|Reviews for A Million Years|
| RYTwinDemon chapter 1 . 9/19/2009
Oh, this was good. You don't need to worry about humor, it really got me cracking up at the end, hahaha. XD
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 3/1/2009
i loved the sarcasm in here. hillarious.
| Nicki BluIs chapter 1 . 2/12/2009
I like it. It's cute and clever and made me smile. The rhythm is a bit awkward and shaky though. Try reading it allowed to see how you an adjust it. Other than that it seemed good.
| Chasing Skylines chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
[But it’s been 5 million years and 81 days
I’m thinking, that’s enough.]
Hahaha, awesome ending.
[Look, I’m sorry, okay?
Please, will you dry your tears?]
Here's an example: I like how you managed to show the narrator's character through such a short poem. The narrator had a voice.
-Review Marathon, link in profile.
Good luck in WCC.
| Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
The punchline was really strong, it just hit you because it was so unexpected. I don't think you have to worry regarding the humor department :)
I do think you could tighten up the first two stanzas. They were bland. If I didn't know there was a punchline waiting, I would zone out. Tighten doesn't mean shorten, for the record. Just...maybe word it more interestingly? Get a more established rhythm? Sorry for being so vague, I can't really think of how else to word it.
Good luck in the WCC!
| Carus chapter 1 . 2/4/2009
I like this. I'd say it's a sort of tragic-humour, or a sort of depressing humour, if you know what I mean. I thought that the colloquial language you used in combination with the dismissive attitude of the narrator was effective.
I was confused as to why you picked the number: "5 million years and 81 days" but hey, randomness is good sometimes :) Unless it wasn't random, and I'm missing a point somewhere (as I tend to do, haha).
Anyway, good luck in the WCC!
| Pierce Dorian chapter 1 . 2/4/2009
5 million years? that's a long time. I think it was about time for him to break up with her. Great poem it's pretty funny!
| Kiwi-kiwi6 chapter 1 . 2/3/2009
I really like this. You held on for 5 million years. Good job. I like the rhymes.
| East-0f-Eden chapter 1 . 2/3/2009
meh, it was sorta funny. but mostly i thought it was sad. i mean he dumped her.
| Musa Hawk chapter 1 . 2/3/2009
Ha! I thought that was absolutely adorable! Write more like it OK?