Reviews for VixTails
GiygasV chapter 1 . 8/21/2009
I finished the first chapter and I must admit, I enjoyed your story far more than I expected I would. Your descriptions of the animals and their actions are well done and you use a lot of interesting imagery to paint the scenery. Your characters are distinct and I can already tell that I'm going to like Shadow.

There were a couple of things that caught my attention though...

"He was older now, as three long summer months had passed by." - specify what took place three months before. Just write "...passed by since (insert the prologue's main event here)" and it should be fine.

"she questioned loudly into his face." - That just sounds weird to me... Nothing technically "wrong" though.

"knowing that if he was to make it to the pack-meet tonight; he must maintain a steady speed." - The semi-colon seems out of place.

Anyway, I never thought I would like animal fiction but this story is definitely starting to change my mind. I'll be sure to read more whenever I find the time. Great job.
Yezalb chapter 20 . 8/15/2009
This story is great.

Well written, good plot and great characters.

Keep up the good work
dragonflydreamer chapter 2 . 8/13/2009
I'm liking the conflict so far. At this point, it seems like Vulpi's main goal is to get food. It's a very primitive, animalistic goal-which of course fits the story well-and it leaves room for the story to build to a new goal.

I'm getting confused about Vulpi's dialogue, though. In some places you have him speaking like "Have you a family?" that sounds far more sophisticated than his other dialogue. Try to keep in consistant.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 8/13/2009
Help! The Roadhouse is running out of beers! Follow the link in my profile to help save it (and spread some reviews around fictionpress)!

Ah, I thought you might be a Warriors fan from your penname, haha. Interesting, I really haven't seen many animal-based stories around this site.

Grammatical Notes:

-[around 7 months old] Spell out "seven."

-[Vulpi I sat by the sun-drenched] Take out the "I."

This is a very promising start. You really set up your world well without confusing the reader.

You have a good narration style. It's descriptive enough to let the reader's in on what's going on, but doesn't weigh down the writing. It also fits well to the age group this story would typically appeal to.

I also like the dialogue. You made a clear discinction between Vulpi and Shadow.

Promising start. I'll definitely be reading on :)
VonThunder chapter 1 . 7/4/2009
I like it :) Keep up the good work!
Jack chapter 12 . 2/16/2009
Chapter 12 - Captive.

Again, another great chapter in the story. I like the description of the beasts giving the animals food also when Shadow run's for freedom. The description gives me a really good picture in my head of what is happening making the story seem more believable. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Jack chapter 10 . 2/15/2009
For a minute I thought That Vulpi was dead. I loved you're description of the coldness taking over his body, but was delighted when he came back and was reunited with Genib, good work.
Jack chapter 9 . 2/15/2009
I think this story is very well written, the language really makes me want to read on. I find the character Genib very interesting as his knowledge helps Vulpi along.
SabakuNoStupid chapter 8 . 2/15/2009
I know that this is kind of anal redundant, but I have OCD, so: Why would the fox care about meat on his captor's breath? I mean, I'm pretty sure that they're carnivores, or at least eat mice and stuff.

"They wish to rescue there friends" Wrong one. It should be "their."

I would suggest some sort of break between the scene with the fox who speaks bird and when we go back to Vulpi.

...I don't know why, but the fox fight kind of reminds me of the lost boys fighting the Pirates from Peter Pan. ...Only we're rooting for the other team.
tinkash chapter 1 . 2/15/2009
Your story is very well written. I love the details of the setting and characters. They seem almost real. And the prologe makes me want to read more. Your story has really inspired me. Thank you so much,
SabakuNoStupid chapter 7 . 2/14/2009
"It’s the right thing to do" Well, there you go. I had the feeling that this was coming, but it still always hurts me when it does. Why must heroes always be heroic? Why can't we have any protagonists that are doing it for either their own self-interest, or to show off? I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with you, it's just... I like my protagonists somewhat evil and my villains to either be good deep down (like the opposing side in a war) or just crazy.

And then you used the 'D' and 'F' words. Your writing is good, but this kind of setup... it's a little too clean-cut for me.
SabakuNoStupid chapter 6 . 2/14/2009
Interesting... I wonder if the 'vix' was really a fox... or was it a wolf?

Anyway, I'm going to subscribe so that I can keep reviewing you.
SabakuNoStupid chapter 4 . 2/14/2009
I haven't had much to say about this so far, but I have a question: Why is Shadow- who Vulpi has only known for one night- more important now than his mate? I mean, wasn't he going to go back to her, or at least tell her where he was going? Or was it that once you went to one of those meetings you could never return, and then what about his father?

I believe that this may require some more exposition.
SabakuNoStupid chapter 1 . 2/14/2009
I'm really liking this story so far. The concept is interesting, and I really, really like the cat. All I really have to say negatively are two tiny little things:

-Type out numbers

-at one point you said, "“You must think this through” she explained"" but that's not really explaining anything...