… I could ha’ cried whilst reading this chapter… In medieval times they NEVER said 'what’s up’ or 'that’s cool’ or 'miz’ or ‘goin’ or ‘hey’ (unless they were talking about feeding their cows) or ‘yeah’ or one of my favorites you put in “Work, shmirk” some normally didn’t say ’you’ anyway the list goes on I only named a few. The conversations that the peasant girls held made me want to cry. They did NOT talk how most teens talk today. Conversations were an art tha’ trickled forth from one’s tongue forming a masterpiece. You can always look up medieval speech. You can go with British or Scottish or a combination of the two (those are the most common known for the most part).

For British instead of ‘hey’ they would say “Hail!”, “Good morrow”, "Good eve", "How now" or "Well met". Instead of yes and no, say "aye" or "nay"(Scottish spelled nay differently as nae. I personally prefure nae) Instead of you, you can sometimes say "ye", "thou" or "thee", depending. Similarly, instead of your, say "thy". "Thy peaches are truly wondrous ripe and juicy, mi'lady!" Instead of listen, say "Hark" or "Hark now". "Hark now, methinks I do hear the sounds of the duelists preparing for combat upon the green!" for example. Where you would say, "Excuse me" instead try "Pray pardon me." "I cry your mercy" or "I crave your pardon" Instead of "Please," try "An it please you" (an is an old form of "if" or if you go with Scottish 'f is if), "Prithee ", "I pray you " or "Pray " Where you would say, "Thank you," say instead "Grammercy", "I thank thee", "I do humbly thank you" or "Many thanks, good sir" Where normally you would say, "Darn it!", try "Alack!", "Alackaday!", "Alas!", "Fie!", or "Out upon it!" Instead of here, say "hither". "Come hither Mistress Goodwife!" or "Come hither my good husband" Instead of those, say "yon". "Yon minstrels do make a sound most pleasing to mine ear!" Where you would say, "No way, really?" you can now say: "Forsooth!" (sooth meaning truth), "In good sooth!", "Go to!" or "It is even so?" Instead of "Wow!", say "Marry!" (A contraction of "By Saint Mary!"), "I'faith!", or "Now, by my faith!" When you're ready to say goodbye, instead try "Fare thee well" or "I shall see thee anon", both of which are good partings. And instead of “shut up” you would use “pray thee peace be silent!”

As you can see this is nothing like we would normally say and if you want to you can play with that by having one of the characters say something like “What’s up?” and a peasant looking up at the sky.

There is also the issue with addressing people. King or Queen - Your majesty, sire, Prince or princess - Your highness, Baron, Baroness, Duchess, Duke, Count, Contessa, etc - Your Excellency, Cardinal, Pope, etc. - Your Grace or Your Worship. And about the term wench. Wench, in the medieval age, didn't mean "slut". It did not mean doxy, whore, bawd, or anything insulting. It simply meant girl. A woman's father, or husband or close friends might all call her wench, very affectionately. And...while we're on the subject: Three Forms of Address You Do NOT Use In Polite Conversation pretty much never use "thee" or "thou" with anyone you would address as sir. You can see that nobody ever, EVER calls the Queen thou; and she doesn't have to call anybody you-unless she talks to her horse. Don't make the mistake of assuming that thee and thou are only two different forms of the same word. They aren't. Thou is the subject of sentences, as in "What hast thou done?" and thee is the object of sentences, as in "I shall tell thee a secret." People tried to make their speech romantic, interesting and picturesque. They had nothing better to entertain their time then a good conversation.

I do hope that, that helps. If you would like some inspiration most of my poems have a Scottish and British medieval vocabulary blend. You have a great story and if I didn‘t care about your story I wouldn‘t have recommend a thing. Just do a little bit of research. Have you ever read any of Shakespeare’s writings? That was how most people talked except he did a lot of rythem. Until your next chapter Fare thee well. )

Yea! You put in quotations (i think i spelled that right) Really good chapter! I loves it ) Great discription, awesome diolog, and still an incredable story! Well done D How you ended the chapter was great too. I assume she's going to her little world thingy. Anywhoo WELL DONE! ~clapping~ I truly enjoyed this chapter. Pluss I like the little faces in between the paragraphs. Rather creative ;)

lovely chapter darling, a long one too! -claps- applause to the almighty emily!

b-kat13

i hate to break this to u but you speeled prologue wrongs XD lol, Insanity pwns!~

b-kat13

A very good begining for a story it easily draws in the reader. It was very discriptive and the characters each have their own personality. Well done! I do have to say though something that irritated me is that when someone new speeks that needs to be a different paragraph.

For example you said- "A small Bosnian man sat at his desk, looking through papers with his reading glasses. “Yes, Mr. McGregor?” Dr. Milakvic asked blandly. Jamie stood up straight. “I was wondering if I could take Alexandra swimming. She hasn't been there in awhile, and if she didn't remember how to swim...” “Go ahead, Mr. McGregor. I trust you. And good game on Friday. I am sorry my son wasn't there to see it.” “Yea, he was too busy being lip locked with Lydia Baker.” Jamie muttered under his breath. “Hmm?” “Nothing, sir. Thank you, sir.” Dr. Milakvic was still reading through his papers. He looked up at Jamie. “Make sure, Mr. McGregor, that she doesn't become too much tainted by your friends. It may make her even more insane and we're so close to curing her.” Jamie nodded, but scowled as he turned around. “Alexandra, have fun.” Dr. Milakvic returned to his papers. I nodded and left with Jamie."

It should be something along the lines of - A small Bosnian man sat at his desk, looking through papers with his reading glasses. “Yes, Mr. McGregor?” Dr. Milakvic asked blandly.

Jamie stood up straight. “I was wondering if I could take Alexandra swimming. She hasn't been there in awhile, and if she didn't remember how to swim...”

“Go ahead, Mr. McGregor. I trust you. And good game on Friday. I am sorry my son wasn't there to see it.”

“Yea, he was too busy being lip locked with Lydia Baker.” Jamie muttered under his breath.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Dr. Milakvic was still reading through his papers. He looked up at Jamie. “Make sure, Mr. McGregor, that she doesn't become too much tainted by your friends. It may make her even more insane and we're so close to curing her.”

Jamie nodded, but scowled as he turned around.

“Alexandra, have fun.” Dr. Milakvic returned to his papers. I nodded and left with Jamie.

Having different paragraphs for each person makes it easier for the reader to follow. The dialog in this story was really good but hard to follow because a number of people where talking in the same paragraph. It may be the same subject but it shouldn't be in the same paragraph if more than one person is talking. Well done! I truely enjoyed reading this chapter and I look forward to the chapters to come )