous but..?

I really like their re-meeting after five or so years. It's really sweet and it gives somewhat cynical people like me hope. (jokes, but you pull it off really well without being narmish.)

""This is your first love speaking!" He said in a half-happy way. He heard Rachel chuckle on the other side of the phone.

"Hi, first love! How do you do?""

This is a really sweet quote - I'm guessing they're much better as brother and sister now. Or is Rachel gong to pose some kind of obstacle towards Nic and Jesse getting together again?

I don't feel this phone conversation isn't overkill at all. Instead it ties everything up rather nicely.

Daphne
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 7 . 9/16/2011
Oh that’s a very sweet reunion and very neatly described as well!

“But, sooner or later, that would change, of course. They would trigger one another's memories once more.” Foreshadowing?

I wonder (quite tangentially) if Paul is going to be part of the story? He seems to be like the Big Guy kind of (the trope) as of yet, but I think I like the little twists you’ve put into his character – how he’s compassionate and a bit of a gossip and nudge-nudge-wink-wink a shipper I suspect.

I agree with Paul. Jesse may be over Rachel by now, but he’s not over Nicole yet. XD

Again, love your details on the characters. (e.g. Paul’s Germanic background)

Oh, so your title refers to Destiny. Another Destiny – so…um, like it’s referring to the fact that Nicole is well, Jesse’s destiny not Rachel, hence another? (this is a blind shot…though)

I have a feeling Paul knows Nicole. A neighbour perhaps, or maybe a cousin…..hmmm

We shall see…
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 6 . 9/16/2011
Short chapter, I guess, short review. Like the way you just skip a couple of years without making the overall effect too jarring. You go about describing the simple things and then well, just hint at things (like Jesse’s passing girlfriends and his endless crushes) so that, you know, we get the feeling time has passed.

All in all, I’m very interested to see whether this reunion what with Jesse and Nicole will be a positive one or a negative one….
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 5 . 9/16/2011
Nice characterisation so far. Just wanted to say that and I like Jesse a lot as a protagonist – he’s not entirely perfect and he’s quite a bit conflicted and somewhat in denial about certain things, but he’s very realistic and sympathetic as a character. (I’m hoping to see more of Nicole though, who seems to have potential to be just as awesome).

Oh, his mum sounds very nice – very caring and I’m glad you put a parental presence into the story (see trope concerning no adults in YA literature) XD

More of his length is a bit awkward. Height maybe. “Length” has the potential to sound a bit….say, off…if say someone who had a sick mind was reading this a la Innocent Innuendo. But seriously, with you being from the Netherlands and as you mentioned the Dutch being unnaturally tall, how high is average height?

And Jesse can’t stop thinking of Rachel can he? One moment she’s you-know-who and the next he’s thinking of her as Rachel….and comparing her with Rachel. But I think he’s growing to be in love with Nicole more, subtly and steadily.

“Perfect days” – that’s really a sweet and accurate description of what, you know, days are like when you’re with someone you love and how desperate to some measure Jesse is at the prospect of not ever seeing Nicole, well, again after two weeks.

Ouch. Seriously, I thought Nicole liked him too! :/

Must…keep…reading…must know what happens next…!
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 4 . 9/16/2011
Hmm, you really capture the essence of teen love. Normal teen love. (not involving scary people or twisted love or vampires…) XD

I can really imagine the first scene of this chapter in my head.

I’m getting the vibe that Jesse’s conflicted about Rachel and Nicole….am I right or am I just having unfounded suspicions.

Ok this is going to be interesting. Rachel calling Jesse.

Oh, ouch, Jesse. I can totally sympathise with how you feel, but also with how Rachel feels.

And seriously that text he sent her back, I can tell (using my acute powers of observation and comprehension, na duh) that he’s totally not over her….

This situation and Jesse’s decision to be “totally in love with...(you know who) just to get Rachel back in a way” made my love for this story go impossibly up. The tropes in it are so twisted, the story is probably nearly opposite of what I was expecting.

I didn’t like this chapter….I loved it.
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 3 . 9/16/2011
“Hi-ed” – like the word. XD

That was a twist that came so early I did not see it (and here I was thinking that it was going to be a love triangle story with, say, Rachel as the Veronica and Nicole as the Betty and Jesse realising at the end that Nic’s always been there for him even though he’s spent three quarters of the story trying to win her back!)

Kudos to you amigo, for turning my expectations on the head!
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 2 . 9/16/2011
Is this another good (non-hate/bickering) sibling relationship? They are a trademark thing with you – but I’m just going to say that this one’s slightly different in that Mandy – despite being perfectly amiable – seems to be a little distracted with her life…so she might be a periphery presence in the story? Hmmm.

“Plus, he would spend the most of the holiday behind the computer, so why wouldn't he put that time to good use in Holland?” *looks guiltily around* Very, um, realistic (and maybe relatable) snippet of info into Jesse’s life there.

Will you be relating why Rachel broke up with Jesse later?

I like his perspective on the relationship – it’s very realistic – like you know, what people say about teenage first love being like true love when you’re in it? Utterly love how Jesse’s human (i.e. admitting that he’s utterly devastated and all) – not some superhuman snark machine with witty quotes to deal with situations at hand like in some other stories I’ve read.

“…so it took some time for him to calculate one plus nine, "…ten o'clock." Hehehe :D

*Random tangent* I heard that Dutch is really similar to English. And….is Jesse’s Dutch based on what you’ve seen with real-life tourists (especially American ones – I heard they just speak English real loud and hope that people understand them XD)?

Oh, yes! Some German kid (I think he was half-Asian though I think, and pretty short) said that people in the Netherlands were unfairly tall! (Plus, love how you subvert the stereotype that all Dutch are good at English later in the chapter.)

As an aside (just a flashback when I read the word “handsome”) I really do think you’re the Jane Austen of Fictionpress, except, um, male. I mean, you’re a romance writer excelling in realistic (sweet) romances, happy endings or at least bittersweet endings, on the sliding scale of idealism and realism you’re probably the true mean and you have cute non-dysfunctional sibling friendships! Also, your prose and word usage is elegant at all times. XD
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 1 . 9/16/2011
First chapter, first things up:

Jesse is a really likeable character and I’m rather (pleasantly) surprised that you said this story was worse than your recent ones. Even though it’s in a slightly different style, I think it’s rather distinct because Jesse has a distinct voice and the chapter ends up with a shock of Rachel and Jesse’s separation. (That was unexpected.)

And the little details you sprinkled in (such as who was going on what trip, the fact that everyone thought poor Rachel couldn’t speak English and the “little things” Jesse notes about Rach – nice foreshadowing by the way.)
ShortcakeMattie chapter 19 . 7/31/2011
I applaud you with your ending. I've read other stories that have characters die and the endings feel unsatisfactory; but I think you've done well. Even though he's still grieving, the readers can Jesse trying to move on with his life. Nicole's tombstone brought tears to my eyes. Such a powerful ending. Well done.

"In fact, I feel very temped to make the next one so sugar-coated you will get spontaneous diabetes by just reading it. I'll see if I can hold back." - This made me laugh. Were you able to hold back? :)

-Mattie
ShortcakeMattie chapter 18 . 7/31/2011
Like Jesse, I knew this moment was coming. I just didn't want it to happen. But it's here now whether I want it to be or not. :(

Aw. Vera's pulling on my heartstrings! I worked at a restaurant for a summer and a few weeks after I started working, one of the regular customers passed away. I didn't know him very well; but the workers were all upset. One of the servers said one of the worst things about working in the restaurant business was growing close to people and losing them, much like a doctor in a hospital.

I'm still sad Nicole had to die. I really wanted her and Jesse to get together. But I know what it's like to have characters that were meant to die from the beginning.

When Jesse was running towards that car, I think I stopped breathing for a moment. You don't do that, Jesse!

"He was doomed to live." - A simple final sentence. But it's a powerful and haunting sentence nonetheless.

-Mattie
ShortcakeMattie chapter 17 . 7/31/2011
The cigarette scene was cute. It made me smile. I agree with Jesse. Smoking is gross. DX

I liked the scene between Mandy and Jesse. I know plenty of siblings who don't get along. It's nice to see some siblings can actually stand each other.

You asked in your review response if I liked Vera Dannel. She sounds like an interesting character, pretty straight forward and serious.

-Mattie
ShortcakeMattie chapter 16 . 7/31/2011
Jesse's boss sounds like a jerk. My friends have had bosses like him before; but I've been very lucky not to have one like that. I will keep my fingers crossed so I can stay that lucky!

Jesse thought his dad looked a little creepy? That's interesting. I guess I've never really paid much attention to whether or not my dad looked creepy though. XD

There's still a little glimmer of hope in this story, right? Jesse's dad could have said no to helping him.

-Mattie
ShortcakeMattie chapter 15 . 7/31/2011
Oh Rachel. I know she can be blunt at times, but she needs to learn how to control her mouth sometimes.

I think Jesse murdering Rachel is a little extreme though. Just wanted to point that out.

Once again, you capture the emotions well in this piece. I feel for you when you said you got close to crying. Writing scenes/chapters in my own stories make me upset and want to cry too.

I thought Nicole's reaction to Rachel's motives was interesting. She wasn't angry, more thoughtful instead. I couldn't imagine knowing people had planned around my death. :(

-Mattie
ShortcakeMattie chapter 14 . 7/31/2011
I wonder what's up with Rachel and her "small, unmeant smile." Does she still maybe like Jesse or something?

You mentioned Rachel having other motives in your review response. It makes sense now. The line "I thought you were going to die either way" surprised me. Didn't expect to hear that from Rachel's mouth.

Another sad chapter. It started so happy and carefree with the roller coasters, which I think is a good metaphor for this story with the roller coaster of emotions the readers are sent through. I hope Jesse's parents help him out.

-Mattie
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