|Reviews for Gender Identity sometimes nature gets it wrong|
| Ravenlady333 chapter 13 . 11/7/2011
This was written years ago, so I imagine your writing has gotten better since then. But I wanted to congratulate you on a story well written. The end chapter made me bawl and brought on so many emotions at once. The sign of a good author. I hope you continue writing.
| AmatureAuthor chapter 13 . 3/31/2011
*crying* God dammit... ANGST! *sobbing* SH-she d-died and... Be-ben he... *clings to nearest life form*
I haven't cried from a story in a LONG time. Only twice: volume 3 of naruto, and epsiode 9 of clannad. Be proud, your story has made the ranks of "Stories I love, but I hate them for making me cry"
| AmatureAuthor chapter 12 . 3/31/2011
Only read the first section: "Oh crap... crap! CRAP! No! SHE WILL *NOT* HAVE CANCER!" (
| AmatureAuthor chapter 10 . 3/31/2011
Its kind of scary how similar Shannon and I are. Age twelve... parents think its a phase... burn (or just get rid of. -_- mom knows better than to trust me with fire) your clothing... thereapist... O_o scary
| AmatureAuthor chapter 9 . 3/31/2011
Throughout this chaper, all I could think was, "Bitch!" and "Narrow minded (insert long string of curses here)!", but mostly, "Just forgive her, idiot! She realized her mistake and that it doens't matter (blah blah blah)!". My automatic response is to get mad at Sannon for not forgiving Cally, but then that makes me a hypocrite. My "friend" has called me a freak and insulted me many times, and I haven't forgiven her, and I never will. Your natural reaction to a second hand situation is to tell them to man up, grow a pair, and do the right thing, but you have the intelligence (and probably experiance from how well this is written) to write what would actually happen, not that fairytale ending that many people think happens.
This story is so frightening, yet moving at the same time. I would have made it a "She forgave her, the bad guys died slowly and painfully, and they all lived happily ever after!" story, but you actually have the strength and intelligence to make it realistic.
To tell the truth, this story really scared me. It made me curl up into a ball for at least five minutes. I felt that squeezing in my heart that I get when I'm battling myself or society, and it takes a good author to make that happen. It made me want to *censor* those guys that beat Shannon up, it made we want to hold ben as he cried from his fall, it made me want to punch younger Cally for being narrow-minded. You might think that It only takes a good plot to do that, but it takes a skilled writer, and you certanly qualify.
I'm going to read the rest, I just needed to write this review. I'd also favorite it, but... I'm not out of the closet yet and my friends would see it. . Just had to say that it is mentally favorited. Keep up the good work!
| Brenda Agaro chapter 13 . 12/7/2009
Hi there! I just finished read this. Thanks for asking me to read and review it. :-)
This story does have potential, but I have to be honest. There are a lot of grammatical errors and typos. I usually don't mind them when reading (and I would point them out. All writers make mistakes), but there are actually too many in this story. It disrupted the flow for me while reading. I quickly glanced over one of your recent stories and I see that the errors have been taken care of by a beta. Hopefully he/she has told you where to place commas, periods, etc.
There aren't a lot of necessary details and imagery to enhance the description. The chapters feel like skeletons. You need to put more meat to keep the readers captivated. Same with characterization. The transitions confused me, especially in the first chapter towards the end. It just feels like straightforward storytelling. That is fine, but more needs to be shown than told (emotions, characterization, setting, etc.) The ending was sad, but it needs to be stronger other than the fact that Shannon died. Use imagery and be creative with your sentences.
I'm sorry if my review came off as harsh to you. I wanted to help because I really do think that this story is worth telling. I like that you included the issue of Gender identity. It just needs to be revised. Feel free to disagree with me with anything or discuss what I said in a reply.
| Close to Home chapter 13 . 3/14/2009
I want to start with saying that I never review, but this story was too close to home. My brother is a transgendered person and when Shannon said that being gay is not the same as being transgendered it really kicked in. I love my brother a lot and as much as it pains me to see him go through all the discrimination and other stuff he has to put up with I am happy that he can be himself. I am still sobbing from the ending. I believe that someone can love and it doesn't matter what gender the person is. Most call it bisexual, but there is another name that explains it better and it is pansexual. I loved this story and really felt it. Congratulations on the good work! Keep it up. Ben was a sweetheat. 8-}
| beaumont santana chapter 13 . 2/16/2009
That was...one of the saddest things I've ever read. I cried, which I think is a good thing because that means I cared about the characters enough to be heartbroken when Shannon died. Great job, loved this story-very original and the first thing I've read about a transgendered/lesbian romance. Beautiful.
| Always Pencil chapter 13 . 2/15/2009
I can't believe she died. I knew it was coming. I love the ending though. I wanna see Ben as an older guy though.
| someone chapter 12 . 2/14/2009
if this stories going the way i think it is i am going to be so sad. I HATE cancer.
| Always Pencil chapter 12 . 2/11/2009
I know it's not really asthma. Is it? I love you sneekie but if you keep teasing me with these chapters, we are not gonna have a happy relationship.
| Always Pencil chapter 11 . 2/11/2009
That was so cute. I'm glad they are both making light-heartedness of the "boy" situation. "Some girl wants me to see under her skirt" LMAO! I love you sneekie. Can't wait for the new stories.
| Always Pencil chapter 10 . 2/10/2009
Aww! Where's the rest of it?
| Always Pencil chapter 9 . 2/10/2009
Damn. Why she gotta be like that?
| Always Pencil chapter 8 . 2/10/2009
That's so fucked up! I can't believe Helen.